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Although I had a great interest in playing guitar as a child, I can only wish my parents could have afforded to have forced me to take guitar lessons. Not only were lessons beyond the financial reach of my parents but the cost of a decent guitar in the early 1960s was also out of the question.
However, having had a lifelong interest in playing guitar and "diddling" around with one for the past sixty years has gotten me two things of which I am very proud, i.e., two grand children who now have great interests in learning to play the right way. Both of my grandkids are now taking guitar lessons and one is getting pretty good at it. The oldest grandchild is now trying to teach me how to read music.
My own music playing skills are pretty rudimentary and I probably incorporate every wrong thing there is to know about playing a guitar. Yet playing by ear I still enjoy playing and on some winter evenings a good sounding guitar and a warm wood stove are two things that can warm my heart and my body, respectively.
So, to answer your question about how hard to push a child to learn music; I suppose you should push only as hard as you're willing to push yourself.
One thing you could do, as I am sure you must have a piano in your home, is to let her treat playing as just an enjoyable pastime, without the pressure of lessons. Keep the piano. Leave music - books and sheet, particularly of songs she likes - available. It's funny, but after I quit my lessons, I did still sometimes play, but I usually only did it when my parents were out of the house. If she has the basics, she may continue to learn on her own, or at the least, retain what she has learned, if she really wants to, and then discover she wants to take lessons again later.
If your primary goal is simply to keep her interested in music, let me ask: has she shown interest in any other instruments? In singing?
This is how my parents approached it. My dad was a gifted pianist and really hoped one of his children would pursue it. I remember practicing lessons and hearing his "helpful" comments emanating from his office near the room where the piano was located. He told me many years later it was a struggle to keep the whole thing voluntary because it was so important to him, but he and my mother realized that what they truly hoped was to instill a love or appreciation for music, not that any of us become performance artists. Being talented or hoping for a prodigy wasn't part of it. So, they reached a compromise with themselves and let their kids take their own direction after initial exposure. Lessons were "given" for a limited time of one to two years. It was left up to us whether to continue or not.
There was usually music playing at home via radio, TV, and LPs. Parents attended many concerts and took us along if the program was suitable for our ages. The piano and music was available at home. Whether we chose to play it or not was up to us after lessons. If we wanted to continue lessons beyond that first couple of years we had to help pay for them.
One sister never had any interest. She fought it constantly, never enjoyed it, and hardly listens to any music now. Obviously lessons were a complete waste. I didn't pursue it formally not because I didn't like music but because I didn't like performing. I loved sight reading anything new, played casually and still do. Eventually taught myself classical guitar (you can transpose piano scores to guitar, but a guitar is a lot more portable than a piano!). Youngest sister ended up learning the flute in school. She has played professionally ever since.
Step back. Its understandable to want to expose your kids to music. The vehicle by which it happens can be up to them to choose.
Last edited by Parnassia; 01-19-2019 at 08:44 PM..
A lot of kids take piano initially to learn how to read music, develop manual dexterity. Then they switch to a band or orchestra instrument so that they can play in the school band or orchestra. For your daughter, it's time for that. Time to stop piano. Is there a decent orchestra or band in your school district, or is there a decent middle school/high school level band or orchestra that she can play with? It's a little late to start a string instrument, but not too late, so if she wants to play one, fine. It's definitely not too late for a band instrument - sax, trumpet, flute, horn, oboe, whatever. Most kids find that it's a lot of fun to play in the group setting, and so they are motivated to continue practicing and playing the group instrument.
If she absolutely does NOT want to play any instrument, and instead wants to dance, ride horses, do gymnastics, sports, whatever, LET HER! It's not a waste that she did three years of piano. Someday, when she has children of her own, she will be able to support them in beginning musical training, if she wants to do that for them.
She is terribly sad now because she has a comparison...her sports and time off from music. How did she do in sports? Does she want to continue in sports? Go for it. One learns great discipline, persistence, fairplay, working long and hard and so on in sports too.
Although I had a great interest in playing guitar as a child, I can only wish my parents could have afforded to have forced me to take guitar lessons. Not only were lessons beyond the financial reach of my parents but the cost of a decent guitar in the early 1960s was also out of the question.
However, having had a lifelong interest in playing guitar and "diddling" around with one for the past sixty years has gotten me two things of which I am very proud, i.e., two grand children who now have great interests in learning to play the right way. Both of my grandkids are now taking guitar lessons and one is getting pretty good at it. The oldest grandchild is now trying to teach me how to read music.
My own music playing skills are pretty rudimentary and I probably incorporate every wrong thing there is to know about playing a guitar. Yet playing by ear I still enjoy playing and on some winter evenings a good sounding guitar and a warm wood stove are two things that can warm my heart and my body, respectively.
So, to answer your question about how hard to push a child to learn music; I suppose you should push only as hard as you're willing to push yourself.
Lessons are not really that helpful. Most people learn an instrument by just playing it for hours and hours. It is not considered practice, but effectively it is. I took piano for a year as a child but never practiced at all because I didn't have the interest at the time. I know people who learned piano the proper way as children, but then never really stuck with it as adults because they didn't have the interest.
OP, let her stop piano. She should be encouraged to explore other things and find out what she really loves. I studied piano throughout my youth and minored in music in college, but I LOVED it and still do. Maybe YOU should take piano lessons since you are interested in piano, and let her discover and pursue what SHE loves.
Our 10 year old daughter has been taking piano lessons since 2nd grade (currently in 5th grade). Her former teacher who she had connected with moved over the summer and we let her take a semester off to focus on sports. We've found a new teacher but she's giving us a lot of pushback about restarting piano.
We had the first lesson with the new teacher yesterday and she cried all the way home. She said the teacher was fine, she just didn't want to take piano any more and begged us not to make her continue. We've gone through phases before where she gets discouraged and whines about it, but this was different. For whatever reason, she genuinely seems to hate piano now and wants to be done with it.
She's a very bright kid, extremely well behaved and hardly ever gives us any trouble. She's one of those kids who does well in school without really trying, so we constantly look for ways to challenge her. She has some talent for piano and had just gotten to the point with her old teacher where the drudgery aspects were starting to come together in the form of her playing real songs by memory. I hate to see her throw that all away now.
Anyway, how hard do you push in a situation like this? Do we just say "sorry, you need to stick with this" or do we back off and hope she'll come back to it some day on her own time (which I doubt will happen)? I'm very concerned that if we force this on her she's going to develop some resentments that will manifest themselves elsewhere.
Thoughts?
I usually have my daughter take a step back and look at the bigger picture. What are your long term goals? Short term goals? What do you need right now.
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comments emanating from his office near the room where the piano was located. He told me many years later it was a struggle to keep the whole thing voluntary because it was so important to him, but he and my mother realized that what they truly hoped was to instill a love or appreciation for music, not that any of us become performance artists. Being talented or hoping for a prodigy wasn't part of it. So, they reached a compromise with themselves and let their kids take their own direction after initial exposure. Lessons were "given" for a limited time of one to two years. It was left up to us whether to continue or not. 
