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Gen X were neglected as kids and became overprotective parents as a result.
I hate this error. Gen x parents are not the original helicopter parents. The younger boomers born in the late 1950s and early 60s were.
I am gen x. Most of my friends are gen x. Trust me, most of use hate the established “school” norms set by the boomer helicopter parents. We hate being obligated to “send snacks” for a 45 minute soccer game for 5 year olds. We hate the daily emails from school. We hate that we are asked to attend every school event known to mankind.
But here we are - wedged in between boomer helicopter parents and millennial lawnmower parents. How do I know all of this? I spent my entire teacher career teaching millennials and then later became a mom with older millennials. Trust me, I was in multiple playgroups (because we moved a lot for DH jobs). There is a stark difference in how the mom groups that were mostly gen x vs millennials operated. Gen x moms just let the kids play while we talked and the millennial moms were following their kids around “monitoring” play.
Based on our upbringing, we, gen x, generally appreciate our childhood freedom and at the same time see how messed up it us for our (silent gen and older boomer) parents to neglect us.
I know it is a generalization but we tend to be the most balanced. We want to be present in our kids lives (unlike our parents) and at the same time give them age appropriate freedom. “When you need us, we will be here” type.
If I sense that a child's parents are "helicopter" I won't allow my child to play with those kids. I want my children to learn how to be independent and don't want them playing with kids who are molly coddled. The problem with some of these parents is, if their kid is playing at my home they'll send 30 text messages during those few hours and I don't have time to reply to all that. They do this even with older kids, which is bizarre. Whenever my mom sent me to play at someone else's house, she didn't call 30 times while I was over there. These parents need to get a grip.
If I sense that a child's parents are "helicopter" I won't allow my child to play with those kids. I want my children to learn how to be independent and don't want them playing with kids who are molly coddled.
Wow. You think just playing with other kids will have that influence? That has not been my experience At All.
If I sense that a child's parents are "helicopter" I won't allow my child to play with those kids. I want my children to learn how to be independent and don't want them playing with kids who are molly coddled. The problem with some of these parents is, if their kid is playing at my home they'll send 30 text messages during those few hours and I don't have time to reply to all that. They do this even with older kids, which is bizarre. Whenever my mom sent me to play at someone else's house, she didn't call 30 times while I was over there. These parents need to get a grip.
Sounds a bit helicoptery, don't you think? Maybe your independent children would like to make their own choices regarding who they play with.
The truth is, helicopter parenting means that the person using the term believes that their parenting is less hands-on or less overprotective than the so-called helicopter parent.
Maybe parent A doesn't believe in using car seats or helmets because "I didn't use them and I turned out fine." She doesn't worry about where her kids are or if they don't make it home for dinner because when she was a child, she played for hours in the woods, sometimes camping overnight, and nothing bad ever happened. Parent A believes parents B, C, and D are helicopter parents.
Parent B insists upon safety devices. She allows her children to begin walking home from school at age 5 and doesn't mind if they play at other children's homes in the neighborhood as long as they come home for dinner by 5:00 pm. She feels that parents C and D are helicopter parents.
Parent C does not allow her elementary school aged children to walk home. She goes and picks them up because the school is a mile away and she doesn't think it's safe. If her kids want to play at a friend's house, she walks the kids in to meet the mom to introduce herself and give the mom her number. She feels that parent D is a helicopter mom but that parents A and B are too lax.
Parent D does not allow her high school student to walk home. If the teen wants to go to a friend's house, she calls ahead of time to find out whether there will be a parent home and to let the parent know that her child is not allowed to use trampolines, go to the mall without an adult, or eat sweets within two hours of dinner. She feels that parents A, B, and C are all very lax and that they probably don't love their children very much.
Of course, there are lots of cases in between all of those parents and even ones that are more extreme than Parents A and D. Someone out there thinks YOU'RE the helicopter mom, Priscilla, because unless you are completely non-protective of your children, there is someone who is more relaxed and who thinks you monitor your kids too much. And I'm sure there are parents (likely the ones you described in your post) who think you are not protective enough. I erred on the side of not letting my kids go to houses where the parents were too lax, in my opinion (like the anti-carseat and helmet mom who I know in real life). I was more like parent C and know parents in all four categories... I can't say I would keep them from playing with kids from family D, though. I always knew I had nothing to worry about when they were at that kid's house, anyway.
My kids couldn't wait to be on their own, yet have a very, very close relationship with me and my ex. My daughter was away to college, and then summer jobs in the mountains, whereas my son did stay at home until he got his college grad, and immediately moved into a condo he bought. I loaned him $5,000 for the down payment, which he paid me back within 6 months. Took my daughter a bit longer and her and her now husband had to rent for a year or so before they got married, but bought their first house and moved in 2 weeks after their wedding.
They asked for my advice on mortgaging etc. but did it on their own. Always raised them to be independent and self-sufficient, and they've taken that on in spades.
We've all heard of helicopter parents but it seems to be affecting even the "kids" that are not grown ups.
I'm totally shocked at how many 20 and 30 year olds are coddled by parents in our society today. When I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out on my own and get out from parent's orbit of influence. I loved my parents and had a great childhood but I was ready to move on.
Nowadays it seems different. Obviously rich people have always spoiled their adult kids but even middle class parents on 80k incomes are a lot more clingy these days than they used to be. I'm seeing things like parents going with their kids to grad school tours, getting involved in the details of their job search, grad school search, home search, etc.
It's not just financial, it's just way too much over involvement in general. It never would have occurred to me to take my mom/dad with me to look at med schools, or to have them shop my first house with me. I don't get it.
I wonder if some of these parents are interviewing their kids' boyfriends/girlfriends?
I don't know but it's annoying that's for sure. I never understood why people can't cut the cord.
I see a lot of parents discouraging their kids from working, and their teenager/young adults fund raise on the internet for things they want to do (travel, mission trips, paying off debt, etc). If the money doesn't come in fast enough they keep posting links to their GFMs on everyone's social media page.
I hate this error. Gen x parents are not the original helicopter parents. The younger boomers born in the late 1950s and early 60s were.
I was born in 1958 and my kids walked to school alone at 5 (1989-93), parents dropped kids off at practice and no one stayed to watch, never heard of a play date back then. That was in the midwest.
However, that was around the start of the self esteem movement where everyone got a trophy. Many of us young boomer coaches defied the trend and made sure we kept score and the winners got giant trophies.
It could just be that they’ve done it before and thought you might benefit from their experience.
That may be true in some cases, but wasn't in my case. They didn't share their experience. I don't think it's too unusual for parents to take an interest, though, when a major milestone, like buying one's first house, is being reached.
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Maybe your independent children would like to make their own choices regarding who they play with. 
