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Old 09-29-2018, 04:35 PM
 
Location: Washington state
6,972 posts, read 4,816,350 times
Reputation: 21742

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Propop View Post
Another "immature post" brandishing emotional diatribe even insinuating "that I'm getting all worked up about it" when YOU'RE the one going on an infantile rant. In other words, you're supposed to be an adult for giving your opinion but I'm not for giving mine. Whether I type in bold or not is my prerogative. There are many features to the message board...you should try using them..LOL Don't get upset with me because I do.

You wrote:
This mother is providing her son with a free place to live, free food, and free utilities. Food and utilities are coming out of HER money that SHE earns"
OK, so what has she been doing with the money he gave her? I mean she raised his rent to $300. It's not free for the son physically or mentally it appears.

All in all, your rant doesn't change my opinion. The mother is acting over emotional because things didn't go her way for a couple or a few months. That's not bad out of 19 years! You wrote that: "By the way, she's tried to talk to her son. She's already tried the calm approach. Go back and reread her first post. It's not like she hasn't told him how she felt or tried to get him to do or say something. It didn't work." Of course it didn't work...! The operative words here are: "It's not like she hasn't TOLD him how she felt or tried to GET HIM to do or say something." OK...so she "told" a so-called adult how she felt and "tried to get him to do or say something." Did she give him the same opportunity? Sounds pushy to me. If anything, "as adults" we should know how teens (and yes this boy is still a teen) thinks or their lack of thinking. TELLING them not to do something is like saying do it. You must be intelligent and use reasoning with not only teens but with other adults and small children as well. The child has a side as well and I would love to hear it. There are some terrible, neglectful, evil parents out there (I'm not saying she's one of them). Parents aren't perfect and they're not ALWAYS right either, even though they think they are! Raising a child is more than just 'telling them what to do." In addition, he is a male and she is a female. They're coming from different angles. Perhaps the boy should be with his father or is the mother busy yelling at him too...!

As to what Mom did with the money he did give her for rent (and isn't giving her now), maybe she paid some of the bills with it. Like part of the hot water bill and the heating bill and his share of the groceries (compare how much a 19 year old can eat to what his mother eats) and the electric bill and his car insurance and for the car she gave him before he bought his own...

Well, we'll just have to agree to disagree, especially if you're going to put down my posts and their content. I see no value to continuing to respond to you.

 
Old 09-29-2018, 04:45 PM
 
2,630 posts, read 2,650,789 times
Reputation: 6497
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
you are doing the right thing, and it has to be the most difficult you've ever done, but your doing the right thing for him....

Wishing you the best.

Another ditto for me. First post I've actually read that the OP did the right thing in this situation. He will forgive you, don't worry about that. I was a young male and didn't really connect with my parents until about 28-30. Many children think their parents are unfair, evil, the worst people ever... 18-26 is the perfect age to get back at them and disconnect. At a certain age you realize one day you are going to die and all you will have left is family. He may even stop smoking pot.
 
Old 09-29-2018, 08:23 PM
Status: "I'm turquoise happy!" (set 27 days ago)
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
23,883 posts, read 32,169,141 times
Reputation: 67783
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
Was going to respond when I realized it was a first time poster who has never bothered to come back.
The fact that the OP never returned tells me a lot about her devotion to parenting. It appears to be lax and unfocussed.

Which is why her son is lax and unfocussed.
 
Old 09-30-2018, 03:59 AM
 
334 posts, read 186,631 times
Reputation: 830
Quote:
Originally Posted by ByeFelicia. View Post
First sentence of the Op
"I am very sad it has come to this. My son has lived with me since I divorced his dad 10 years ago."

I guess if you've already severed a relationship,
with the one you promised to love, honor, and obey
until death do you part,
handing him a divorce decree,
and now handing your son a 30 day notice to move
Must be easy peasy
You have a knack for this legal stuff
against loved ones
Instead apologize for the divorce.
Compliment him for holding a job
even making more $$ than you do at age 19
Compliment him for not already being married
with a child on the way
and not divorced like you
praise him for his job.
The fact he can hold it
praise him for his strengths
tell him you will straighten yourself up
and are sorry for the trauma you've caused him
with your bad decisions
If all your sins were limited to "not paying enough rent" and "a messy room"
you'd be doing a hell of alot better
No reason your son would continue to even bother with you.
Seems you toss your loved one's out like rag dolls
If he's smart
he won't trust you
One of the best post on this thread. You hit it on the nose...! Instead of complimenting what he IS doing right (which will encourage him to do better), the mother is consistently putting him down and nagging him. This boy is her "son" NOT her husband and the way she humiliates him in front of others is cruel. She probably acted the same way with her x-husband. I wonder if the son has any contact with him at all because of her...! Great post...!

Quote:
Originally Posted by rodentraiser View Post

Well, we'll just have to agree to disagree, especially if you're going to put down my posts and their content. I see no value to continuing to respond to you.
Good...Good Bye!




 
Old 09-30-2018, 07:15 AM
 
7,982 posts, read 5,335,161 times
Reputation: 35525
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
The fact that the OP never returned tells me a lot about her devotion to parenting. It appears to be lax and unfocussed.

Which is why her son is lax and unfocussed.
Very well said. I agree with you.
 
Old 09-30-2018, 01:08 PM
 
Location: Central Florida
3,658 posts, read 2,541,588 times
Reputation: 12288
Quote:
Originally Posted by Propop View Post
One of the best post on this thread. You hit it on the nose...! Instead of complimenting what he IS doing right (which will encourage him to do better), the mother is consistently putting him down and nagging him. This boy is her "son" NOT her husband and the way she humiliates him in front of others is cruel. She probably acted the same way with her x-husband. I wonder if the son has any contact with him at all because of her...! Great post...!


