Broaching the subject of puberty with your 12 year old who gets embarrassed (support, girl)
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I was worried about that at first, too, but I think for a child who is naturally more averse to talking about such personal things, it’s a way to make sure they have access to factual information. If one of my kids is too embarrassed to ask a particular question, I’d rather they consult a book than get potentially wrong information from a friend.
Yah, I hear that. It's a tough situation since it would be bad to put her back up by making her uncomfortable ... forcing the issue,
Somebody help me out with the need to wear a bra here, please. At 12, breasts are shaped like ice cream cones with no nipple to speak of. I don't remember going through this with my daughter and grant that it may be that my nipples are the shape and size of fire hose nipples... so ... what is the downside to not wearing a bra? Do they get teased in school?
you don't mention how old she is.... i assume she still sees a pediatrician? Can you see if they are willing to have a female nurse or nurse practitioner if they have them talk to her? If they are willing, Can't you just sit her down and say : Look, here's the option, you either talk to me or you talk to a nurse. You know her best, will this approach work, giving her options???? I'm sure you've already plead and done your level best to assure her all this is normal and hard to adjust to, but avoiding it isn't going to solve anything and only make matters worse.
I personally hope the pediatrician can't help, lol.... because i think an older cousin or a favorite aunt will be a better alternative to steer her thru the maze of womanhood. I think it is really important to treat this time of change as the most special time, magical and fun and exciting.
I was an only child and I had a very abusive mother who i wouldn't trust with two cents in my piggy bank, plus back in the day those cotton training bras circa 1960 were so scratchy, itchy and ill fitting.... i hated them and wouldn't wear them. My mother at least had enough sense to ask her sister Claire to step in and she was wonderful, we spent an entire Saturday first at Elizabeth Arden for my first day of beauty and then shopping up a storm, getting my ears pierced and then the most important part of the day was finding my "signature" scent at Saks Fifth Ave, which made me feel oh so grown up (i chose L'Air du Temps by Nina Ricci) ... We wound up the day at the Plaza for tea and just like Eloise, we spent the night with room service and it made all the difference for me to undergo the rite of passage from Barbies to bras and all the special things that go into pampering myself .... i think if you can make this very very special, she will enjoy her new role in her new body
Somebody help me out with the need to wear a bra here, please. At 12, breasts are shaped like ice cream cones with no nipple to speak of. I don't remember going through this with my daughter and grant that it may be that my nipples are the shape and size of fire hose nipples... so ... what is the downside to not wearing a bra? Do they get teased in school?
Everyone's body is different. Kids who do sports need support.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ceiligrrl
you don't mention how old she is.... i assume she still sees a pediatrician? Can you see if they are willing to have a female nurse or nurse practitioner if they have them talk to her? If they are willing, Can't you just sit her down and say : Look, here's the option, you either talk to me or you talk to a nurse. You know her best, will this approach work, giving her options???? I'm sure you've already plead and done your level best to assure her all this is normal and hard to adjust to, but avoiding it isn't going to solve anything and only make matters worse.
I personally hope the pediatrician can't help, lol.... because i think an older cousin or a favorite aunt will be a better alternative to steer her thru the maze of womanhood. I think it is really important to treat this time of change as the most special time, magical and fun and exciting.
I was an only child and I had a very abusive mother who i wouldn't trust with two cents in my piggy bank, plus back in the day those cotton training bras circa 1960 were so scratchy, itchy and ill fitting.... i hated them and wouldn't wear them. My mother at least had enough sense to ask her sister Claire to step in and she was wonderful, we spent an entire Saturday first at Elizabeth Arden for my first day of beauty and then shopping up a storm, getting my ears pierced and then the most important part of the day was finding my "signature" scent at Saks Fifth Ave, which made me feel oh so grown up (i chose L'Air du Temps by Nina Ricci) ... We wound up the day at the Plaza for tea and just like Eloise, we spent the night with room service and it made all the difference for me to undergo the rite of passage from Barbies to bras and all the special things that go into pampering myself .... i think if you can make this very very special, she will enjoy her new role in her new body
Everyone's body is different. Kids who do sports need support.
That does not seem to be what folks are talking about. The 12 year old, herself, does not see the need. So it does not sound like it is about support. I mean, if you need support, you won't have someone having to tell you you need it. It is more or less about comfort.
