Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The behavior may have stopped...out of fear. The kid is afraid of being hit so he stopped...but what happens when he is 19 or 22 & is no longer afraid of his parent? There can still be the angry kid inside that learned bullying from home...from somewhere...& was never really taught or disciplined in a way to respect people. Spanking teaches a kid to be fearful...not a healthy emotion. Better to teach healthy emotions...& model behavior in the home that does not tolerate bullying. Discipline is so important..but spanking, nooo. I know yrs ago it was common..but that does not make it right.
Than a SMART person, before opening their trap to tease or taunt, thinks good and hard about the fact that if they bully another adult, that they have no idea who they are messing around with and what kind of blow-back might end up coming their way.
A little fear is not always a bad thing. Neither is pausing before you speak or act to think about the consequences of your actions.
And please, my father may be 79, but even now I show him the respect he deserves, even though I've been out of my parents' house for years. We did NOT want Mom telling him about our misbehavior when he got home from work! That was all she had to say to get us to shape up.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,571,902 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by ContraPagan
Than a SMART person, before opening their trap to tease or taunt, thinks good and hard about the fact that if they bully another adult, that they have no idea who they are messing around with and what kind of blow-back might end up coming their way.
A little fear is not always a bad thing. Neither is pausing before you speak or act to think about the consequences of your actions.
And please, my father may be 79, but even now I show him the respect he deserves, even though I've been out of my parents' house for years. We did NOT want Mom telling him about our misbehavior when he got home from work! That was all she had to say to get us to shape up.
Learning respect is very important, but it's not learned from smacking a kid. It comes from the environment of the home. It's not blowback..it should be discipline.
Than a SMART person, before opening their trap to tease or taunt, thinks good and hard about the fact that if they bully another adult, that they have no idea who they are messing around with and what kind of blow-back might end up coming their way.
A little fear is not always a bad thing. Neither is pausing before you speak or act to think about the consequences of your actions.
And please, my father may be 79, but even now I show him the respect he deserves, even though I've been out of my parents' house for years. We did NOT want Mom telling him about our misbehavior when he got home from work! That was all she had to say to get us to shape up.
Agreed lol. In fact, I think the most effective spanking my (also 79 year old) dad ever gave me was the one I got at age 19 when I came home from college, after racking up charges on the credit card he gave me for textbooks and groceries. I was 19, it didn't hurt, but boy was it humiliating to realize how badly I'd screwed up. To this day I have never ever put a charge on a credit card that I couldn't pay for with money already in the bank. I have enjoyed many pleasant things in life, like the ability to buy a nice house for my family, due to the fact that my dad was not afraid to discipline me when it was warranted.
Spanking teaches bullying. It teaches the bigger guy wins. It doesn't teach anything of value....but sex? No. Kids don't like to be spanked cause it hurts & it's inappropriate to even put those 2 together.
That’s why this case is so weird and inappropriate. It would be one thing if the boy was 5-6 years old and spanked by the step mother. The mother would have a right to be angry as no one should be putting his or her hands on her child but it isn’t extreme or extraordinary. A 13 year old boy who may or not be able to father children being spanked by any woman does have a sexual connotation. I don’t know what’s worse, a genetic mother spanking her 13 year old son or a step mother spanking a coming of age boy who in theory she could sleep with in a few years and it wouldn’t be abnormal (not a blood relative). It’s just weird and sick for a woman to be spanking a 13 year old inaddition to a supposed adult figure resorting to violence and physical punishment to punish a 13 year old for a non violent or physical act, just words. Even if the 13 year old boy did hit someone at school, a parent or step parent hitting the son only magnifies the issue and makes the boy a victim of violence as well.
If it were a step father spanking a 13 year old girl you’d all be screaming sexual abuse or thinking about something on pornhub. This does not sit well.
So many people here think it’s ok to use fear and violence to correct certain behaviors (that still amount to nothing more than words, constitutionally protected speech) instead of having a conversation on an intellectual level with a kid about right and wrong and why it’s not helpful or good to do certain things. Explain it, don’t hit.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,571,902 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by john620
That’s why this case is so weird and inappropriate. It would be one thing if the boy was 5-6 years old and spanked by the step mother. The mother would have a right to be angry as no one should be putting his or her hands on her child but it isn’t extreme or extraordinary. A 13 year old boy who may or not be able to father children being spanked by any woman does have a sexual connotation. I don’t know what’s worse, a genetic mother spanking her 13 year old son or a step mother spanking a coming of age boy who in theory she could sleep with in a few years and it wouldn’t be abnormal (not a blood relative). It’s just weird and sick for a woman to be spanking a 13 year old inaddition to a supposed adult figure resorting to violence and physical punishment to punish a 13 year old for a non violent or physical act, just words. Even if the 13 year old boy did hit someone at school, a parent or step parent hitting the son only magnifies the issue and makes the boy a victim of violence as well.
If it were a step father spanking a 13 year old girl you’d all be screaming sexual abuse or thinking about something on pornhub. This does not sit well.
I never thought of this connection.... E V E R & it weirds me out. I think spanking a child is wrong anyway....but gah, this is another thread...Lol.
Learning respect is very important, but it's not learned from smacking a kid. It comes from the environment of the home. It's not blowback..it should be discipline.
Yes, learning respect comes from the environment of the home. However, studies have shown that it's not necessary the *method* of discipline used (spanking vs non-spanking) that is important, but it's the consistency of the discipline and the parenting style (environment) that accompanies it.
