Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You seem to love and respect your grandma, but she is actually the root of your problems. You're an adult, and are responsible for your own choices, but you grandmother has and is enabling your mother, and you. Your grandmother should kick your mother out.
or, like I said earlier, the house you live in could be sold and the money used to pay a caregiver for your g-ma. There are options, but they require you being self-sufficient.
It's true.
OP your new username should be excusequeen. You even said you can't switch houses with your grandma because your bed is too big. It's pathological.
You ARE all three entrenched in your thought processes and behaviors. You only want to do what you want to do, which makes sense because the other women in your life have apparently always done that as well. You're like pinballs bouncing off each other.
Just do what you want, because nothing is going to change until your grandmother passes away. Your mom is a basket case, and you SHOULD ignore her starting tomorrow.
You've been through a lot, and you also are contributing to your own misery. It's your way of maintaining some kind of control in all the chaos.
Oh and by the way when I did go to move out into my own place all those years ago I couldn’t get approved for an apartment right off the rip because of my credit.
Someone opened utitlies in my name when I was 18 and it wasn’t me.
I still can’t open utilities in my own name today without a $400 security deposit.
The electric and utilities aren’t even in my name but are paid auto draft from my personal bank account.
My credit was ruined before I even got a chance to move out on my own.
I was screwed from the start.
My mom Nancy Kerrigan’d me right before my big debut in life. She
And it has now been 11 years. In 11 years you have not done anything to improve your credit?
I have an 83 year old in my family and he is well able to get his own food. Just how needy is your grandma? Can she not walk to the refrigerator and grab a snack?
Both of my SO's grandmothers lived into their 90s. They each lived alone for almost the last 20 years of their lives. No one was going over their every 20 minutes to make sure they were eating. His one grandmother lived over an hour away from family. Even in her 90s she was able to fix herself a meal and did just fine on her own. I know everyone is different, so if OP's grandmother isn't able to eat without assistance, it seems like it is time for outside help if OP is not willing to move in with grandmother and be her full time caregiver. Its not right to let the poor woman slowly starve to death if she is not able to take care of her basic needs herself.
Yes, that is exactly what you do. If your grandmother won't cooperate with efforts to make your mother pull her own weight, then she gets to suffer along with everyone else. There's no way your grandmother is going to change as long as you continue to enable this behavior. This is a household of three leeches sitting around feeding on each other. It's not a pretty sight.
But, then, why am I wasting my breath? You are going to continue to whine and moan for another 10 years about your self-inflicted "problems" while everyone gives you advice you have no intention to pay attention to.
How can she when any attempt to confront my mom is met with screaming?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
Are you going to make a schedule? It's ridiculous for you to drive 15 minutes every time she calls. Pick a time, and show up at that time. Period.
I have an 83 year old in my family and he is well able to get his own food. Just how needy is your grandma? Can she not walk to the refrigerator and grab a snack?
She’s got back and knee issues. She uses a wheelchair to get around both in and outside her home. She can stand for short periods but she can’t fix herself meals and she can’t really carry her food from the kitchen and use the wheelchair at the same time. She needs assistance making meals, doing laundry, cleaning, etc. She needs a lot of help.
I have to do that because my mom refuses to help her.
If I don’t then she’ll just end up laying in bed unable to make food.
A lot of the time she asks for Panera because there aren’t any “healthy” options, my mom orders groceries, I’m assuming with her own money at this point and then crams it all in the fridge and it’s never things my grandmother eats.
They have these quinoa bowls at Panera and she loves them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
It's true.
OP your new username should be excusequeen. You even said you can't switch houses with your grandma because your bed is too big. It's pathological.
You ARE all three entrenched in your thought processes and behaviors. You only want to do what you want to do, which makes sense because the other women in your life have apparently always done that as well. You're like pinballs bouncing off each other.
Just do what you want, because nothing is going to change until your grandmother passes away. Your mom is a basket case, and you SHOULD ignore her starting tomorrow.
You've been through a lot, and you also are contributing to your own misery. It's your way of maintaining some kind of control in all the chaos.
It’s not an excuse if it doesn’t fit it doesn’t fit and literally every option involves me spending money.
If I can’t fit my bed, the only bed I own in the only bedroom open there (ones an office the same size) then I’d have to spend money on a new bed and then at that point we’d have to get a smaller bed and at that point we’d have to sleep separately because I can’t do that. He’s 6’1” 220 and if he rolls over on me I wake up in pain I can’t sleep smashed next to him post back surgery. It’s not an excuse. That would be a lot of money.
I couldn’t ask her to give up the master bedroom either. She even painted it. Made it hers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00
Both of my SO's grandmothers lived into their 90s. They each lived alone for almost the last 20 years of their lives. No one was going over their every 20 minutes to make sure they were eating. His one grandmother lived over an hour away from family. Even in her 90s she was able to fix herself a meal and did just fine on her own. I know everyone is different, so if OP's grandmother isn't able to eat without assistance, it seems like it is time for outside help if OP is not willing to move in with grandmother and be her full time caregiver. Its not right to let the poor woman slowly starve to death if she is not able to take care of her basic needs herself.