When I was a teen I was one of those weird guys who actually talked to girls. I had one friend who was drop dead gorgeous, and she hated the changes in her body. She wanted to go back to childhood before she started to develop. It screwed up her whole life. She hated gym class. She hated getting attention from boys. She hated having to deal with her periods, which made her miserable with cramps. As much as anything, she hated the envy of other girls who thought she should be happy to be so beautiful.
From an adult perspective, I think it's a mistake to trivialize puberty as something every girl goes through. I was an ignorant kid and had no idea how to help her, I was just somebody she could unload on. There are counselors who know about this kind of stuff. If she can't talk to her mom, she needs somebody she can talk to. Sometimes a stranger is easier.
That does not seem to be what folks are talking about. The 12 year old, herself, does not see the need. So it does not sound like it is about support. I mean, if you need support, you won't have someone having to tell you you need it. It is more or less about comfort.
Not necessarily. The mom thinks the DD needs a bra, so she probably does. BTDT.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell
When I was a teen I was one of those weird guys who actually talked to girls. I had one friend who was drop dead gorgeous, and she hated the changes in her body. She wanted to go back to childhood before she started to develop. It screwed up her whole life. She hated gym class. She hated getting attention from boys. She hated having to deal with her periods, which made her miserable with cramps. As much as anything, she hated the envy of other girls who thought she should be happy to be so beautiful.
From an adult perspective, I think it's a mistake to trivialize puberty as something every girl goes through. I was an ignorant kid and had no idea how to help her, I was just somebody she could unload on. There are counselors who know about this kind of stuff. If she can't talk to her mom, she needs somebody she can talk to. Sometimes a stranger is easier.
I agree, but read the OP. The mom says the DD doesn't want to talk to anyone about puberty.
Somebody help me out with the need to wear a bra here, please. At 12, breasts are shaped like ice cream cones with no nipple to speak of. I don't remember going through this with my daughter and grant that it may be that my nipples are the shape and size of fire hose nipples... so ... what is the downside to not wearing a bra? Do they get teased in school?
I'll address more of the posts when I'm not at work But thanks to all who are commenting! Some good stuff here...
She has more than "ice cream cones" and has nipples that show I'd say that they are more than just 'breast buds'. When I started developing breasts, I was a 34a. I'd say she's probably a 32, but definitely has enough to fill out a cup.
Listen, I'm all about comfort and whatnot, but let's just face it, when girls are clearly showing signs of development beyond just pointy nipples, most people think it's time for a bra. That's just how it is. Functionally and socially, especially as she hits her teens. Boys still do infantile things like make comments about a girl's breasts, especially if she's developing a little more than her peers, and since she's already uncomfortable, that would only make things worse, IMHO.
at this stage, it's more about getting her used to wearing one. Just like any other undergarment. And making such things as shaving, wearing deodorant, etc. part of the "new normal" now that's she entering her teenage years.
dang, it's been thirty years since I've gone through this!, LOL.
As for sex, well, we're taking a slow approach to it, bit by bit. Each child's personality is different, really. With my youngest, I can easily just give her the spiel (like my mom did with me) and finish it up with "any questions?" to which she'd probably say "Nah, not really. I'll get back to you when I have some". That's just how my youngest rolls. My oldest, however, things were a lot more drawn out. Anything explicit would repulse her. I had to get my point across without coming on too strong or being too direct. It's still a work in progress, I'm afraid to say. My mom told me at 8 in very explicit terms because a) that's just my mom and b) she didn't want the boys at school to teach me anything. I initially tried such an approach with my oldest daughter and it didn't go so well. I didn't think it would be such a big deal when I didn't have kids of my own but the world's different when you're dealing with your own!
she's definitely tends to be on the more conservative side...of course your kids can surprise you but just from my interactions with her, I feel this is the case.
OK folks. Who should help the 12 year old to get over her embarrassment? Mom or somebody else, like a 14 year old boy.
Time to wake up, Mom. The clock is ticking.
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But thanks to all who are commenting! Some good stuff here...
I'd say that they are more than just 'breast buds'. When I started developing breasts, I was a 34a. I'd say she's probably a 32, but definitely has enough to fill out a cup. 
