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Your kid got 8 stars out of a possible 20+. That means he was misbehaving/not meeting expectations more than half the time for an entire week. It seems that's being lost here in the discussion about the rewards system, but it's ultimately the more important issue. If every other kid in the class got more than 8 stars, the system is obviously not too complicated for four year olds to understand and adhere to.
I agree on the mental health issues. I call complete BS on the bullying aspect. There is nowhere near the bullying now as there was in the 80's and before. Hell they used to stuff kids in lockers, lock them in there and leave them for a teacher or the principal to find and let out when I was in school. Even the principal would laugh sometimes. Those kids didn't bring guns to school and shoot everybody. They just hated coming to school, grew up, worked hard in college, got good jobs and came back to the class reunions and rubbed it in the bullies faces how wealthy and well off they were while the bullies were working dead end labor jobs.
I don't need help. I am more normal than any psychologist I have ever met. My kids aren't all screwed up either. lol
I was being a little sarcastic in my previous post and went a little far but I do stand by some of my comments. Sure some kids have mental issues that commit these things. They are often documented. As an adult I can spot them at school functions pretty easily. They are typically the ones wearing all black, have their finger nails painted black, and have nose rings or other weird piercings and often have weird colors in their hair (purple streaks in hair seems to be a favorite). It is one of their trademarks. Before you go all psychologist crazy on me, I am not saying they all look and dress like that or that all that dress and look like that are going to commit mass shootings so don't make that leap and start yammering on.
With all of that said, if you guys think that poor parenting and the way our society has become so bad about patting everyone on the back and giving out participation trophies and such isn't setting them up for a culture shock in late teens and early adulthood, you really need to step back and look at the big picture. There is something wrong in our society that is leading to all of these shootings and you can't blame it on being bullied in junior high or high school since that was far worse decades ago.
So what have you got there that will fix all of this "trained clinical psychologist?"
Back in the 80s, parents locked up their weapons, if they even kept them in the home at all. The NRA weren’t paying politicians to scare everyone into stockpiling them ‘in case they get taken away’ so that the manufacturers who fund it all could get nice and rich.
Back in the 80s, parents locked up their weapons, if they even kept them in the home at all. The NRA weren’t paying politicians to scare everyone into stockpiling them ‘in case they get taken away’ so that the manufacturers who fund it all could get nice and rich.
Actually, back in the 50s, 60s, 70s and even into the 80s, school age kids had more access to guns. In many places, kids would drive to school with a rifle in the rack of the car - so they could go hunting after school.
A 2015 study by the University of Chicago would also seem to contradict your premise:
According to that study, in 1980, 47.3% of U.S. households had guns. That number has trended down through 2014 (last date in the study) where only 31% of households owned guns. A pretty significant decrease. Other studies may show different numbers, but all reflect the same downward trend.
The facts do not support your claim. I could go off and cite several logical possibilities for why some disaffected and overmedicated kids decide to shoot up a "gun-free zone," but I have already drifted far enough off-topic.
Since I'm responding in this thread anyway...
School is about conformity. Those who conform the best, do "well" at school. They get the stars, stickers, positive attention from the teachers, etc. It's always been that way.
Many of us, for different reasons, don't really like to conform. Some of the reasons are not good (genuine behavioral issues), some not bad (more mature, higher intelligence, creative type, etc.).
I recall an incident in first grade. In "art" we had to color a drawing of a fruit bowl. Most of the class colored the apples red, bananas yellow, etc. I colored by apples yellow (I liked granny smith's) and the bananas green (we always purchased not-yet-ripe bananas for the house - still do). All the other kids received positive recognition. My drawing was sent to the school psychologist for review. A meeting was called with my parents and that drawing was placed in my "file" throughout elementary school.
My parent's supported me, as they knew I was right. However, there was no major fuss made and there was no reason for tears to be shed. It was an important lesson.
The lesson is that you can still retain your individuality. You can still be "right." However, there are many times in life where you have to play along to get along. There are times when those with the "power" can (for sometimes arbitrary reasons) can mess with you. You learn to shrug off the little things and move on.
I wasn't forced to change my choice of colors. I was taught that the opinion or approval of someone else isn't always important (or even valid). I was also taught that sometimes you do have to play along. It's all about deciding if the "prize" is worth it.
Can you expect a four-year old who doesn't nap to stay still and quiet for two hours? I don't know. Been a while since I had kids that age. If that's the rule that 90% of the class is following, rewarding the other 10% only teaches everyone that the rules don't matter.
If the standard is truly unreasonable, I see no problem advocating change. If it is reasonable for the majority of others in the class, why not teach your child that there is nothing wrong with being unable to nap and the sticker associated with that behavior is nothing to be concerned about.
In the real world, there are things we can change and things we cannot. I belive it is never too early to learn that lesson.
