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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 4 days ago)
35,612 posts, read 17,940,183 times
Reputation: 50639
I have looked the other way with that kind of behavior.
It was painful, but I had chosen to look away, and still emotionally and financially supported my kids when I knew they were going a little off the rails.
I didn't know what to do, and I didn't want to lose them to depression, suicide, running away, whatever.
All's well that ends well. All 3 of my adults sons are doing great. I don't believe in tough love, don't believe in kicking sweet natured kids who are kind of off the rails out of my home. I'm SO VERY GLAD I was right.
I don't think I would have tolerated violent behavior, open disrespect, and threatening behavior. We never had any of that. Drinking, marijuana use, truancy. All graduated high school, all went to college and graduated, all are doing well.
I'm glad I looked the other way with recreational marijuana, teenage drinking parties, and school truancy.
No, I didn't let them. They may have snuck something by, but it was not permitted and they knew that and the consequences if they were caught. When they became legal adults, if they wanted to partake of adult beverages, there were then adults and could do so.
I have looked the other way with that kind of behavior.
It was painful, but I had chosen to look away, and still emotionally and financially supported my kids when I knew they were going a little off the rails.
I didn't know what to do, and I didn't want to lose them to depression, suicide, running away, whatever.
All's well that ends well. All 3 of my adults sons are doing great. I don't believe in tough love, don't believe in kicking sweet natured kids who are kind of off the rails out of my home. I'm SO VERY GLAD I was right.
I don't think I would have tolerated violent behavior, open disrespect, and threatening behavior. We never had any of that. Drinking, marijuana use, truancy. All graduated high school, all went to college and graduated, all are doing well.
I'm glad I looked the other way with recreational marijuana, teenage drinking parties, and school truancy.
Exhale.
There's a lot of room between looking the other way and tossing them out of the house. Fortunately, we never had to deal with anything other than some minimal alcohol use during the high school years. All three of ours played sports, and cutting school would have seen them benched. I'm quite sure they all tried pot while in college, and the youngest may still indulge (according to his brother), but he's a PhD candidate and capable of making his own decisions.
There were consequences for underage drinking beyond the hangovers. Nothing draconian, they were grounded, as they were for breaking other household rules.
My Grandson is hitting his Teen Years and One day I overheard him chatting away.
I said to him.....Well Lets see: A: No Adult in our state is allowed to smoke anything in their car with kids in it. No Adult is allowed to Drink (alcohol and drive). So given that ....do you really think I'm going to idly stand by while you ( who the law protects) suddenly partakes in that which is denied others for good reason.
Its thankfully illegal in my state, but soon to be changed so that ten years from now after more fatalities happen and more idiotic kids are driving stoned...will the state go..Oops! Guess that wasn't so good for humanity....but dang Look at our Revenue !!! WOohoo!!
No. I had serious discussions with my kids about how marijuana definitely has adverse effects on the developing brain. I made it very clear to them that if we ever found out that they were getting high, there would be very serious consequences and interventions on our part - essentially, they would be constantly supervised and random drug tested if they wanted us to continue to support them financially through their educations. That if they wanted to do this, they could do it when they were entirely self-supporting and independent. We also kept a close eye on them, on who their friends were, where and with whom they hung out, on how they were doing in school and extra curricular activities. One tried it once he was completely independent of us, said he didn't like how it left him with a clouded brain the next day or so, didn't continue with it. One would never use drugs - is very, very opposed to it because kid already has a neurological condition, avoids all mind-altering substances. Third is in high school, has seen friends getting into drug use, and has been kind of disgusted. After all, it's not much fun being around people who are stoned unless you're stoned, too, so when you see your friend's altered behavior stoned, and you're not, it's rather off-putting.
On the other hand, we never worried about a little bit of alcohol. Allowed ceremonial wine, a sip of beer here and there, never made a big deal about it. One drinks moderately occasionally with friends, never gets behind the wheel. One is essentially a teetotaler. High schooler is in the stage of occasional sip here and there at home with us, got a little tipsy at the Seder one year, pretty young, didn't like the feeling, and as far as I know has not gotten drunk with friends. Alcohol is not a big deal for us. We don't make a mystique around it, we don't make it forbidden. For this reason, I think it's less attractive to them to abuse it.
I talked with the kids about tobacco use, how it had seriously harmed their grandfather, how the tobacco companies deliberately set out to addict young people. Pointed out how pathetic young smokers looked, how stupid they were to become addicts. When juling came into vogue, my kids taught ME about it, told me it was becoming rampant in the high schools, told me that we adults were missing the boat on how this was addicting a new generation to tobacco without the adults (other than the tobacco companies) knowing about it.
What I don't get is why schools don't put smoke detectors in their bathrooms. When I was in junior high school and high school, I regularly had to put up with nasty smoke (sometimes tobacco, sometimes weed). I mean, at the very least if you are going to smoke, at least have the human decency not to do it indoors whether other people will have to put up with it.
In states where it is still illegal for recreational use, do young people still actually buy from street dealers plastic bags filled with the actual natural stuff and roll it in papers to smoke it, or through these artisan or homemade water pipes?
How do they actually procure it and prepare it for consumption? What about in Alaska, California, Colorado, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, Nevada, Oregon, Vermont and Washington where it seems to be legal for recreational use?
Sorry, been off the pot circuit for decades now, I don't know what's going on. I had the impression, perhaps mistaken, that it comes nowadays in synthetic form and they smoke it through these vaporizers or whatever. Last year we received a circular from our school about 'juuling'.
On a lesser of two evils argument, I would prefer that it be legal country-wide for recreational use, regulated and taxed.
Either way, I would certainly discourage it, call it for what it is - in a word, stupid, like a lot of other time-wasting activities or worse - and in my house never a cigarette and not a drop of alcohol, so trying to set an example.
Still no guarantee of good outcomes, but I try.
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