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Hello, so I would like some opinions to what everyone thinks is fair. I pay my 2 daughters paternal grandma for babysitting, both this past summer and after school currently. She picks them up from school Monday through Thursday and has them for 2.5 hours for those 4 days during this school year, until 5pm.
Background: Her son and I have always had a custody agreement between us, they live with me but he has them every Wednesday from after school until 7:30 and every other Friday through Sunday evening. It has been like this for 5+ years. He never helped with expenses except food and toys when they were in his care and even in the beginning I was sending food over to his home on his weekends. I filed for Child Support November 2017 even though he wasn't working and he hadn't been working for about a year. (Long story but he is fully capable of physical work and even basic easy work too. He decided to be unemployed due to crappy life decisions he made and he also doesn't like having a boss and being told what to do.) So over the spring/summer he was employed for 3 months doing concrete work so his mom said since he is paying me child support I have to pay daycare expenses. I have absolutely no problem with that. But he quit his job in August because he didn't like his boss telling him what to do and he didn't have any other employment lined up and he has since been unemployed, which obviously means no child support. The KICKER is that due to his life decisions etc etc, he has been living with his mom in her apartment for over a year now. He is unemployed and has no car so he is there at her apartment with the kids 90% of the time!
I feel if Dad is home when the kids are there I shouldn't have to pay, especially since he isn't contributing monetarily. I don't know if the money I pay his mother goes to him but I know he doesn't help pay her rent or bills or buy food so any money I pay her helps her household which includes him. I feel taken advantage of when it comes to paying her when her son is there playing and interacting with the kids the whole time, especially being that Wednesday and every other Fridays are his days! Like I said, I pay for all the kids expenses with no government assistance besides medical and I know that will end in the next few months due to my income recently becoming over the limits. He won't even give me $20 when its needed for school lunches for the girls. I have gotten less than $1000 in child support in 4 years (which is fine I guess) but I have paid her well over $1500 in child care in 6 months. Oh, and when I bring it up he says he doesn't want to have to watch them all the time, yet he is always there watching them! I'm glad the girls see their dad and family regularly, but should I have to pay for this?
Hello, so I would like some opinions to what everyone thinks is fair. I pay my 2 daughters paternal grandma for babysitting, both this past summer and after school currently. She picks them up from school Monday through Thursday and has them for 2.5 hours for those 4 days during this school year, until 5pm.
Background: Her son and I have always had a custody agreement between us, they live with me but he has them every Wednesday from after school until 7:30 and every other Friday through Sunday evening. It has been like this for 5+ years. He never helped with expenses except food and toys when they were in his care and even in the beginning I was sending food over to his home on his weekends. I filed for Child Support November 2017 even though he wasn't working and he hadn't been working for about a year. (Long story but he is fully capable of physical work and even basic easy work too. He decided to be unemployed due to crappy life decisions he made and he also doesn't like having a boss and being told what to do.) So over the spring/summer he was employed for 3 months doing concrete work so his mom said since he is paying me child support I have to pay daycare expenses. I have absolutely no problem with that. But he quit his job in August because he didn't like his boss telling him what to do and he didn't have any other employment lined up and he has since been unemployed, which obviously means no child support. The KICKER is that due to his life decisions etc etc, he has been living with his mom in her apartment for over a year now. He is unemployed and has no car so he is there at her apartment with the kids 90% of the time!
I feel if Dad is home when the kids are there I shouldn't have to pay, especially since he isn't contributing monetarily. I don't know if the money I pay his mother goes to him but I know he doesn't help pay her rent or bills or buy food so any money I pay her helps her household which includes him. I feel taken advantage of when it comes to paying her when her son is there playing and interacting with the kids the whole time, especially being that Wednesday and every other Fridays are his days! Like I said, I pay for all the kids expenses with no government assistance besides medical and I know that will end in the next few months due to my income recently becoming over the limits. He won't even give me $20 when its needed for school lunches for the girls. I have gotten less than $1000 in child support in 4 years (which is fine I guess) but I have paid her well over $1500 in child care in 6 months. Oh, and when I bring it up he says he doesn't want to have to watch them all the time, yet he is always there watching them! I'm glad the girls see their dad and family regularly, but should I have to pay for this?
What's everyone's opinion??
My opinion is that Dad's a deadbeat and a freeloader, and just because he chooses to be unemployed, he doesn't get out of his responsibility to pay for child support. It is NOT "fine" for him to have paid less than $1000 in four years for his children's care.
I'd suggest first that you visit a lawyer to find out about how to enforce the child support order.
Second, since your payment to his mother started after he paid you some child support, I suggest that you tell her that since he is no longer paying you child support, you won't be able to pay her for taking care of the kids. Tell her that when her son starts paying child support regularly, then you'll be in more of a position to pay her.
If she's a vindictive person, she may refuse to pick the kids up from school and take care of them any more. So be ready with a Plan B for someone else to do the after-school care if she's likely to refuse to do it any more.
I wonder what kind of job he thinks he can get, where no one will tell him what to do. That is just bizarre. I'm sorry you're stuck dealing with this child in an adult's body, OP. I've heard of this strange syndrome before, of men objecting to being told what to do on the job. It's got to be part of a personality disorder, IOW a type of mental illness.
And now he's moved into mom's apartment? Well, I guess it's better than being homeless?? Some men have no qualms about being homeless, or couch-surfing, for years, in order to avoid making child-support payments. You're "lucky" (haha ) , at least he has a fixed address where you can find him. Good luck. Those poor kids!
Step 1: get a new babysitter. Someone who will be a positive role model.
Step 2: enforce the child support decree.
Step 3: Be civil. The kids don't need to hear your opinion of their Dad.
As a single mom I prioritized . Their bond with their Dad wasn't contingent on money. That door was open for them to build upon.
You get my respect for being the responsible adult and loving parent. Keep that strength going.
Just pretend he's not a factor, because he isn't. He may be there, but I doubt he's watching them, and he's already said he doesn't WANT to. And grandma is already having to use gas and food for your children AND now hers. I would pay her.
If you trust his mom and she's reliable, let it go. Good childcare is not always easy to find.
Make other arrangements for the care of your children. The grandmother raised this bum, and supports this bum. She knows what he is. You're going to pay her to take care of your children, while their father sits there, doing whatever bum things the bum does all day long?
They're trash. Raise your girls better than this. Make other arrangements for their after school care. Teach them by your example that people work and pay for themselves. Don't talk dirt about the father and his family. DO get the state to go after him for child support. Even people who don't work can have child support judgements enforced upon them.
Make other arrangements for the care of your children. The grandmother raised this bum, and supports this bum. She knows what he is. You're going to pay her to take care of your children, while their father sits there, doing whatever bum things the bum does all day long?
They're trash. Raise your girls better than this. Make other arrangements for their after school care.
LMAO!
I second that. Find other childcare-that situation is ludicrous. I wouldn’t want the bum raiser raising mine.
You've seen the results of grandma's parenting. Now, there are certainly good parents who raise kids who go astray, but that doesn't seem to be the case here, as she's STILL enabling his man-child behavior. You're hard at work daily, and giving the money you earn there to the household that contains that freeloader? That's just a huge NOPE to me.
If it's at all possible to secure safe childcare elsewhere or with another sitter, I would do so ASAP. Then the entire issue is moot.
Your school district may have an after-school program that goes until 5.
It seems I said this to another poster today: Dad owes his children financial supports. Period, end of story. He can get a job and start paying his share of their expenses. You owe it to your children to make sure he supports them.
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) , at least he has a fixed address where you can find him. Good luck. Those poor kids!