Now I feel we have another issue that has come upon us in my sons class with this rewards system the teachers have implemented. After speaking with the director and teachers, they decided did change a few things with what they were doing. One was they sent out a memo to the parents explaining the rewards program and also decided to give the prizes away during the time the parents pick up the child instead of in front of the entire class. I now learned yesterday that the children who receive a low number of stars (I don't even know what the scales are, it so confusing) get put in time out at the end of each day between 4-4:15pm while the other children get up to play. So if a child got one star for that day then he gets 4 minutes of time out at the end of the day. I don't agree with this, and once again feel that this is an ineffective way for discipline and child development for 4 year olds. I believe behaviors should be rewarded or corrected immediately not several hours later. Also, they did not explain the time out part to the parents in the original memo that was sent out. Thoughts??
Now I feel we have another issue that has come upon us in my sons class with this rewards system the teachers have implemented. After speaking with the director and teachers, they decided did change a few things with what they were doing. One was they sent out a memo to the parents explaining the rewards program and also decided to give the prizes away during the time the parents pick up the child instead of in front of the entire class. I now learned yesterday that the children who receive a low number of stars (I don't even know what the scales are, it so confusing) get put in time out at the end of each day between 4-4:15pm while the other children get up to play. So if a child got one star for that day then he gets 4 minutes of time out at the end of the day. I don't agree with this, and once again feel that this is an ineffective way for discipline and child development for 4 year olds. I believe behaviors should be rewarded or corrected immediately not several hours later. Also, they did not explain the time out part to the parents in the original memo that was sent out. Thoughts??
Did you ask the teachers why they do this? It sounds like they have behavior problems in the classroom and they are trying to come up with ways to correct it. I didn't say good ways....I would talk to your child's teacher. This is what you'll have to do when he starts elementary school so starting with the teacher is always good. Don't like what you hear then go above their heads.
It sounds like the biggest problem is a communication issue. Was none of this explained to you up front, or it was explained and you didn't give it much weight or perhaps didn't thoroughly understand what was meant?
Quote:
Originally Posted by rere900
Now the past couple of weeks, they would vaguely mention to me about him gaining stars, but I never asked about specific details.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rere900
One was they sent out a memo to the parents explaining the rewards program and also decided to give the prizes away during the time the parents pick up the child instead of in front of the entire class. I now learned yesterday that the children who receive a low number of stars (I don't even know what the scales are, it so confusing) get put in time out at the end of each day
I would suggest getting clarification on anything that doesn't sound a hundred percent sensible to you, or move to a classroom or school where they don't use such programs.
Now I feel we have another issue that has come upon us in my sons class with this rewards system the teachers have implemented. After speaking with the director and teachers, they decided did change a few things with what they were doing. One was they sent out a memo to the parents explaining the rewards program and also decided to give the prizes away during the time the parents pick up the child instead of in front of the entire class. I now learned yesterday that the children who receive a low number of stars (I don't even know what the scales are, it so confusing) get put in time out at the end of each day between 4-4:15pm while the other children get up to play. So if a child got one star for that day then he gets 4 minutes of time out at the end of the day. I don't agree with this, and once again feel that this is an ineffective way for discipline and child development for 4 year olds. I believe behaviors should be rewarded or corrected immediately not several hours later. Also, they did not explain the time out part to the parents in the original memo that was sent out. Thoughts??
I think this is an awful idea. I would be pulling my child out of this school and putting him in a different one.
There are many better reward systems. See pinterest for ideas.
It sounds like the biggest problem is a communication issue. Was none of this explained to you up front, or it was explained and you didn't give it much weight or perhaps didn't thoroughly understand what was meant?
I would suggest getting clarification on anything that doesn't sound a hundred percent sensible to you, or move to a classroom or school where they don't use such programs.
No, none of this was explained to me. I have had to ask for clarification several times about what they are doing. They finally sent a memo to all the parents about the rewards system, but then they ended up changing things and adding this daily time-out thing. Next week I have a one-on-one with the director. It's so frustrating.
Now I feel we have another issue that has come upon us in my sons class with this rewards system the teachers have implemented. After speaking with the director and teachers, they decided did change a few things with what they were doing. One was they sent out a memo to the parents explaining the rewards program and also decided to give the prizes away during the time the parents pick up the child instead of in front of the entire class. I now learned yesterday that the children who receive a low number of stars (I don't even know what the scales are, it so confusing) get put in time out at the end of each day between 4-4:15pm while the other children get up to play. So if a child got one star for that day then he gets 4 minutes of time out at the end of the day. I don't agree with this, and once again feel that this is an ineffective way for discipline and child development for 4 year olds. I believe behaviors should be rewarded or corrected immediately not several hours later. Also, they did not explain the time out part to the parents in the original memo that was sent out. Thoughts??
I think the same thing I thought about the first reward system. In order for kids that age to understand consequences, they need to be immediate. They will not comprehend a time out at the end of the day for something that happened 8 hours ago.
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