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I grew up in an abusive home. My husband did as well. No kids should have to go through what we went through. It doesn't have to do with politics, it's simple decency. If a guest in my home hit their preschooler with the back of the hand on their leg (as opposed to the palm of the hand on a butt, which you could make a case was the traditional kind of spanking) I'd pull the footage from my security camera and send it to child protective services.
There is a big difference between abuse and a little spank. Everyone nowadays cries abuse all the time. A little and deserved spank never messed up anyones character or future life.
Hello everyone. This is a very random post but I needed to get other parents advice or feedback on some things so enjoy this sh*t show lol.
Quick break down of my situation.
My wife and I got back from a trip and picked up my twin 3 year old boys from my brothers and sister in laws house. One of my sons was acting up and I just popped him on the butt and them made him sit in the corner. He screams and cries so I just swatted his leg with the back of my hand and asked do you want to keep crying? He stated NO.
Well I guess my sister in law got OFFENDED by this…. ??? and then later started sending my wife very long text about how we should read these books and pretty much telling us how to parent my sons.
Quick break down on her.
They have a 9 year old. My brother was around for a bit but then they split up for a few years. His wife then moved into my parents house???? and stayed there for a few years while my brother lives hours away had a condo downtown and was just living it up and doing as he pleased. He would go up to see his son here and there but nothing special. They are back together now. Guess she just waited around hoping he would come back.
She pretty much raised him alone and was always just with her son. She kinda treats him like a little girl. He has never been spanked or whooped. He does as he pleases. He gets picked on a lot in school because of how she sheltered him a lot. He doesn’t really socialize with other kids or hangs out with other boys. He’s always on the xbox or just getting whatever he wants. My brother doesn’t really correct him at all. He says to me bragging like “Yea man. He just sits up stairs with his headphones on and plays xbox till 2am and I tell him to go to bed but he doesn’t.”
She also paints and allows him to paint his toe nails??? but she wants to give me parenting advice and so does my brother who has never raised anything. His son doesn’t even really know or care about him because it was always just his mom for a long time.
I wrote her a text just saying hey. Do not ever tell my wife or me how to raise our kids and that she is the LAST person to be giving advice to.
She then starts texting my wife stating that they are not friends anymore (hahaha omg ok) and how this is all her fault for telling me and trying to make everything my wife fault. Real class act this one is.
oh and I need some opinions on this situation. Well she stayed up here for Xmas and she apparently didn’t like staying at my new house that I just had built and when was at my brothers house she just complained about how she hated it here. My sister in law told my wife and my wife told me. I was like well damn. My mother was just talking **** about me and how she hates it here? ok. Never mentioned to her or threw anyone under the bus. All while this was going down she brought a kitten she found (IM ALLERGIC TO CATS) and this kitten is not nice. Its wild. This kitten scratched my son on his face. Nice little mark. The cat is lucky I didn’t get rid of him.
My mother is planing on coming back up soon to help with my sisters weeding. I was not aware she was going to stay with me again. So I just text her last night saying “Hey the cat is not welcome). She replied back that is fine we will just get a hotel very rude. Bringing a cat to her sons house and that son is allergic to cats and that cat SCRATCHED his 3 year olds face.
Am I in the wrong for all his? My sister in law is trying to blame my wife because we are both upset for her trying to tell us how to parent and that one of my twins has issues and just being way out of line and then my mother trying to make me feel like Im a bad person because I don’t want her cat in my house.
I just need some opinions from other parents and mothers (sorry for my bad writing).
You lost me the minute you said you hit your child! I would be livid to see anyone bullying and hurting their child in my home. Maybe pick on someone your own size that can defend themselves against you instead of a small child.
Thank you for your opinion. I believe in correcting and if that means a little bit of some physical contact then so be it. No snow flakes around these parts. That no hitting stuff is now coming to bite America in the butt with all these young adults running around thinking they dont need to answer to anything or anyone. So the no hitting thing has been NULL AND VOID.
I don't know how to say this nicely so I won't try.
Hitting your child when you return from vacation is just plain mean. He is 3 and he missed you while you were gone. He showed how much he loves and misses you and you hit him. You think that's ok? Really?He will grow up and face the hard world when it is time. 3 years old is not the time.
OP, I'm one of the few that thinks the same way you do. A pop, as you call it on the arse when needed, isn't going to hurt them. Beating them is a whole other ball game and THAT, I don't agree with.
We gave our boys spanks when they were young, and they are now fairly well rounded adults. After all I've seen with younger kids these days not getting disciplined, we were correct in correcting the behaviour. Talking to a small child doesn't do a thing to discourage poor behaviour.
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Disciplining a child when you just got home is NOT mean. They should behave whether you've been away or not. The last thing you probably wanted to do was give him a pop and I imagine that you felt that whatever your son did crossed the line.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 03-29-2018 at 08:44 AM..
Reason: off topic personal rant
OP, I'm one of the few that thinks the same way you do. A pop, as you call it on the arse when needed, isn't going to hurt them. Beating them is a whole other ball game and THAT, I don't agree with.
