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Is there something a child could do to make a parent turn their back on them?
I don't think 100% unconditional love exists...
If my child was a rapist, pedophile, serial killer, wife beater, child beater, or some other gawd awful person, YES, 100% I'd turn my back on them in an instant.
No one could ever convince me that I have to love my child if he turned out like any of these. He can rot in a jail cell for all I'd care.
Love is an abstract concept devoid of measurable characteristics. Therefore, humans bring their own meaning to it and measure it based on observable human behavior.
Conditional love means that you are only loved when your actions match those of the tribe. It is a strategy meant to keep you in line.
Unconditional love means that I will attempt to see the best in a person's behavior but make sure the behavior does not abuse me or others. The goal is to understand why the person is feeling scared or angry and how to bring back security to that person while addressing my wants and needs.
Finally, there is another kind of "love." Its the one were a person feels loved when they are allowed to do anything they want. My child tried to define love in this way once. I then started putting the toys she had on the floor in a trash bag. She said, "what are you doing? Stop it!" I responded, "don't you love me? Can't I do what ever I want?" She then found a new meaning of love. It was the second one.
Is there something a child could do to make a parent turn their back on them?
Yes. As children living at home I think it is more rare. At that time you are closer to them and should be supportive of them. If they do something truly horrific or there are signs of it then as a parent you would get help for them. Sometimes they can be helped and sometimes they can't. If they can't be helped then the love might slowly die.
As an adult I don't believe in the blood is thicker than water rule. If they treat you bad, you wouldn't want to be friends with them, they hate you, or you hate them then parents can and will turn their backs on them. I think only an idiot would keep going back for more abuse. Of course there will be regret for the loss of the "good" things you had with your child but it's not worth it to keep toxic adult children in your life.
For the people who say it is the actions that you dislike then you dislike the person. Actions make a person. Why should it be different just because they are your child?
When they are young I can see your love and support being unconditional. After time they(children/people) can slowly chip away at the relationship and love you thought you had. It is a heartbreak when it happens but it happens.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lucky2balive
I don't think 100% unconditional love exists...
Agreed. I think that is for people who want to fool themselves. People fall in and out of love with people every day. A child is only different because of their birth. I actually think the people "you choose" to have in your life are more important than the ones who are blood in some cases.
Here is one definition:
"Unconditional love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves."
If you don't like the person, even your child, then why would you care about their happiness or unhappiness?
I love my son so much; it's hard to imagine a scenario in which I wouldn't love him.
I don't know how I would feel if my son committed some heinous crime or harmed another person.
He was about 2 when Columbine happened; I could not IMAGINE what the parents of the two killers were feeling. In fact, I immediately starting taking my son to church so he would get some reinforcement of right vs wrong - that's how deeply I felt about the whole Columbine situation.
I remember watching the most depressing movie called "We have to talk about Kevin" I think was the name. Where the son kills his entire family (except the Mom) as well as murders several of his classmates.
After the mother tries to get on with some kind of life, employment, etc - she continues to visit her son in jail in between horrific flashbacks. I think she blamed herself to some extent . . . but she never completely abandoned her son. Was it love or guilt? I don't know.
A 16 yr old killed his little brother and sister , was tried and convicted and received the death sentence. The parents pleaded it be changed to life with no parole. They couldn't deal with his death either. Theyes lived not to far from me and I can't even imagine what the parents went through.
My now 17 yr old daughter tried to covertly ruin my life 4 yrs ago while living under my roof. When it came out what she did, my life flashed before my eyes- the parts of my life where i realized she had lied, faked, deceived, and manipulated. The betrayal burned a hole in my heart. It was as if she fell out of that hole.
Her actions were initially under the direction of her mother then she acted on her own as she "knew what to do" at some point. It was so shocking because I did not raise her like that. My daughter knew better. We were so close at one time. I told my mother it was as if we should have had a "funeral" for her...for our memory of that wonderful girl for whom I was once proud to call my daughter This person that has her name, I rarely see and have no desire to be around. I loved my daughter as much as any father could, but I no longer have one. The daughter in my memory I love forever and is the one I sob for now as I type this.
Her mom ruined everything and is proud of herself for having done it too. When we split her mom left for awhile then resurfaced. She did not wish to go to court so she signed off for me to have physical custody. I told her we would work out a schedule. This led to her getting mad when I followed the court ordered schedule as what she wanted was basically no schedule at all. She wanted to come and go with our daughter as she pleased.
Last edited by Aboom; 07-06-2018 at 03:28 AM..
Reason: Mispell
What I think people don't realize is that it is common for parents to project upon small children - you perceive them as a "blank slate," and project good stuff onto them.
As they mature, you might begin to see the actual person - which was never who you thought he/she was.
So why didnt you clarify this in your topic title, ? That you were speaking directly about "acts of Heinous results" .
Bottom line and has been studied, most MOTHERS are more apt to STILL LOVE their off spring long after the discovery of crimes or acts that YOU deem UNFIT for society worthiness.
Some humans are capable of looking at the totality of a person and not deeming them totally corrupt or unworthy. Though a few Humans have walked this earth that were deserving of a cell for protection against humanity.
The title stands as a broad set of dynamics . The reality though for those who understand and emote Loving acts is that one can love a person and dislike their action. The totality of a person is NOT based on one act ....
Here is one example of an unconditional father. He still forgave his daughter for orchestrating the murder of his wife (her mother) and his two younger son (her younger brothers). He was the sole survivor gun shots.
My mind wonders what is that man, that still visits his daughter in prison must be thinking about the fact that she wanted him dead too.
Personally, I think a son or daughter trying to kill me would be my limit. That's really the ultimate betrayal of the highest level. I would be very scared and have a hard time viewing them in the same manner. How can you still talk to the very person that nearly kill you??? I think survival and self-preservation would override any love I ever had for that said child if that were to ever happen.
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