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Better now than when he's got the girlfriend and a couple illegitimate kids living in there with you too.
It is tough on you, that much is clear, but you haven't done anything wrong, and he has. You haven't withdrawn your love...you still love him, and he needs to learn you wouldn't do any of this if you didn't. If you didn't love someone you would let them ruin their own life by staying mired in their bad habits.
So he needs to understand you did this BECAUSE you love him, and part of a parents love is the desire for their child to become self-sufficient and make good decisions, learn to prioritize needs over wants, and be happy. And its key to those ends for a child to learn the basic lessons of responsibility and accountability, and its best to learn those early, because never learning them or learning them late in life, guarantees a very hard life.
I know its really hard on you, and Im sure he doesnt mean those hateful words. Hes working he has money. He needs to learn how to support himself. The free ride is over, and now he will have to learn he cant spend all his money on pot, he'll have to provide a roof over his head and food. What a great lesson. The sad thing is Ive heard this story so many times, and if the kid had a modicum of sense, he'd realize how good he had it, and how little he has to do to keep you happy. But its the entitled generation, and no better lesson than to let him learn what you have learned so many years ago. You ARE doing him a favor.
Its good that you had him served by a sheriff. Thats the real world. When he gets behind on his rent, and his landlord is tired of it, he will get served and evicted. Thats the real life, the sooner he learns the happier he will be.
Tough love. You are doing the right thing, in my opinion. He has to start taking responsibility for his life and taking it seriously.
What he said.
I dated a woman once who had a 7 year old boy who was basically a little ****. He could do no wrong in her eyes.. talk back, fart at the dinner table, act up in school - you name it. And not only did he get away with it, but she would make excuses for him.
I ran into her just a couple of months ago and guess who's still living with her? That's right.. he is pushing 30 and has never left her apron string. Probably no intention of it either.
You know what my mom used to do, if my brother didn't take the trash out? She'd dump the trash on his bed. She figured if he wanted to sleep on trash, it was his problem, not hers.
Another time, she used to tell my dad and my brothers to please put on a shirt when at the dinner table. (We lived in Florida. It gets hot. LOL) Well, one day they came to the table with no shirt on, once again, so she took hers off. I can still see it clearly in my mind, my mom sitting at the table with a black bra on, just casually eating her dinner. LOL My dad and brothers blushed, got up, and went and put shirts on.
We had curfews. My brother (the same one) decided curfews were for the birds, he'd come home when he dang well felt like it. He got told about it...but he didn't care. Until he got locked out. Ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door did nothing. He ended up sleeping in his truck. Now...THAT one...my parents lost that battle. But they locked the door at curfew time, and if my brother made it home in time to sleep in his bed, OK. If not, OK.
My mom and dad had 5 kids. They rarely lost a battle to us. We learned to know that if they said something was the law...then dang it, it was the law. Proceed at your own risk, if you know what I mean.
Your son has not had to feel the consequences of his actions. Stand firm. He may rant and rave, but stand firm.
Lol! Your parents meant business. I wouldn't say your parents lost the battle of the curfew, your brother just chose to suffer the consequences.
The only thing I have to offer is never give an ultimatum unless you absolutely plan on enforcing the sanctions you have threatened to impose. If your son doesn't meet the conditions you have set and he's in your house on day 31, you will have blinked and you will have lost all credibility. And he will continue to live in your house and do nothing. My guess is that he counting on you to break weak and not kick him out. Don't be a one-time drive poster. Let us know what happens after 30 days.
How about if you take him out to dinner and have a heart to heart talk with him? Or invite him on a hike, find out what is going on with his life. He is clearly not a happy person.
Is he going to school? Does he have a plan for his future? He sounds depressed. How about if you help him clean his room--or suggest he pay someone to clean it--get him to a fresh start--maybe he will feel better inside. People keep messy living places because their life is messy.
Uhm....you need to "choose your battles." Because for 2-months things haven't been going "your way" you want to kick your son out of the house? Today, it's not unusual to find kids in their mid-twenties and older staying at home because they can't afford to move! Some are even moving back home! Anyway, I think you need to chill-out.
First of all, it's your son's room so let him keep it the way he wants. Don't go in there if it bothers you so much! If he hasn't paid his rent in the last couple of months, have him pay automatically by direct deposit into your account. Find a way to work "with him" not "against him." Don't make a battle into a war about money!
You should spend time with your son. QUIET time. Go for a walk, go for a meal, do something together to get him to open up. Screaming and being angry only makes a person coil up. It won't make him open up. As a matter of fact, they way you are going after him, you are hurting his self-esteem...badly. Remember: YOU are the parent...start acting like a mature adult...!
If there are any feminist on this board, your feelings might get hurt with my next words. But "there is a difference between males and females." Your approach is typical female which is overly emotional....I want to have my way or else...! Be more rational, logical, and understand the difference between the thinking of men and women. Why are you trying to embarrass him in front of others like his girlfriend? Totally irrational and cruel....!
Overall, you probably have a good kid on your hands. The test is really on you...not him! Your parenting skills (not shouting, emotional, I want my way skills) should be at work now. Trying to discover what's making your child unhappy. Love requires wisdom...if you don't "get your head together" you're going to make yourself feel worse and possibly miss out on a great relationship with your son. People go through tough spots sometimes...even our children. How would you want someone to react to you? You will get more out of him by being wise, loving, kind yet firm...than making ultimatums, shouting, pushing, and trying to humiliate him. Just the thought of doing that to another person makes me cringe....! Good Luck
How about if you take him out to dinner and have a heart to heart talk with him? Or invite him on a hike, find out what is going on with his life. He is clearly not a happy person.
Is he going to school? Does he have a plan for his future? He sounds depressed. How about if you help him clean his room--or suggest he pay someone to clean it--get him to a fresh start--maybe he will feel better inside. People keep messy living places because their life is messy.
Good for you. Most parents let their kids leech off of them.
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