In other words, if you spank respectfully and with a lot of dialog as to why you spanked and what they did wrong and what they need to do better, and you are consistently like this, then it has the same effect as if you give time outs respectfully and with a lot of dialog as to why you gave time out and what they did wrong and what they need to do better. The actual punishment used is not very relevant to outcomes, as long as the punishment is reasonable and respectful.
And yes, a spanking can be respectful. I remember very clearly my dad spanking me with a belt, but making sure to do it right on the bottom where there was a lot of padding so I wouldn't actually get hurt (never on the face or anything like that). He would send me to my room first to cool down before the spanking (and he would cool down as well). It would come with lots of talk about why I was in trouble and why what I did was wrong, and examples, etc. I didn't fear *him*, I feared his *disapproval*, which was very effectively communicated with that belt.
That said, out of my 5 kids and step kids, I've only ever swatted the behinds of 2 of them, as toddlers, for running out into the street. I have not (and hopefully will not have to) actually spanked any of my children. But they aren't teenagers quite yet, so I won't rule it out.
A step parent is not a parent. They have no legal rights to parent or discipline a child.
My ex’s new wife has a teenager in military school because his behavior is so horrific, he has been kicked out of every public school in their area. She failed at parenting already and I will be darned if she will involve herself in my child. I am his mother 100% of the time.
There is what's legal and then there is what's best for the family.
It's not in the best interest of the child to go with the idea that this person who is now a part of his/her life and a part of their fathers or mothers life has no say in how that new family unit operates. Your type of thinking is what creates so many dysfunctional blended families. Far better for the kids to accept the step parent as an actual parent with the love, the concern, the discipline, and the problems that come with having a new family member. My kids had four parent who loved them, that's not a bad thing.
I think the poster who said this is a territorial issue was spot on. It shows more concern with their own negative feelings as the natural parent than with the well being of the child.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,571,902 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by pkbab5
Yes, learning respect comes from the environment of the home. However, studies have shown that it's not necessary the *method* of discipline used (spanking vs non-spanking) that is important, but it's the consistency of the discipline and the parenting style (environment) that accompanies it.
In other words, if you spank respectfully and with a lot of dialog as to why you spanked and what they did wrong and what they need to do better, and you are consistently like this, then it has the same effect as if you give time outs respectfully and with a lot of dialog as to why you gave time out and what they did wrong and what they need to do better. The actual punishment used is not very relevant to outcomes, as long as the punishment is reasonable and respectful.
And yes, a spanking can be respectful. I remember very clearly my dad spanking me with a belt, but making sure to do it right on the bottom where there was a lot of padding so I wouldn't actually get hurt (never on the face or anything like that). He would send me to my room first to cool down before the spanking (and he would cool down as well). It would come with lots of talk about why I was in trouble and why what I did was wrong, and examples, etc. I didn't fear *him*, I feared his *disapproval*, which was very effectively communicated with that belt.
That said, out of my 5 kids and step kids, I've only ever swatted the behinds of 2 of them, as toddlers, for running out into the street. I have not (and hopefully will not have to) actually spanked any of my children. But they aren't teenagers quite yet, so I won't rule it out.
I can maybe get behind this.......except the belt part. An object can cause injury. I have to change my mind & say I still don't agree but a parent that spanks combined with a verbal lesson is much better than a spanking alone.
There is what's legal and then there is what's best for the family.
It's not in the best interest of the child to go with the idea that this person who is now a part of his/her life and a part of their fathers or mothers life has no say in how that new family unit operates. Your type of thinking is what creates so many dysfunctional blended families. Far better for the kids to accept the step parent as an actual parent with the love, the concern, the discipline, and the problems that come with having a new family member. My kids had four parent who loved them, that's not a bad thing.
I think the poster who said this is a territorial issue was spot on. It shows more concern with their own negative feelings as the natural parent than with the well being of the child.
Agreed. As both a step mom and a bio mom, I have seen that the kids are so much healthier mentally when all of their parents, bio and step alike, are all on the same page parenting as a unit, and all supporting each other's authority to the children. What messes kids up is not the number of parents they have, it's the dysfunction between the parents. Four parents working together in harmony is better for the kids than two parents contradicting and undermining each other.
Also, OP is in Texas, where it is specifically legal for a step parent to spank their step children.
My 13 year old son lives with his dad who has primary custody and I get him every other weekend. His dad has remarried and has been with his wife for 5 years. I found out my son has been bullying a special needs kid at school with a speech impediment. He got in school suspension for 3 days and when he came home from school, his stepmother spanked him. It was with her hand and there's no bruising but he told me it hurt a lot and I'm ****ing pissed. She also made him write an apology letter to the student and grounded him for 2 weeks with no electronics. His father works long hours so his stepmom feels entitled because she's a stay at home wife and she's with him more but it's not okay.
I'm very upset at what my son did and he absolutely deserved to be punished but this woman had no right to touch my kid. His father supports what she did and gave her permission and I'm ready to raise hell. I need her to learn her place as a stepparent NOT a parent.
Being a stepparent is even harder than being a child's biological parent at times.
She had every right. She's the parental figure in your child's life now and she and your ex husband talked about it and were on the same page. Given the fact that a court didn't grant YOU primary custody, I'm wondering why that is, since 99% of the time, a judge would rule in favor of a child's biological mother. The other 1% generally have no business having children in the first place in my experience.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