But she isn’t slowly starving to death.
She texts me and tells me my mom isn’t answering and then I go get food for her.
Or my mom texts me and has some excuse as to why she can’t do whatever it is needing to be done and I do it.
I’ve never seen anyone with such an ability to waste time by posting so many excuses.
Birdie bell is right. And also Uber drivers make peanuts even in popular areas. So you won’t be getting a mortgage unless it is at an outlandish interest rate even with your boyfriend’s income as well.
When will you learn that there is no easy button for life? Judging by your history over the last 11 years, I’d say never. You’re always going to be looking for the easy way out forever.
Last edited by StarryKnight1; 01-07-2019 at 06:08 AM..
So I go get a job...any job...and grandma texts and tells me she’s hungry or I go back to college and I’m in class and she texts me that my mother is asleep and she needs food?
What am I supposed to text back then?
“Sorry grandma fck off and starve? I’ll be out of work in 5 hours you’ll eat when you eat.”
If this is what's holding you back, you can arrange to go over at set times to care for her. Is your grandmother bedridden/immobile? If not, then you can go over in the morning, make her her breakfast and make a sandwich and sliced up fruit and put it in the fridge before you go to work. When she's hungry at lunchtime, she can get the sandwich. (Or whatever you put together for her.) Then you'll be back for dinner. Or if you work at night or in the afternoons, you can modify that however you need to.
If she is bedridden, then she really needs someone there all the time. If she needs to go to the bathroom, she shouldn't have to wait 20 minutes for you to get there if she happens to catch you when you are able to run right out the door or longer if you're not able to leave right away.
I’ve never seen anyone with such an ability to waste time by posting so many excuses.
Birdie bell is right. And also Uber drivers make peanuts even in popular areas. So you won’t be getting a mortgage unless it is at an outlandish interest rate even with your boyfriend’s income as well.
When will you learn that there is no easy button for life? Judging by your history over the last 11 years, I’d say never. You’re always going to be looking for the easy way out forever.
You call them excuses I call them very valid reasons.
It’s a one story 3 bedroom house and one of the two smaller bedrooms is an office of my grandmothers.
We can’t fit the 3 of us and my 4 pets in that house and my grandmother and us be happy.
Keep making comments all you want gas to why I wouldn’t do something stupid that doesn’t work for anyone.
The one bedroom we’d have to go in would not fit the both of us and it wouldn’t make any sense for us to get rid of the mattress we should have another 4 years to figure something out because that bedroom is a child’s size bedroom. It will not accommodate anything larger than one double bed. That would require us spending even more money vs saving it because then we’d have to figure out separate sleeping arrangements because the two of us won’t fit in one double bed at night.
Not to mention her open wrought iron fence she has, my large dog could easily bite another dog or a child through that fence. I’m not setting myself up for a lawsuit because some rando on the internet thinks I’m making excuses.
If it wouldn’t work why in the actual hell would I do it anyways?
That isn’t what is holding her back, Whimsy. What is holding her back is that she wants everything to go her way and everyone to change for her without any effort or change on her own part. She can’t have it both ways, though, and that’s why she will be stuck in this same drama pit forever.
You call them excuses I call them very valid reasons.
It’s a one story 3 bedroom house and one of the two smaller bedrooms is an office of my grandmothers.
We can’t fit the 3 of us and my 4 pets in that house and my grandmother and us be happy.
Keep making comments all you want gas to why I wouldn’t do something stupid that doesn’t work for anyone.
The one bedroom we’d have to go in would not fit the both of us and it wouldn’t make any sense for us to get rid of the mattress we should have another 4 years to figure something out because that bedroom is a child’s size bedroom. It will not accommodate anything larger than one double bed. That would require us spending even more money vs saving it because then we’d have to figure out separate sleeping arrangements because the two of us won’t fit in one double bed at night.
Not to mention her open wrought iron fence she has, my large dog could easily bite another dog or a child through that fence. I’m not setting myself up for a lawsuit because some rando on the internet thinks I’m making excuses.
If it wouldn’t work why in the actual hell would I do it anyways?
Look, I don’t care about your dogs, cats, and barnyard animals. It’s your own fault for taking those in!
Good luck getting a mortgage on $9 an hour if that You are more naive and clueless than my 18 year old cousin.
Next thread: How do I get out of being foreclosed on? I thought that if I threw out the foreclosure notice all would be okay!!
You can make quinoa bowls for grandma ahead of time and put them in the fridge, or buy them from Panera in advance and stock the fridge. If the excuse is that the fridge is too full, get grandma a mini fridge for her room.
If you’re not taking her to the grocery store as an errand, where are the two of you going for errands?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You are more naive and clueless than my 18 year old cousin.