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Structure, consequences, actually teaching how to behave instead of punishing for bad behavior, recognition of good behavior, and interesting stuff to do.
I raised my boys alone in a house with my mother there, so two women, two boys. Their father was never in their lives after I divorced him when they were quite young (his choice). They were still well-behaved, considerate, well-mannered, and their temper tantrums when young were few and nipped in the bud quickly.
No, I'm not tooting my own horn here. I'm making the point that you do not NEED A MAN to avoid horrendous childhood behavior. All things being equal, a great, involved second parent is ideal, in my opinion, but saying the kid is acting out because Daddy's not around is a copout... also in my opinion. Teach children what is expected of them and reward them for doing it (not with treats or money or whatever... parenting is not bribery), and, barring some medical/mental/emotional problem, it will work if you're consistent. Heck, it worked for my autistic son too.
OP and her daughter should just continue giving him the iPhone to watch movies or play his games. Find a mirror in your home, face it and practice to say the word "no".
Three is a challenging yet wonderful age. The parallel to teens is not quite right because teens are much of the way "baked" as it were. But 3 year old WANT to do right and belong and all sorts of great stuff.
Don't be putting labels on him and trying to get doctors to prescribe medications like ritalyn to take the place of parenting and discipline.
He is at that age where he is testing to see what he can get away with and if anyone will actually discipline. At that age, some children will do whatever you will allow them to do. I was one of them. He needs his ass whipped. He needs quick swift discipline until he gets it in his head that there are going to be consequences for his actions. He may be like I was and it will require you putting the fear in him. No amount of those silly discipline techniques like time out or standing in the corner or quiet time or any of that silliness ever worked on me. If you put me in a room by myself as punishment, it only gave me time to come up with a plan of action to make your life a holy living hell the rest of the day. Only good swift whippings worked and my dad had to make a believer out of me.
I agree with swift discipline, but just a spank. No whippings! That is physical child abuse in my books.
Some kids just don't do well in time out. (such as dijkstra says). It worked for one of mine, didn't work for the other. He tore his room apart.
I'm sorry, but this 3-year old needs a belt to his behind. There's no way he would be cutting up like that with my parents or grandparents, or any of the elders in my family. Sounds to me like his parents spoiled him and now they're trying to set boundaries, but they're too late because the child is already showing out. It's a small chance he could have a developmental disorder, but for the most part, this kid needs old-school discipline.
Get the food in wrappers out of the house and give him a teaspoonful of fish oil daily. It is expensive but worth it. Not the gummies - they hardly have any omega-3 in them. Get norwegian fish oil on amazon.
You will see behavior improvement soon.
And yes, take away his electronic devices and limit TV time to 30 minutes a day max. Preferably PBS or something educational from a local library. Read a book to him. Take him to story times. That fish oil will help. For real
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