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Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
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We have no idea of how badly either the 3 year old or the 9 year old were hurt.
OP has not been back online to even ask them.
Wonder how much of this story is actually true.
I can see some kid sitting back, without logging in, and laughing their butt of at how heated this discussion has become.
We can make assumptions all day long. Could be the younger child got a knot on its head, would that change how you looked at it?
Could be the 9 year old got only a bruised ego. Might that change your outlook?
We don't know that the BIL placed the 9 year old on the board, could have told the kid to get on it. In that case, no 'hands were layed' on the kid.
So many assumptions with no facts to go on except what the absent 1 time poster decided to reveal. Of course it would be swayed to elicit responses that they want to hear.
I'm done, this is totally pointless without more 'facts'.
My natural reaction was to get furious about my brother-in-law‘s way of disciplining my nine-year-old son. But he stands by his decision saying he would’ve done the same thing to one of his children. He has three daughters ages three and four. My nine-year-old son was pulling one of the three-year-old twins on a boogie board and jerked it out from under her making her fall. I guess he has done this a couple times while my brother-in-law and sister-in-law were babysitting him he was asked to stop but did it for a third of fourth time. So to teach him a lesson my brother-in-law had my son stand on the boogie board and yanked it out from underneath him. Although I know that my brother-in-law‘s intentions were not to hurt my child he did get hurt. I feel that this situation could’ve been handled so differently, for example if my son had done this a few times why was he still being allowed to pull his little cousin on a boogie board? I’m not sure how to handle this. My husband is furious and will definitely talk to his brother but wants to punch him naturally. My mother in law is dramatic and feels this is going to ruin her relationship as well as her sons friendship. I want to be the rational one here. My in laws love our kids and watch them out of pure kindness. But he feels that his decision to do this to my child was ok and will not apologize. I feel that he has no business watching my kids anymore if he thinks this is ok and doesn’t respect that me and my husband don’t punish our kids like that. My son hurt his arm and his neck and both my kids are so upset at their uncle. My son feels bad and understands that he hurt his cousin. He said she didn’t get hurt the first couple times and they thought it was funny. He saw when she got hurt it wasn’t funny anymore. But his uncle still hurt him. How would any of you handle this?
Did your son require medical attention or was it just normal fall pain. It sounds like your child experienced exactly what your niece did.
Honestly it sounds like your kid was being a bully. I’m sure you’d feel differently if a 16 year old did the same to your child.
BIL could have done something different for the actual punishment .
This could be a scraped knee or it could be a compound arm fracture with a concussion to boot . It was very wrong for your son to do what he did but a grown man is going to have alot more strength that a 9 yr old boy . I would hope BIL would tell me and let me have the chance to handle it the first time it happened ,and not the 3rd time , because I surely would have .
Mom of 4 grown sons and 2 grown daughters ages 35-17
BIL was in the wrong. I don't agree with corporal punishment, but I could forgive a heat-of-the-moment swat on the behind before I'd forgive this. What he did was almost sociopathic, in my view. You don't want your nephew playing rough with your kids? You give the nephew a time out and separate the children immediately. Why on earth wouldn't he have done this from the get go or supervised the kids more closely after the first occasion?
You DON'T do the very thing you just told the kid could hurt your child. What if the OP's kid had gotten seriously injured? This was an abuse of authority and a power game on the BIL's part. The OP's son should ABSOLUTELY be made to answer for his actions though I'm not sure how "mean" he was being to his cousins. Did they cry before they actually got hurt or did they find it fun? The crazy stuff me and my cousins did to each other that was dangerous and still "fun" could fill several notebooks. And we would egg each other on. We used to slide backwards down the hill on our sleds in winter and yank the brake because it would flip the sled. It HURT sometimes if we hit the ground hard, but OMG, it was so fun!
Yeah, I'm sure the BIL was angry, but to order a kid onto a board and then deliberately yank it out from under them to prove a point is pretty psycho.
No need to put an obvious rift in the family, but I'm not thinking the OP's kid should be left with his uncle anymore.
