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You seem like a great mom with really good intentions. You also seem to have raised a good family. Just remember young adults these days are pulled in far more directions than in the past because of divorce. It can be very very stressful. My good friend has hit 4 houses during Thanksgiving and Christmas. She is this close to opting out of everything because none of the parents/step parents will give an inch.
How often do you see her on nonholidays? If it is often (monthly, weekly, etc) I would give her a break next year. I bet she would be truly grateful!
Thank you all for the advice. I am still learning as a parent. I completely agree with having it on another day. That’s just fine with me.
Having it another day will inconvenience or at least affect everyone else who routinely attends your holiday celebrations. Don’t you have a spouse and other kids? What are they, chopped liver? They were there weren’t they? Just be grateful for who WAS there and don’t cater to this one kid. It makes your other kids feel less important to you.
You do sound like a great mom BTW and I don’t think you were being unreasonable.
Having it another day will inconvenience or at least affect everyone else who routinely attends your holiday celebrations. Don’t you have a spouse and other kids? What are they, chopped liver? They were there weren’t they? Just be grateful for who WAS there and don’t cater to this one kid. It makes your other kids feel less important to you.
You do sound like a great mom BTW and I don’t think you were being unreasonable.
Oh it certainly would inconvenience them to just change it all. I’m not going to stop what I currently do, just add another day to it. They’re not chopped liver. Lol!
I do understand that not everyone has families that are still together. His family has made theirs work for their family. I don’t want my daughter to feel pulled or less important to me either.
My husband is pushing back a little. He thinks it’s going to be a lot on me to add another day but it’s really not. I’m very good at planning. I prepare and freeze cookie dough, all types of food and side dishes. As I said, I love Christmas celebrations so I’m spinning this to be excited that it will be more than one day.
You seem like a great mom with really good intentions. You also seem to have raised a good family. Just remember young adults these days are pulled in far more directions than in the past because of divorce. It can be very very stressful. My good friend has hit 4 houses during Thanksgiving and Christmas. She is this close to opting out of everything because none of the parents/step parents will give an inch.
How often do you see her on nonholidays? If it is often (monthly, weekly, etc) I would give her a break next year. I bet she would be truly grateful!
I wouldn’t blame your friend one bit. Four houses in one day is crazy. Is she considering maybe splitting those into two days? Can she talk to all of them now?
Oh it certainly would inconvenience them to just change it all. I’m not going to stop what I currently do, just add another day to it. They’re not chopped liver. Lol!
I do understand that not everyone has families that are still together. His family has made theirs work for their family. I don’t want my daughter to feel pulled or less important to me either.
My husband is pushing back a little. He thinks it’s going to be a lot on me to add another day but it’s really not. I’m very good at planning. I prepare and freeze cookie dough, all types of food and side dishes. As I said, I love Christmas celebrations so I’m spinning this to be excited that it will be more than one day.
Perhaps your husband doesn't really want a second "Christmas" gathering. Some people just aren't into it. There are other threads about some people feeling depressed or stressed over the holidays and not being on the same page with spouses regarding the level of interest. Maybe the one day a year is enough for him. Have you asked him about that?
Perhaps your husband doesn't really want a second "Christmas" gathering. Some people just aren't into it. There are other threads about some people feeling depressed or stressed over the holidays and not being on the same page with spouses regarding the level of interest. Maybe the one day a year is enough for him. Have you asked him about that?
Absolutely. For every person who is really into the holidays, there is another person who is super low key. My family is super low key. My sister married into a family that is generally super into the holidays. While her husband is low key, her in laws are a little over the top. She finds herself overwhelmed spending holidays with them.
Perhaps your husband doesn't really want a second "Christmas" gathering. Some people just aren't into it. There are other threads about some people feeling depressed or stressed over the holidays and not being on the same page with spouses regarding the level of interest. Maybe the one day a year is enough for him. Have you asked him about that?
He could care less. He loves the house decorated and the good food. He loves that it all makes me happy. He doesn’t stress one bit over holidays.
Of course I discussed it with him first. He just doesn’t want it to be too much on me.
Did you ever see the jokes about the husband being just as excited as the rest of the family to see what they got because he has no clue? That’s my husband.
He’s so laid back. Not one concern about it bothering him. He would tell me if it did. I’m very lucky. As long as the bills are paid, I can do what I want. He can too. He’s been with my Christmas crazy butt for 27 years and just understands me.
Because he thinks it will be a lot on me. He wasn’t happy with the situation either. I came up with this idea and he was saying oh you’re going to have all that work for another day too now.
I really have the best husband. He’s so supportive. Also loves Christmas and lives that I love it even more. He just always looks out for me.
Anyone that knows me knows I’m a Christmas nut. I truly enjoy the decorating and all preparations that go into the big day.
I thoroughly enjoy my family being here and creating a large spread of food for them all to enjoy.
For the second Christmas, one of my daughters has a boyfriend. He’s nice. I like him and enjoy his company. Last year, they spent Christmas Eve at his grandmother’s home, came here, spent the night, did presents in the morning and raced out to spend the rest of the day with his mom (his parents are divorced).
This year, his mom and I have met and are on great terms. She told me that she is having Christmas dinner this year at 5:00 to give me more time with them knowing they ran out on me last year. I thought that was really nice.
The plan was to go to his grandmother’s on Christmas Eve (Dad’s side), come here, get up, do gifts, have dinner and then go to his mother’s. Not even two weeks prior, my daughter made a stink when I said I was buying a pumpkin pie instead of baking one. I did bake one and told her. She was happy.
Christmas Eve they didn’t get to my house until around 1:00am. No problem there. I understand completely and was glad they had a nice time. We all get up and do gifts in the morning. Immediately my daughter goes to get a shower, get ready and they’re out the door by noon.
I was hurt. I still am. Her response is “you have to accept that I’m grown up”. I honestly get that. What hurts is feeling like I’m an appointment on Christmas that just needs to be gotten out of the way. That she doesn’t care that she led me to believe that they would be here for dinner.
We haven’t spoken since.
The day after Christmas, my mother in law needed a serious surgery and we had to travel several states away to be there. I texted her and said we need to talk but not right now.
I texted when I got back and said ok, let me know when you have time to talk. Her response was she’s not ready to talk to me yet.
Am I being unreasonable to want to have some holiday time with her and not have her just get it over with to run to his family?
I’m hurt and now confused.
Too many expectations and too many disappointments. Too bad. That's why I keep it very very very simple at this point and never made a HUGE deal of it all anyway. So much commotion going here and there etc. yikes.
Who sits down and relaxes???? I can only imagine what it will be like with a bunch of grandkids...don't think they were mentioned but I didn't read everything.
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