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What is it with this trend in society to go running to social media to air your dirty laundry? Or more accurately, air someone else's dirty laundry? This public shaming has gotten out of hand and frankly, if the wife cannot get her husband to do his share around the house, marriage counseling is in order. Not try to humiliate him publicly, or try to gain sympathy for having such a selfish husband.
She didn't mention it. I have no idea. All we know is that what's a normal process for many couples of dividing up household tasks when they move in together, didn't happen. Do you think she did bring it up, and her husband refused, insisting that she wait on him hand and foot? Telling her that being born female meant she had to cook, clean and do the dishes? Not likely.
That's exactly what happened to me. My husband expected me to run the household and our marriage the same way his mother did. As if it were a list of chores. Not a relationship between two equals. He thought that since he worked, he was free to do whatever he wanted.
So yeah, it is very likely.
Who defines 'normal' when so many people end up divorced or never married?
Wow, expressing your thoughts and feelings in writing. What a novel concept. I bet a lot of people would find that a useful exercise. Maybe someone could even think of something like, hmm, I don't know, an online forum where people could post their own thoughts and feelings and questions and answers and responses to what others have shared. I really think a lot of people would find that interesting and useful.
She didn't mention it. I have no idea. All we know is that what's a normal process for many couples of dividing up household tasks when they move in together, didn't happen. Do you think she did bring it up, and her husband refused, insisting that she wait on him hand and foot? Telling her that being born female meant she had to cook, clean and do the dishes? Not likely.
But things change when kids come into the picture. I know with Mr.Ginge and I, it was just us for the first 5 years and we split the chores. Kids came along and I was home for 12 years, doing 98% of the grunt work. After I went back to work, it was not a seamless transition because everyone (including me) was used to me doing virtually all of the running of the household and the childrens’ lives.
TLDR; the agreements you work out at the start of a marriage don’t necessarily continue when when things change... and some spouses are slow to adapt to change.
She actually does take responsibility in the post for her role.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Wait a minute. According to her narrative, she handles ALL the "mom" stuff and ALL the housekeeping, as well as holding down what sounds like an executive job outside the home. She's begging him to at least put away the dishes, so she can have a small break? Who volunteered her to do the dishes, and put them away in the first place? I suspect she did. And what, her husband is incapable of running a vacuum cleaner, or scrubbing a shower/tub and sink once/week? I find that in some cases like this, it's the wife who boxes herself in, by simply taking on these tasks after marriage, without saying anything. Then, when kids come along, she suddenly finds herself stuck, and blames her husband, forgetting that it takes two to tango--two to communicate. She has a voice. She should have used it as soon as they moved in together. It's the new Millennium, people! Couples have been sharing tasks for a generation or two, now!
She could have established a rule from the get go: whoever cooks, the other one does the dishes (and puts them away, when they're clean). If she feels he's not a good cook, that would automatically mean he's the dish guy. Housecleaning is something all grownups do, when living alone (well, except for the guys that don't...) so there's no reason for her to take it all on. When they set up house together, they could have divvied up the tasks. But clearly, that didn't happen. Why didn't she say something, back then? Or at least, when the kids were born, and as she was getting ready to resume her office job, she could have initiated a conversation with her husband, about how, now that she would be going back to work, they need to work out a division of labor in the home, including child care.
But she didn't. And now she's making her guy out to be the bad guy. And going public with it, of all things. Sure, an "aware" guy would have offered, anyway. "How do you want to handle the home and baby front, after you go back to work? What do you want me to do, here?", he could have asked. But likewise, she could have initiated that discussion. Why didn't she? That's the mystery. Why wasn't it worked out when they moved in together? Another mystery.
The way I see it, she's making public not only his failure to offer to step up to the plate, but also her failure to communicate her needs, and her own assumption that she's the maid, as well as the cook, and a co-breadwinner. That is EXTREMELY old-school. She needs to acknowledge her own choice to do that, her own role in setting up the current scenario. Nobody held a gun to her head.
That's exactly what happened to me. My husband expected me to run the household and our marriage the same way his mother did. As if it were a list of chores. Not a relationship between two equals. He thought that since he worked, he was free to do whatever he wanted.
So yeah, it is very likely.
Who defines 'normal' when so many people end up divorced or never married?
IDK about "normal", but what's reasonable is that if both adults are earning a paycheck, they both should do the chores at home. Anyone who refused to do their share at home, when both are working outside the home full time, is someone who doesn't want to grow up. I agree with the other poster, "aquietpath"; in such a case, marriage counseling would be a sensible next step.
But thank you, everyone who filled me in on what some women are facing at home, even in this day and age.
I dont think a VIRAL LETTER would go out if shye did..... She is trying to force her husband to help her by doing this (making it public).... Quite childish!!
Remember the good old days when adults actually talked to each other about various issues, instead of immediately penning a self congratulatory letter and posting it on social media to become a viral 'hero?'
It's a shame that a mother has to ASK her husband to help with parenting. In this day and age, no man can claim ignorance. All genders know that it takes both parents to raise their children. Why wouldn't he step up without being asked?
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Shameful