My natural reaction was to get furious about my brother-in-law‘s way of disciplining my nine-year-old son. But he stands by his decision saying he would’ve done the same thing to one of his children. He has three daughters ages three and four. My nine-year-old son was pulling one of the three-year-old twins on a boogie board and jerked it out from under her making her fall. I guess he has done this a couple times while my brother-in-law and sister-in-law were babysitting him he was asked to stop but did it for a third of fourth time. So to teach him a lesson my brother-in-law had my son stand on the boogie board and yanked it out from underneath him. Although I know that my brother-in-law‘s intentions were not to hurt my child he did get hurt. I feel that this situation could’ve been handled so differently, for example if my son had done this a few times why was he still being allowed to pull his little cousin on a boogie board? I’m not sure how to handle this. My husband is furious and will definitely talk to his brother but wants to punch him naturally. My mother in law is dramatic and feels this is going to ruin her relationship as well as her sons friendship. I want to be the rational one here. My in laws love our kids and watch them out of pure kindness. But he feels that his decision to do this to my child was ok and will not apologize. I feel that he has no business watching my kids anymore if he thinks this is ok and doesn’t respect that me and my husband don’t punish our kids like that. My son hurt his arm and his neck and both my kids are so upset at their uncle. My son feels bad and understands that he hurt his cousin. He said she didn’t get hurt the first couple times and they thought it was funny. He saw when she got hurt it wasn’t funny anymore. But his uncle still hurt him. How would any of you handle this?
Since we're only getting your side of the story... I'd still side with your BIL. Your son was told multiple times to knock it off and didn't. Who do you think could get hurt worse, your son or a 3 yr old?
You've asked your BIL and SIL to babysit them, so you wouldn't have done that if you didn't trust their ability to raise children. It was your child that was the problem, and while you may not agree how things were handled, I'll also bet that your son will never pull anything like that again.
Your son feels bad that HE got hurt, that's why it isn't funny anymore. He didn't stop doing it until after he had it done to him.
All your BIL did was to teach a misbehaving nine year old that adults can stoop to the level of a misbehaving nine year old.
That said, when you take advantage of free child care you get what is offered. Don't like it? Make other arrangements.
I don’t think I that last sentence is deserved. Having cousins spend the day at the beach together is not unusual at all. Families watch each other’s children all the time, it Cale u Dee the category of being there for each other OT free labor. The notion that you’re taking a risk having your kids mistreated if they spend the day with an Uncle and his kids is ridiculous IMO.
Doesn't make any sense to tell a kid not to do something then do the same thing to them. It sends mixed messages.
I disagree with your post. The BIL was showing the 9-year old why he was told not to continue pulling the board out from underneath the girl. And the BIL needing to do that because the boy refused to stop doing it, after being told to stop (by an adult).
The boy obviously didn't think what he was doing was wrong. The BIL only showed him why he he was told to stop and why he shouldn't be doing it.
I really don't think what the BIL did was wrong. And the OP's husband should take his brother's side and explain to his son that he must listen when adults tell him to stop. And also point out that yanking the board out from underneath his cousins was wrong and a very dangerous prank.
that kind of tit for tat child abuse will create another adult child abuser, all in the specious name of "teaching him a lesson".... the only way to teach a child a lesson about kindness and civility is not to hurt them to show them how their behavior hurts someone....BUT TO BE IN EVERY RESPECT THE KIND OF MAN WHO SHOWS A CHILD BETTER WAYS, KINDER WAYS AND HELPFUL WAYS TO TREAT OTHER HUMAN BEINGS. IF YOUR SON MUST BE AROUND THIS CRETIN, THEN THAT'S ON YOU.... AND IT'S UP TO YOU TO SHOW IN WAYS LITTLE AND BIG JUST HOW TO BE KIND AND CONSIDERATE TO OTHERS.
Every day you will be presented with choices as to how you will react to certain things..... make sure you at all times try your level best to set a good example for your little boy, show your own empathy. go out of your way to be kinder and nicer.
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