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My children are adults now so I've cut back on the number of gifts for them and the amount we spend on them. They have good paying jobs and can generally afford what they want on their own.
For years they received a set of new pajamas on Christmas Eve. I stopped doing that a couple of years ago. Now the Christmas Eve gift is a pair of Christmas socks. I also decided no clothes this year. While I can always find lots of cute stuff for our daughter, men's clothing for our son and son-in-law is just boring. I think I've bought each of them sweaters in every possible color in the past few years.
I focused more on personalized gifts this year. Son-in-law's name is Chinese. He joked one time that he never found anything with his name on it. I bought him a personalized Yeti cup. Same for our son as his name is not common. Each will have four gifts to open.
Our twin preschoolers are getting two gifts each, from us. Son is getting $12 worth of stuff. Daughter is getting $7 worth of stuff.
I don't know or care what or how much they're getting from their grandparents and relatives. I made a list for the family, at their grandmother's request, with the suggestion that people consider getting them a dollar-store toy or something similar.
If people want to go big, the list also has $1000's or at least $100's worth of suggestions, most classes/activities/memberships, but some toys too. So the relatives are free to do as they wish.
Too much is whatever you deem it. I don't care. If grandparents or whomever wants to set up an expectation of extravagant gifts (no one has in past Xmases), that's on them, not me.
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"Mistress of finance and foods."
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Location: Coastal Georgia
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I have kept the average cost to about $50. a person. Fortunately, we only exchange gifts with my daughters family and my youngest sons family....the ones with kids. If we happen to spend the holidays with the others then we buy something for them. I always start early, too, so I spread the cost out.
My boys get 1 gift of clothing (but I really don't buy them clothes during the year other than essentials - socks/underwear/coat if they outgrew it), 1 gift of books, 1 gift that aligns with one of their hobbies/crafts, and 1 fun thing. Santa gets them 1 big thing - usually joint - to open Christmas morning. "Big" doesn't have to be particularly big or expensive. It's the surprise gift.
My parents and sisters and their families get around 3-4 gifts each to open whenever we all get together. My parents do not shop for gifts anymore. My one sister does it pretty much like I do. The other one makes quite a bit more money and is a shopaholic, so she usually gifts about twice as much to everyone.
I'm glad we have a reasonably small family. I feel sort of sorry for people with 8 aunts and uncles, 15 nieces and nephews, 25 grandkids, etc. Sounds like expensive chaos!
We celebrate Hanukkah rather than Christmas so there is a big difference in that there's one gift for each night, rather than a whole bunch all at once.
But I will say that 8 gifts comes out to about the right amount. I always get something artsy-crafty that he can make/put together, something that's kind of a desk/coffee table toy type thing, one board game and one night he gets candy. The other nights are a bit more random and can run through a wide array such a video game or giftcard for one, some type of electronics, a fun t-shirt (although in general my kid isn't into clothing), sometimes a book (he's not a big reader but if I see something specific that seems appealing). Sometimes a gift might be only $5 or sometimes there might be a "big" gift in there, but usually not.
When I was young and my family didn't have a lot of extra spending money, we'd get things like hair barrettes, new socks or underwear, a new toothbrush but it would be the fun character or special color one that she said we couldn't get so that made it a special treat. Other than a couple of things, a lot were usually items that my mom would have needed to buy for us anyway, but getting it wrapped up and having the fun of opening something each night as part of our Hanukkah celebration still made it a lot of fun. I think it's a little harder with a boy because hair ribbons and new socks just don't work for him, but I still think the concept is a good one, particularly if you need to watch the budget closely.
We don't "count" who gets what. Admittedly, we only have one child, so there's no competition between siblings we have to worry about.
My wife and I are upper middle class, so we have disposable income for a lot of gifts. However, I was raised an only child by my parents who grew up with lower/middle class beginnings, so I was never spoiled. For 363 days out of the year, my wife and I don't spoil our daughter. She has what she needs and occasionally if she's been good or some other reason, we'll get her something here and there, she's 5.
But for her birthday and Christmas, we go all out. She makes out like a bandit. Part of it is that we are trying to compensate... she gets nothing from my wife's side of the family as they are all poor and live in another country. From my side of the family, she has no grandparents anymore, and I know my mother would be spoiling her every chance she could, so we try to make up for her absence.
At the end of the day, Christmas is about the spirit of giving, the amount being given is not important, frankly. No one should go into debt for a holiday, but really, what a person spends or chooses to give shouldn't be the concern of anyone else.
Our Christmas tradition from day one with all of our children was three gifts: a gift from Mom (PJs), a gift from Dad (a book), and a gift from Santa (something from their wish list). That was it. To this day, their favorite gifts are the PJs and books. I personally think Christmas has become an absolutely obscene festival of materialism, and I'm glad that we set limits very early on. It has made holidays a lot easier over the years.
I love how you think.
Another C-D poster put my thoughts succinctly when it came to buying gifts for my kids:
"Something to wear,
Something to read,
Something they want,
and something they need."
Now as a grandmother, I buy each of my young grandkids one clothing outfit, one book, and one non-electronic toy. When they are older, though, I will probably just get them gift cards to Barnes and Noble and whatever clothing store they like -- and maybe a pair of socks, just for grins!
Whatever someone feels comfortable spending, without going into debt over it. That's going to be a different number for each family. Some years you're going to spend more, or less than other years. Spend what feels right to you.
In our family, this year, we spent around 150.00 per child, but they also get presents from their extended family too. It looks like a lot when the tree is puking presents, but the rest of the year, with the exception of their birthdays, if they want a toy, a game, etc they buy it with their allowance. So they're not getting whatever they want, whenever they want it.
My youngest wanted a Switch this year. I said "No, it's too expensive, if you want it you need to buy it yourself." She used her own money and bought it herself with money she had saved up from her allowance and birthday money. She knows how much things cost and if it's worth it to her to spend her own money to buy the things, same with my teenager.
So yes they get a little spoiled at Christmas, but in the end they are very money savvy and not spoiled brats. They are appreciate and thankful for what they are given.
Another C-D poster put my thoughts succinctly when it came to buying gifts for my kids:
"Something to wear,
Something to read,
Something they want,
and something they need."
Now as a grandmother, I buy each of my young grandkids one clothing outfit, one book, and one non-electronic toy. When they are older, though, I will probably just get them gift cards to Barnes and Noble and whatever clothing store they like -- and maybe a pair of socks, just for grins!
I've encountered the poem above, too, and I think it's also a sane way to approach gift-giving season. I will be honest and tell you that some years the Santa gift was pretty extravagant, but, for the most part, we stuck to the three gift rule. My daughter told me today that she really appreciated the way we approached Christmas while she and her siblings were growing up. She said it was just right, neither too much or too little, and that she remembers things like getting an Advent calendar from her grandparents after Thanksgiving dinner, picking out a tree and putting on her "special" ornaments, going to The Nutcracker, opening the much anticipated new PJs on Christmas Eve, putting together luminaries to light the driveway and front walk, and eating a Christmas morning breakfast of home-made cinnamon rolls much more than any of the Santa gifts she received through the years. It's the traditions much more than the stuff that matters.
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