We gave our boys spanks when they were young, and they are now fairly well rounded adults. After all I've seen with younger kids these days not getting disciplined, we were correct in correcting the behaviour. Talking to a small child doesn't do a thing to discourage poor behaviour.
The trouble with kids these days is that they DON'T get a smack on the arse once in a while to keep them in line. Discipline begins at HOME folks!
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There are plenty of ways to teach appropriate and respectful behavior that does not involve hitting and threatening to hurt your child - that is bullying plain and simple. If the same thing was done to your neighbor, a disabled (mentally or physically) person, your elderly parents, or your wife, it would be assault! It is even worse on a defenseless child. What a shame that the only way you can get appropriate behavior is by hitting your child. News flash - even as recently as a few years ago, anonymous surveys showed 90-something percent of parents admitted to hitting their children sonthe odds of the kids your talking about being bullied at home is pretty high. Any idiot can hit a kid. Do you guys kick the dog too?
Last edited by Miss Blue; 03-29-2018 at 08:47 AM..
Thank you for your opinion. I believe in correcting and if that means a little bit of some physical contact then so be it. No snow flakes around these parts. That no hitting stuff is now coming to bite America in the butt with all these young adults running around thinking they dont need to answer to anything or anyone. So the no hitting thing has been NULL AND VOID.
I don't believe in physical punishment either, AND THEY ARE THREE!!! There are MUCH better ways to discipline them. My kids are 12 and 9 and I have never spanked them. And guess what? They are very good kids!! So sorry, but I also have to agree with another poster that said why would you leave your kids at your brothers house if you don't care for them?
Seems like a lot of drama and I think you're both in the wrong!
Impromptu physical punishment tends to escalate over time. If at three years old you're relying on spanking and slapping them (people seem to have missed the part of your wall of text where you disclosed that you didn't just spank the kid - you spanked him, then backhanded him for crying about being spanked), one has to wonder what things will be like as the kids get acclimated to that level of hurt, and also when they get old enough that they can start getting into more creative misbehaviors.
Now's the time to be really reflective about what you're doing, and learn some additional approaches to behavior management and character education that don't involve inflicting pain. You need more tools in your parental toolkit. Hitting isn't going to cut it forever.
My parents certainly weren't what I'd call overtly physically abusive but we did get spanked, slapped, cuffed, etc. I vividly recall fantasizing about hurting them back when I was getting slapped around. Those are dark thoughts for a little kid and it makes me kind of queasy just thinking about it now as an adult, wondering whether there is or was something wrong with me. I know they were doing their best, but even though it'd make us outwardly conform to what they wanted, it definitely wasn't building character or intrinsic motivation to do the right thing. Luckily by the time I myself was big enough to hurt anyone, I had some non-violent role models in my life. Meanwhile, my sister has done jail time for assault. I definitely wouldn't try to claim that's a direct cause-and-effect relationship - that being hit as a kid made her treat others aggressively - but it can't have helped.
Personally, I don't allow any kind of physical punishment at my house. If you need to spank your kid, you need to go do it somewhere else. I don't need relatives to visit me, I don't need to babysit their kids, if they can't respect my home and my rules.
THIS. Sorry, I didn't even read past the "just popped on the butt" sentence. This is just plain wrong. For 3 year old "acting up" is pretty much normal behavior. They could be hungry, tired or need energy to burn. Doesn't matter. You are a grown ass adult and raise your hand at a small kid? And in someone else's house? Yes, you are in the wrong, no matter what other drama ensued.
There is a big difference between abuse and a little spank. Everyone nowadays cries abuse all the time. A little and deserved spank never messed up anyones character or future life.
No, there isn't. Unless you are prepared to say that it's ok if your boss gives you a pop on the butt and then gives you a slap on the leg when you complain about it?
If it's not ok to do to an adult, it's not ok to do to a kid.
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Last edited by Miss Blue; 03-29-2018 at 08:50 AM..
Reason: namr calling "troll"
I don't believe in spanking AT ALL. All the research shows that it teaches the wrong lesson (might makes right) and that spanked children are generally more aggressive and unruly than non-spanked children.
I also am sick and tired of the idea that spankers always throw around . . . that non-spanking parents just let their children do anything. That is ridiculous. Taking away privileges for bad behavior WORKS and also mimics what real life consequences are going to be when the child grows up. It teaches the child to weigh their options, but not because of the fear of being hit.
On the other hand . . .
I don't think what you did warrants another parent lecturing you on how to parent. It doesn't sound like you're an abuser. (Though as a parent, you should read the research.)
If it were me, I'd think you were wrong to spank, but I'd keep it to myself.
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I would be livid to see anyone bullying and hurting their child in my home. Maybe pick on someone your own size that can defend themselves against you instead of a small child.
There are MUCH better ways to discipline them. My kids are 12 and 9 and I have never spanked them. And guess what? They are very good kids!! So sorry, but I also have to agree with another poster that said why would you leave your kids at your brothers house if you don't care for them? 