Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Puglandia--given the new information--this is her 3rd engagement, etc. the situation is even more bizarre.
It makes me wonder if some previous fiance's parents objected to the marriage and previous finance called it off as a result. Perhaps she's not willing to take any chances this time around with the fiance's parents because of something along those lines.
I agree that it sounds as if her parents are letting her get away with anything so she can "be happy." It does make me wonder if she's attempted suicide in the past or has a mental illness. Parents can overcompensate in those situations.
Puglandia--given the new information--this is her 3rd engagement, etc. the situation is even more bizarre.
It makes me wonder if some previous fiance's parents objected to the marriage and previous finance called it off as a result. Perhaps she's not willing to take any chances this time around with the fiance's parents because of something along those lines.
I agree that it sounds as if her parents are letting her get away with anything so she can "be happy." It does make me wonder if she's attempted suicide in the past or has a mental illness. Parents can overcompensate in those situations.
Yes, it is looking even more crazy.
Puglandia, you mentioned that for her age (I'm guessing early 20s) it was unusual that she had been engaged for three times. I'm 65 years old and I tried to think of everyone that I know, family, friends, co-workers, who had been engaged three times, at any age. I have one friend, in his middle 60s who was engaged (and married) three times. For him, the third marriage was the right one as he has been married to her for over 30 years.
Plus, I have another friend, who is in his mid 60s, who is on his third engagement & third marriage. He had a brief forced marriage to his HS GF because she got pregnant and his other marriages were about 20 years each (and he's still married to his third wife)
Also, I had a former co-worker who was engaged in college and broke it off, later she was married and widowed and now she is remarried and is in her 50s. Now, maybe there are others that I don't know about but to me being on your third engagement in your early 20s is a huge Red Flag that something is very off.
Last edited by germaine2626; 03-22-2018 at 03:59 PM..
Whoa! You didn't attend your brother's wedding because he had changed a lot since he met his future wife and now you continue to criticize him for not reaching out? Do you not think that your shunning of his wedding may have something to do with his behavior since then? What you did certainly upped the gamesmanship to an unprecedented level. You made a choice of your own free will. I'd put most of what has happened since squarely on your own shoulders.
I don't think the situation you created has much in common with that of the OP.
Before his wedding, he had not spoken to me for 2 years. Sorry, but if you can't respond to a phone call, email, or text for 2+ years, then no I won't attend your wedding. I didn't shun his wedding. He knew I wasn't attending. He never said a word about it to me. I wasn't upping any gamesmanship.
I didn't create the situation with my brother. He doesn't speak to our parents or our sister either. He hasn't in several years. He hasn't spoken to them much since his wedding 2 years ago. He won't answer our sister's calls, emails, or texts either and she did attend the weeding. Our parents did as well and he won't speak to them. He won't attend family functions or family dinners. And that has nothing to do with me. I live 3 hours away so I'm not at family events often.
Puglandia, you mentioned that for her age (I'm guessing early 20s) it was unusual that she had been engaged for three times. I'm 65 years old and I tried to think of everyone that I know, family, friends, co-workers, who had been engaged three times, at any age. I have one friend, in his middle 60s who was engaged (and married) three times. For him, the third marriage was the right one as he has been married to her for over 30 years.
Plus, I have another friend, who is in his mid 60s, who is on his third engagement & third marriage. He had a brief forced marriage to his HS GF because she got pregnant and his other marriages were about 20 years each (and he's still married to his third wife)
Also, I had a former co-worker who was engaged in college and broke it off, later she was married and widowed and now she is remarried and is in her 50s. Now, maybe there are others that I don't know about but to me being on your third engagement in your early 20s is a huge Red Flag that something is very off.
Your guess would be correct and very early 20’s. I’m talking engagement rings, wedding plans, etc. I’m a firm believer people should live on their own before getting married. There are people who get married young and it works but by and large ....
When I was their age I didn’t know who the hell I was but sure thought I knew it all about everything.
The red flags are definitely flapping in the wind.
Puglandia--given the new information--this is her 3rd engagement, etc. the situation is even more bizarre.
It makes me wonder if some previous fiance's parents objected to the marriage and previous finance called it off as a result. Perhaps she's not willing to take any chances this time around with the fiance's parents because of something along those lines.
I agree that it sounds as if her parents are letting her get away with anything so she can "be happy." It does make me wonder if she's attempted suicide in the past or has a mental illness. Parents can overcompensate in those situations.
I’ve wondered the exact same thing regarding your second paragraph.
Bio mom feels she has to accept whatever the situation is to hold onto her son. If she protests or even expresses concern to him, in her mind that will push him further away. What she doesn’t realize yet is she could already be losing him anyway. Head in the sand syndrome.
Is it really head in the sand syndrome? You mentioned that she would (try to) cut out her husbands's families out. So, she normalized and modeled this behavior for your step-son. Now, she's on the other end... I'm sure she never thought what it felt like for the families, and I bet she never even thought it could be done to her. So, she's in a position where she really doesn't know what to do, and her own past behaviors would come back to bite her in the a** ("It's ok for you to do it, but not her?")
I actually did knew a couple guys that did exactly what your son is doing. There was a term for that. P****-whipped. Those were never happy relationships/marriages and it did destructed a lot of familial relationships.
I actually did knew a couple guys that did exactly what your son is doing. There was a term for that. P****-whipped. Those were never happy relationships/marriages and it did destructed a lot of familial relationships.
I know a guy too. But, I really hate the term you used. We dealt with many of the same issues the OP is dealing with, such as no invitation to the engagement party, and a wedding invitation that wasn't sent until a week before the big day( long after everyone else had gotten theirs.) But our son loves his wife. And sometimes, that's the best we can hope for our kids.
OP, I wonder if you and your husband would be willing to send the future couple a card congratulating them on the engagement announcement. No commentary or response required, just an acknowledgment that it occurred.
I’ve wondered the exact same thing regarding your second paragraph.
At the very least, if you get nowhere with this situation, you and your husband should get a message to him that he always has a safe place with you and help if he needs it, no questions asked.
At the very least, if you get nowhere with this situation, you and your husband should get a message to him that he always has a safe place with you and help if he needs it, no questions asked.
Is it really head in the sand syndrome? You mentioned that she would (try to) cut out her husbands's families out. So, she normalized and modeled this behavior for your step-son. Now, she's on the other end... I'm sure she never thought what it felt like for the families, and I bet she never even thought it could be done to her. So, she's in a position where she really doesn't know what to do, and her own past behaviors would come back to bite her in the a** ("It's ok for you to do it, but not her?")
I actually did knew a couple guys that did exactly what your son is doing. There was a term for that. P****-whipped. Those were never happy relationships/marriages and it did destructed a lot of familial relationships.
Oh yah, definitely know the term and yes I definitely think that’s a large part of what’s going on. Stepson is easygoing, go with the flow type and this is his first serious relationship. Has dated a lot but nothing serious until the last year. His personality is also very similar to his dad and p-whipped is exactly how my husband describes his role in the marriage to the bio mom. Their divorce was final when this son was just a toddler but he’s grown up seeing related behavior modeled by his mom toward a couple stepfathers, neither of which are still in the picture.
The things I’ve seen recently, it’s become evident the GF is in love with love, so to speak, and wedding obsessed and not just lately. I’d say 90% of her FB posts going back a long time are all about marriage proposals, weddings, honeymoons, etc. Even during early high school. Many girls daydream about their future wedding but her focus is entirely way more than that. It doesn’t seem to matter to her who the husband is just as long as there is one, or about to be one.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