Good...Good Bye!



Ah yes, compliment him on not paying his bills and not cleaning his room or bathroom. Those are monstrous tasks. Good job son. Also way to go smoking pot, it can only help with future endeavors. LOL.

Your speculation on how she treated her husband is just nonsense. You have no idea what transpired.

If humiliating him is asking him to do basic things like pay bills and do some cleaning I hope he never has a demanding job. He will crawl into the fetal position with thumb inserted in mouth when asked to do minor tasks.

I give her props for not allowing her son to become another 35 year old loser dwelling in his mom's basement playing videos games and working 10 hours a week at McDonald's.
 
Old 09-30-2018, 02:07 PM
 
334 posts, read 186,631 times
Reputation: 830
Quote:
Originally Posted by budlight View Post
Ah yes, compliment him on not paying his bills and not cleaning his room or bathroom. Those are monstrous tasks. Good job son. Also way to go smoking pot, it can only help with future endeavors. LOL.

Your speculation on how she treated her husband is just nonsense. You have no idea what transpired.

If humiliating him is asking him to do basic things like pay bills and do some cleaning I hope he never has a demanding job. He will crawl into the fetal position with thumb inserted in mouth when asked to do minor tasks.

I give her props for not allowing her son to become another 35 year old loser dwelling in his mom's basement playing videos games and working 10 hours a week at McDonald's.
Obviously you're not taking the grown-up intelligent approach. You attract goodness with honey not with vinegar. Complimenting a person (he already has a demanding job according to the mother) encourages them to do more of the good things. It's like distracting a child. You give them something else in one hand in order to distract them from what you want to take from them in the other hand. Always harping on negativity is a recipe for disaster and makes a person feel bad and useless. They figure why try...they're not going to be satisfied anyway. Positivity helps to establish trust. Then it's like taking candy from a baby. The other person knows that you believe in them. They will then want to do more of the things that they see make you happy. They want to impress you. They get joy out of your joy. Of course, this requires a mature approach which it appears that most so-called "adults" don't have on this thread. I see why the country is in such a disarray. The parents are no more wiser than the children....!

Last edited by Propop; 09-30-2018 at 03:04 PM..
 
Old 09-30-2018, 02:18 PM
 
Location: Midwest
9,226 posts, read 10,989,923 times
Reputation: 17505
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kgryfon View Post
I live in one of the most expensive areas in the entire country. My son and some of his friends got together and rented a house out in the suburbs so they could afford to move out of their parent's homes. Best thing he ever did. He works a ****ty job as a security guard, working nights for decent pay that he worked his way up to. He goes to college during the day for industrial biotechnology, which he pays for by himself for the most part with a bit of assistance from me. No student loans. He was a fairly poor student in high school but now really works hard at school since he doesn't want to be a security guard forever. He got self-motivated and grew up.


Never would have happened if he stayed living with me, and we both knew it. I didn't kick him out. We mutually decided that moving out was the best thing for him. But I would have kicked him out if he had ever disrespected me like this kid does his mother.


Ditto for the other guys he moved in with.


For the most part, people can figure it out if they want to bad enough. It was true then and it's still true.
Ha! Great story, Kgryfon. An easy life can be a useless life of laziness, non-motivation, non-achievement, and pardon the far-overused term/excuse, poor self-esteem or self-image.

There is nothing that boosts self-confidence so much as working hard for something and achieving it. Sitting around being a slacker means you're training your mind to be a slacker.

There's no future in that, not even for Sonny Drysdale (Beverly Hillbillies reference).
 
Old 09-30-2018, 09:16 PM
 
Location: Wasilla, AK
7,448 posts, read 7,514,861 times
Reputation: 16456
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
Was going to respond when I realized it was a first time poster who has never bothered to come back.

I brought that up in my first post, near the beginning. I think most of the time one-time posters either don't like the answers they get or they post a made-up situation under a new screen name just to stir the pot and see what happens.
 
Old 09-30-2018, 09:36 PM
 
Location: Mesa AZ
294 posts, read 217,443 times
Reputation: 906
Quote:
Originally Posted by Propop View Post
Obviously you're not taking the grown-up intelligent approach. You attract goodness with honey not with vinegar. Complimenting a person (he already has a demanding job according to the mother) encourages them to do more of the good things. It's like distracting a child. You give them something else in one hand in order to distract them from what you want to take from them in the other hand. Always harping on negativity is a recipe for disaster and makes a person feel bad and useless. They figure why try...they're not going to be satisfied anyway. Positivity helps to establish trust. Then it's like taking candy from a baby. The other person knows that you believe in them. They will then want to do more of the things that they see make you happy. They want to impress you. They get joy out of your joy. Of course, this requires a mature approach which it appears that most so-called "adults" don't have on this thread. I see why the country is in such a disarray. The parents are no more wiser than the children....!
As I used to tell the mentally ill young man I mentored for 20 years when he would get a little deep into outer space and insist he was right " what you are saying might be true on your home planet but here on earth that is not true" Your response is so weak I can barely type this with a straight face, this is not Peter Pan Land it is the cold cruel earth and that punk is no longer deserving of the pampering you suggest. YOUR thinking is the reason this country is in decline. Learn some damn history. Hardazz hard working people made this nation great not wimpy limp wristed soy boys!
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