Adult son getting married, questions (orphan, grandmother, hubby, schedule)
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I'm curious..........did any of ya'll ask why your SS family wasn't invited to the engagement party?
That seems really strange.
Quote:
Originally Posted by puglandia
Yes. He never responded to his brother when he asked via text. My kids do not make phone calls to each other. They text. Told his dad via phone it was “kinda sorta” just with her family. Super awkward convo on kid’s part.
Just a thought, perhaps, as parents of the groom, you & your spouse & his mother, and the siblings need to plan an engagement paper. I believe, that according to wedding tradition it is the groom's parents who reach out to the bride's parents to introduce themselves.
It could be held in his town, possibly at his brother's house/apartment and invite his fiancé and her parents and her siblings or other close relatives. Give your son a choice of two or three dates and tell him, "if you don't call us back in a week we will assume that all those dates are fine and we will scheduling the party for April XX at 8 PM and send out the invitations".
Be sure to post it on social media. "I am so looking forward to meeting our future daughter-in-law and her parents and family at the engagement party on April XX." By posting it on social media her relatives can't say that they were not included or were not invited. Plus if they skip it they may be embarrassed if other people find out.
Maybe that is a stupid idea, but if it was my son, I would be pulling my hair out by now.
Just a thought, perhaps, as parents of the groom, you & your spouse & his mother, and the siblings need to plan an engagement paper. I believe, that according to wedding tradition it is the groom's parents who reach out to the bride's parents to introduce themselves.
It could be held in his town, possibly at his brother's house/apartment and invite his fiancé and her parents and her siblings or other close relatives. Give your son a choice of two or three dates and tell him, "if you don't call us back in a week we will assume that all those dates are fine and we will scheduling the party for April XX at 8 PM and send out the invitations".
Be sure to post it on social media. "I am so looking forward to meeting our future daughter-in-law and her parents and family at the engagement party on April XX." By posting it on social media her relatives can't say that they were not included or were not invited. Plus if they skip it they may be embarrassed if other people find out.
Maybe that is a stupid idea, but if it was my son, I would be pulling my hair out by now.
Believe me, I’m at a loss for sure. I suggested to my stepson’s mom she do something along the lines of what you’ve described here. She normally wouldn’t hesitate but for some reason she’s being uncharacteristically wishy washy about it. She almost seems intimidated and this is so unlike her I was really surprised. I hope she goes ahead and does it because a) she lives much closer to them and says she has more time than I/we would as she only works part time these days. B) I don’t want to step on her toes. She’s the mom and I’ve made sure to never get in those bio vs stepmom tug of wars with her. I love the kid like my own but he’s got a mom. It’ll be a whole other matter altogether if she does nothing. If it comes down to that then we’ll need to do something.
How would that help their relationship with the son and future DIL?
^^Yes, this. It would do no good at all.
While mental and emotional abuse are serious issues and I don’t mean to downplay them, we have no concerns about future DIL being physically abusive. She potentially still could but at his size vs hers, there’s not much she can do. There’s been no evidence to that end either, nothing to call the cops about to begin with.
That is just SO wrong. This is all bizarre. I hope it doesn't happen but you and your DH may have to get used to a new reality, one without SS in it. I am sorry. This just stinks.
I tend to agree with you on this. If he wants to be with her regardless of what’s going on (or not?), no amount of cajoling, talking, arguing, pulling our hair out, whatever else ...he’s gonna do what he’s gonna do. I have a relative who’s married to an occasionally clean drug addict who relapses on the regular. He’s pulled<bleep> on with my stepson but people want who they want.
That aside, he can do as he wishes. We just want to meet her and get a feel for what’s going on. We realize even that may not happen.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 03-26-2018 at 10:30 AM..
That reminded me I had meant to ask, I saw you mentioned culture before but what about religion? Maybe the fiancee is from a very religious background and your family is not very observant?
I've seen in my own family where people who get very deeply involved with a more strict branch of our religion can sometimes become estranged from family members who don't practice that more strict form.
Could they be scientologists? They try to prevent association with those who are not involved with that religion right?
Could they be scientologists? They try to prevent association with those who are not involved with that religion right?
From what I’ve seen they are not associated with any religion or religious group. I have knowledge of a family situation that involved a child in their family who died from a widely known terminal illness. Their attitude is more along the lines of, “God doesn’t exist because of *insert child’s terminal illness situation here* ...no God would do that to a child.” That type of thing. My stepson has stated they are not religious at all. No Scientology or other groups.
I’m no wedding protocol expert but my mother sent me a message this morning to check on the situation with my stepson and tried telling me it doesn’t matter if we ever get an invitation to this wedding because the parents’ presence is “just expected.” WE WOULD NOT ATTEND WITHOUT AN INVITE (just to be clear) and I’ve never heard such a thing ...but just curious if anyone else has heard of this because it doesn’t sound right at all.
Honestly, if this was one of my cousins, the pack of us other cousins would corral him and be like "Dude, what the<bleep> nuggets is going ON? This is super weird and we need to understand what is happening, because we love you and we worry about the distance that is developing between us."
None of this is normal, though I think you've been admirably restrained. I hope you get to the bottom of this mystery and your stepson is doing ok. The stuff you've posted is really quite worrying.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 03-26-2018 at 10:31 AM..
I’m no wedding protocol expert but my mother sent me a message this morning to check on the situation with my stepson and tried telling me it doesn’t matter if we ever get an invitation to this wedding because the parents’ presence is “just expected.” WE WOULD NOT ATTEND WITHOUT AN INVITE (just to be clear) and I’ve never heard such a thing ...but just curious if anyone else has heard of this because it doesn’t sound right at all.
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