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Another child-free person here (with spouse). That gap between married w/o kids and married w/ kids is not unlike the gap between single and married. Make that change and your priorities/life changes. The things you talk about reflect the things you prioritize and a gap forms. that is just the way things are, there's no good or bad about it, just truth.
Now, there are SOME judgemental/preachy people out there. Sometimes they're single drcrying couples. Sometimes they are in couple decrying singles and/or couples with kids, sometimes they're people with kids and decry those without. Point is, it's the PERSON who's lousy, not the fact that they found a mate or procreated (or didn't). Someone pulls out the judgement and you can either take the high road or the low. High road is simply ignoring them, be comfortable and confident with yourself and the decisions you've made. Take the low (I'm guilty of this, not particularly Proud of it, though I do derive some enjoyment) and you basically turn it back on them.
Rest assured, there are plenty of other couples in the same boat, without children and getting constant "social pressure" to have them. It's in the media and has been for decades, it's been turned into a weapon via immigration which in turn created MORE social pressure. As was mentioned above, you MUST own your decision to get any peace from this (seemingly endless) pressure. The first time you can smile and reply that you know you've made the right decision (and believe it), you'll feel the stress of the situation drain away.
BTW, when someone I don't know very well asks me "how many children", I, now, reply with "thankfully, none" with a smile. It's a bit aggressive, but MOST people get that it's a topic to drop without getting offended. Occasionally I'll have to get a little nasty when they try to push their personal views/opinions on the matter and I can't just walk away (alright, and when I'm in a foul mood from something else), plenty of easy ways to make those folks feel the way they're attempting to make me feel.
We decided not to have them. Never once was on the pill, just careful (for the most part) but just felt I was never ready to be a mom and now at 43 I’m not going to (yes I know people say you still can) in my case though, I’m trying to loose weight, on cholesterol meds and don’t feel I’d be healthy enough nor financially could afford it. I just feel like many people judge me....some people who meet me will ask “How many kids I have?” not even “Do you have kids?” I feel some friends or people I meet who have kids can’t relate to me and only want to be around others who have kids. Some other friends of mine talk about their kids nonstop. I love kids and want to be around them but I don’t like going to dinner with friends who talk about their kids the whole time or if their kids are there, have no discipline over them. I feel worthless sometimes as I know many people say having kids is our main purpose.
Someone already said you are not worthless. You are not at all!
I didn't have children either and I'm 68.
I knew when I was a teen, back in 60s, that I was not suited for parenting.
And, do not, let people try to guilt trip you into believing that childlessness equals selfishness.
I think very positively about people who make the choice not to have children. It takes a huge amount of will and self awareness not to succumb to the enormous societal pressure to have children. Children require so much time, money and energy to grow and thrive. If someone knows they are not up to the task, then they should be applauded for not putting themselves and the child through a lifetime of misery.
If I had children I’d never sleep. I’d worry about them constantly. Our dogs are our kids (although I don’t go around saying that to everyone). I often ask my mom if she is upset she probably won’t have any grandkids (my sister most likely won’t have kids either) and she said not all. She said having kids isn’t all it’s cracked up to be (I’m like, thanks a lot! Lol). And in this day in age it’s not a great time to bring a child into the world especially the last 10 to 20 years.
You know OP...the human race...we're ALL judgey people. Probably why Jesus felt the need to say something about judginess.
"Judge not, that ye be not judged.
[SIZE=3]2 [/SIZE]For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
[SIZE=3]3 [/SIZE]And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?"
I'm not calling you out in any way at all. Jesus said what he said because of all of us. LOL
Don't worry about what others think, but more importantly, make peace with yourself. I sense that you feel defensive. Please don't be. There will ALWAYS be people who are going to stick their feet in their mouths, and say cloddish things, and there will always be people who make assumptions, and they shouldn't. It's not a reflection of who you are.
For what it's worth, young mothers get PLENTY of judgement from other people. From breast feeding to bathing, to getting them in the right preschools...it never ends.
You made the decision that was right for you. It's fine!
No. I'm more inclined to judge people who had kids but shouldn't have.
Yes, exactly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian_M
BTW, when someone I don't know very well asks me "how many children", I, now, reply with "thankfully, none" with a smile. It's a bit aggressive, but MOST people get that it's a topic to drop without getting offended. Occasionally I'll have to get a little nasty when they try to push their personal views/opinions on the matter and I can't just walk away (alright, and when I'm in a foul mood from something else), plenty of easy ways to make those folks feel the way they're attempting to make me feel.
Great answer!
I have one kid, and over the years I've had people try to delve into the whys and wherefores. None of their business! I've gotten a bit rude with some who don't let it go. But then, digging into someone's private life when you haven't been invited is extremely rude, so I don't feel bad about it. My line has been a deadpan "Well, when you do it right the first time, you don't have to keep trying". Works especially well if they have a large bunch.
If you are married and militant about not having children then other married couples who do have kids will judge you. Yes it's not a popular stance but it's reality. Infertility aside, I think most women cannot understand how another woman could not have the natural maternal longings they experience. For a woman who has a child it seems strange and selfish. Again, this is not a popular answer but you asked.
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