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I grew up in an abusive home. My husband did as well. No kids should have to go through what we went through. It doesn't have to do with politics, it's simple decency. If a guest in my home hit their preschooler with the back of the hand on their leg (as opposed to the palm of the hand on a butt, which you could make a case was the traditional kind of spanking) I'd pull the footage from my security camera and send it to child protective services.
In my state, spanking a child is legal. So sending that to CPS wouldn't do any good here. Just an FYI. Although I don't really believe in spanking, it's not something I'd report to the authorities.
In my state, spanking a child is legal. So sending that to CPS wouldn't do any good here. Just an FYI. Although I don't really believe in spanking, it's not something I'd report to the authorities.
It's legal where I live too. I wouldn't really have a problem with an open handed smack on the bottom, as long as it wasn't done in my house. But hitting a kid somewhere other than the butt isn't spanking, it's abuse, especially hitting with the back of the hand. Hitting the child to make him stop crying from the first spank is abusive too.
When I was a kid, plenty of adults saw what was being done to me. They saw me getting knocked down in the front yard, being dragged into my house by the hair, thrown out of the house naked, being beaten in store parking lots, and so on. After a really bad incident, I asked a teacher for help and she told the priest, who called my mother to report that I was saying things like that about her, and you can guess how that went. I'm never going to be the adult who just stands there and watches it happen.
Your brother and SIL watched your two twin 3 year olds while you and your wife took a vacation without them?
I didn't sense even a particle of gratitude.
Damn, that's what I was going to say.
You (the OP) walk in the door after they watched your kid and proceed to hit your son? Imagine what they must think. Maybe your kid was not acting up the entire time you were gone. Maybe he felt comfortable around your in-laws knowing he wasn't going to be "popped."
Listen, when my kids were smaller, I gave them an occasional "pop." Nothing that I deemed serious at the time. I wish I could take them back. All of them. It does nothing of value. For me, it was a sign that I couldn't control myself. Maybe I felt "good" about it for a fraction of a second followed later by much guilt.
I'd possibly only reserve it for when they endanger themselves or a sibling. And even then, my wife might do it since she is more level headed than me at times. I used to be on board with what you are calling a "pop" since that's what my parents did to me. I've found that it doesn't help, at least in my experience as a father of three.
So there, I just told you how not to parent your kid. And I'm a complete stranger. You don't have to listen. Go on "popping" your kid. One day your kid will realize how pointless it was. Or you'll see your kid "popping" your grandkid. You'll feel much different that day.
Often a 'pop', as we're going to call it, is a VERY effective way to stop a child from misbehaving. It's sharp and instant and lets the kid immediately know that his or her behavior is unacceptable. 'Time out' or being suspended from a pleasure is rather pointless when a lesson oftentimes needs to be learned 'right now'. All of this psycho-babble about such discipline equating to abuse is what had me rolling my eyes at university as these book-read 'experts' preached this nonsense to their brainwashed students. Whoever included the 'spare the rod and spoil the child' text in the Bible really knew what they were talking about.
Another thing, it's up to the parent/s how they discipline their children ...NOT the state! Note that the word 'discipline' does not equate to 'abuse'.
I also am sick and tired of the idea that spankers always throw around . . . that non-spanking parents just let their children do anything. That is ridiculous.
Thank you. And agree. My son is the most behaved 7 year old on planet Earth, I promise you. This isn't dad pride, this is fact. and I have never once hit him. My son has never done anything worth me hitting him for.
If you move your hand in any way that makes your child pull back: that's abuse.
But there will be no convincing OP that: my child is a "snowflake"... because I don't hit him? You got issues lady.
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Often a 'pop', as we're going to call it, is a VERY effective way to stop a child from misbehaving. It's sharp and instant and lets the kid immediately know that his or her behavior is unacceptable.
Yea, ok. Let's just call it a "pop" because... well it sounds so much better then "hit".
You know what works for me? My voice. That's it. I can strike the fear of god in my son and all I need do: is speak.
Hitting your child may discourage the behavior but it's ruining your relationship long term and perpetuating this effing myth that it's ok to "pop" your child. "Eh, my dad hit me and I turned out alright!"
Yea, my mom didn't hit me and I turned out alright, too.
Thank you. And agree. My son is the most behaved 7 year old on planet Earth, I promise you. This isn't dad pride, this is fact. and I have never once hit him. My son has never done anything worth me hitting him for.
If you move your hand in any way that makes your child pull back: that's abuse.
But there will be no convincing OP that: my child is a "snowflake"... because I don't hit him? You got issues lady.
Yea, ok. Let's just call it a "pop" because... well it sounds so much better then "hit".
You know what works for me? My voice. That's it. I can strike the fear of god in my son and all I need do: is speak.
Hitting your child may discourage the behavior but it's ruining your relationship long term and perpetuating this effing myth that it's ok to "pop" your child. "Eh, my dad hit me and I turned out alright!"
Yea, my mom didn't hit me and I turned out alright, too.
I was thinking that too about "pop". I know people too who think if they cup their hand when they hit their kid (instead of flat or a fist) then it isn't hitting. I guess we need to add these terms to baby's first dictionaries so they know they parents aren't hitting them, they are "cupping" or "popping" them.
Yeah, a "pop" is pretty much the same as hitting. I admitted as much in my earlier post and like I said there, I regret it.
I remember a friend of mine would describe how he'd "pop" his kid. And he described it in a way that wasn't so bad. I was visiting his house for a birthday party, and one of his kids did something in the backyard that he felt was deserving of a "pop." I'm like... that's pretty much what I had done... and it looks simply like hitting. It's semantics otherwise.
He screams and cries so I just swatted his leg with the back of my hand and asked do you want to keep crying? He stated NO. I'm not opposed to spanking and have used it with my own kids. However when you ask your kid if they want to keep crying, that's not a punishment for wrong doing, that's brutality on your part. You might as well just tell him you'll give him something worth crying about and then beat him black and blue.
Well I guess my sister in law got OFFENDED by this…. ??? Many parent don't approve of corporal punishment, why are you surprised by this?
His wife then moved into my parents house???? Your brother left her with an infant to care for, I doubt she had many options. It was gracious of your parents to step up and help her when their son left her in the lurch.
She also paints and allows him to paint his toe nails??? It's 2018, your gender ideas are so 1950's
I wrote her a text just saying hey. Do not ever tell my wife or me how to raise our kids and that she is the LAST person to be giving advice to.
She then starts texting my wife stating that they are not friends anymore (hahaha omg ok) and how this is all her fault for telling me and trying to make everything my wife fault. Real class act this one is. Pot meet kettle, a not very classy response to a not very classy text from you
Am I in the wrong for all his? Not all of it, but a good part of it.
I just need some opinions from other parents and mothers (sorry for my bad writing).
You asked. You have a very old fashioned parenting style and views. Some of what you believe is not going to set well with others, as you can see by many of the responses you have already received. Maybe consider coming into the 21st century, read some of the current parenting books, take a parenting class, spend more time talking with parents outside your regular group of friends.
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Let's just call it a "pop" because... well it sounds so much better then "hit".
