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When I moved out, my sister immediately went through my stuff and took everything nice or useful. My mom was after me to get my stuff out of her house, so I told her to donate the rest, because she loves getting the tax receipts for donations. That was twenty years ago, and she still asks me what to do with things like my old stuffed animals (donate them), my old doll house (donate it), my old books...you get the idea. I can't go into her house anymore because my cat allergy has become so severe, so I don't want anything that has been stored in her house or, even worse, her garage.
Both of my sisters still have lots of junk stored at my mother's house. My mom says she would sell her house and move into a smaller place in an active senior community if she knew what to do with my sisters' junk. I wish she felt like she could throw it out, because I'd love for her to move somewhere that would be nicer for her.
A number of posters brought up that their parents got rid of their things without consulting them ( I had also read that on other threads, too).
OTOH, I have had friends who have been after their adult children for years to empty out their old bedrooms, go through all of their boxes that they stored at home after college, and either take or get rid of all of their stuff. I know someone whose son had all of his clothes from HS still hanging in his childhood bedroom closet 25 years later.
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Here is our story. Feel free to list your story as the parent or the adult child.
Hmmm. At our house, once our son went to college, we encouraged him to look though his closet/drawers/boxes a little at a time every time that he came home. By the time that he moved out of state to go to graduate school there really was not that much left in his room, but still plenty of things in the toy room/rec room.
Now, our daughter was more of a pack-rat so she did not do as much downsizing over the years.
Both of them needed to go through all of their stuff completely when we sold the house, when they were late 20s/early 30s, and Hubby and I moved into an apartment.
Most of the downsizing went pretty smoothly, but there were a few problems. In retrospect our son admits that he was too hasty in getting rid of some of his things (especially childhood toys). One example, was a huge, huge box of sports cards (mostly new baseball cards) that he just gave away to a stranger and also favorite childhood toys (that were well cared for and just like new) that he either threw away or donated to Goodwill. After the fact, he realized that he should have saved more of those for his children or even tried to sell some of them on eBay.
He also felt that since they were "his toys" we couldn't just keep some in our "Grandparent's Toy Box" for when the grandchildren visit. Now, except for a few trucks & tractors that I hid so he wouldn't throw them out there are absolutely no toys from his childhood for his children to enjoy when they, or other children, visit our home.
Now, our daughter admits that she saved far too many things, especially from books from college, that she really needs to go through again and too many clothes. She let me save some of her childhood toys, but had gotten rid of most of them when she out grew them. So there aren't that many of her toys either.
What's your story?
I am 31 years old, Stuff still at my dad's house, I have offered multiple times that if they need to downsize the house, put it in storage and I will pay the bill. Still have not taken me up yet, my dad does not want to sell the house even though he doesn't live in the city any more! It is a de facto vacation house for him, I guess!
Wait. I was not supposed to be donating this stuff all along?
Yes, this!
We moved house when our kid was 9. We had a huge garage sale with the first move, and let her keep the money from her stuff. She made a couple of hundred bucks from her little kid toys and was pleased. We donated the rest.
We moved across country when she graduated high school at 17. We only brought what fit in the U-Haul.
She moved out on her own at 22, and took everything she really wanted. Anything left went in the donation pile. We're pretty minimalist people, so we have very little that we don't use regularly.
We do have one rubbermaid bin of keepsakes, that we've been saving all along. And I kept one bin of toys that I think she'll appreciate for the nostalgia factor if she has kids.
I was renting a house when my daughter was in high school, and the rent was very high but I wanted her to live in the town with the good schools where my mother was, so I sucked it up, paid the high rent, built cc debt, and got her through. Her dad was never into paying child support regularly.
As her HS graduation approached, I told her I was moving because I couldn't afford to live there anymore and had to start paying down the debt I'd accumulated raising her and that she had to go live with her dad for the summer before college started because I had to relocate to a different part of the state where I could afford to live. She took her clothes and other stuff she used regularly with her (she already had a room at his place) and everything else went into storage. I moved out of the house, throwing out a huge amount of junk accumulated over the past five years, and rented a small apartment while I searched for a condo. I put a lot of stuff into storage.
A year later I moved into my condo. Some of her stuff was still in storage and it came here with me. I have a plastic tub full of American Girl dolls and accessories in the attic as well as big plastic comforter case full of beany babies. One half of the closet in the second bedroom contains her clothes. There are also odds and ends in that room that she brought home during college, including a mandolin and a box full of her journals that I have stashed under her bed.
I will keep it here for the time being. She is 26 but back in school for her PhD. She has already lived in China for more than a year since college, and she likely will return to live in China again. I will keep her stuff for her for now. Not sure how long I will be here, but right now her stuff that's with me is minimal, and it's not in my way.
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 03-27-2018 at 08:09 AM..
I'm the adult child. My mom has saved 2-3 big plastic bins for each of her "younger" kids (we are all 30s-40s) now. With my stuff, I told her many times she's welcome to get rid of it. But she didn't. Now that I have kids, she keeps wrapping the stuff up, one at a time and giving it to my kids. We live in an urban place in a small condo and I DON'T WANT IT ALL. Some things I accept and toss.
I've offered to throw the boxes out when I visit, but they are all in her attic and not really bothering her, so she tells me to keep it there. And then when the next holiday rolls around, something I haven't seen in 30 years shows up in the mail addressed to my kids.
Wow...when I moved out of my parents house 20 years ago, it never once even occurred to me to leave things behind, with the exception of my slot car collection as Dad had the massive track set up in the basement, and that's where I always used them anyways. Other than that, every last thing went with me...or so I thought, lol. Turned out Mom did stash a bunch of stuff away, and she brought half a dozen Xerox sized boxes with her last time they visited. Though granted, the vast majority of it was baby and toddler era stuff.
I don't know...maybe it's a Gen X/Y/Z/Millennial difference thing, but I just can't grasp why people would leave things behind, then get upset when Mom or Dad dumps it.
I have a bunch of toys at my parents. Some of it I would keep, some I might sell, others may be trashed. I wouldn't want it all to just be trashed without my knowledge.
There's still some stuff there that I wouldn't mind if it was tossed.
I would insist that my child take all of their stuff upon moving out. It is their responsibility to take their things. If they don't take them, I will give away or throw away. Pretty simple !
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