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Yes they had an engagement party back late last fall. Only with her family. We - as in his entire family - weren’t aware of it happening until pics were later posted on FB.
Being on his phone would suggest a lot of control on her part. I don’t care if she sees any of our messages but at least tell him they exist. We have nothing to hide or secretive to talk about but it is a little weird she’s on his phone. Different strokes, I guess.
This is what happened with my wife's cousin. Certainly sounds like some form of unhealthy control and/or immaturity. That stinks.
Yes they had an engagement party back late last fall. Only with her family. We - as in his entire family - weren’t aware of it happening until pics were later posted on FB.
Doesn't say much about her family that they all thought that was fine.
I know a young man married to a woman who is somewhat controlling and there are some positives about that, in the sense that she has made him find some direction in life that he was lacking before. And yes, most of "their" major decisions seem to have suited her convenience, like moving to the area she grew up in, and she planned all of the details of their wedding, where they live, presumably when she will want to start a family and so on.
But she hasn't tried to cut him off from his family, she visited with him a few times before they got married, his parents and their family and friends were invited to the wedding (myself included, and she and her family were very welcoming). His parents have visited them when they could, and it has never been an issue.
So to the extent that the wife in the couple I know wanted to get her own way, she was still smart enough to know that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. She is pretty much getting her own way on everything but still has a cordial long distance relationship with her in-laws.
And while we are of course only getting your version, you sound like a sane and well adjusted family with a normal degree of closeness between parents and children and between siblings. (Some people seem to think it's weird to not actively dislike your own family, of course!) So yeah, it is definitely strange that he's pulled back and hasn't even wanted everyone to meet.
It definitely seems like the fiancee is in control here and for whatever reason, thinks that her soon to be in-laws aren't relevent to her life. And very sad that your son is going along with that. I think what you've done is pretty much all you can do - sounds like your husband is not trying to guilt his son, but has expressed a reasonable degree of concern/interest in his life. I hope his gut feeling is wrong and things won't go so far as to exclude you from the wedding.
No real advice OP, been there, done that, and we're still kept at a football field's length by our DIL. I hope your situation turns out better than ours has.
I agree with Emm here, you do sound like a nice family. And I know from experience that sometimes these estrangements have no rational explanation except the introduction of a new person to the mix. So, while I do think the fiancee is the impetus, I also agree that your stepson bears the ultimate responsibility for how things currently stand.
I hope this young man's father, or maybe his father and siblings together can engineer a meeting with the stepson alone, to clear the air.
Doesn't say much about her family that they all thought that was fine.
I know a young man married to a woman who is somewhat controlling and there are some positives about that, in the sense that she has made him find some direction in life that he was lacking before. And yes, most of "their" major decisions seem to have suited her convenience, like moving to the area she grew up in, and she planned all of the details of their wedding, where they live, presumably when she will want to start a family and so on.
But she hasn't tried to cut him off from his family, she visited with him a few times before they got married, his parents and their family and friends were invited to the wedding (myself included, and she and her family were very welcoming). His parents have visited them when they could, and it has never been an issue.
So to the extent that the wife in the couple I know wanted to get her own way, she was still smart enough to know that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. She is pretty much getting her own way on everything but still has a cordial long distance relationship with her in-laws.
I know what you mean and how these two want to run their relationship is their deal but some things can be taken too far.
My other stepson/his brother lives in the same city and he wasn’t invited to that party either. And it wasn’t like it was a women only thing. He wasn’t too bothered by it but did mention it to me and he’s not a chatty Kathy and apt to report anything and everything that goes on.
No real advice OP, been there, done that, and we're still kept at a football field's length by our DIL. I hope your situation turns out better than ours has.
I agree with Emm here, you do sound like a nice family. And I know from experience that sometimes these estrangements have no rational explanation except the introduction of a new person to the mix. So, while I do think the fiancee is the impetus, I also agree that your stepson bears the ultimate responsibility for how things currently stand.
I hope this young man's father, or maybe his father and siblings together can engineer a meeting with the stepson alone, to clear the air.
His dad won’t push and is at the point where he feels he’s asked to get together enough times that it’s up to his son now. His mom might keep pushing though, she tends to.
This is what happened with my wife's cousin. Certainly sounds like some form of unhealthy control and/or immaturity. That stinks.
Once people decide to get married I would think they would just know introductions would be expected. We only asked for an hour or two of their time. Our other kids all wanted this and did it, nothing earth shattering. I certainly hope she isn’t overly controlling. We definitely want to give her and the situation a chance. But still, it’s up to him to manage the situation. Not having met her I don’t feel right about drawing conclusions yet.
I predict this is not going to end well. There is a reason he is avoiding you and there is something not quite right about his fiance and her family. He probably knows what it is and just doesn't want to admit it or acknowledge the problem. And he knows that would happen if you met her and her family. Have you seen pictures? Does he talk about these people?
But the bottom line is simple. He is a self supporting adult and he can do as he pleases. I would attend the wedding and just be kind to everyone. I think that's your only option.
His dad won’t push and is at the point where he feels he’s asked to get together enough times that it’s up to his son now. His mom might keep pushing though, she tends to.
well, maybe it's not so bad that his mom is a little pushy - to the extent that anything good results from her pushing, chances are it will carry over to his dad and you. But you won't be labeled as the pushy ones! lol!
Super low, indeed. His dad is hoping they decide to bag the big wedding idea and run off to Vegas lol.
That's the way I feel about most weddings!
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