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One that particularly stood out to me was the mom who accompanied her daughter to the interview and raved to me how wonderful her kid was. The daughter showed no interest in the job and did not do well in the interview so I didn't call her back for a second round interview and called her to let her know 'thanks but no thanks'. Holy crap, about 5 minutes after I got off the phone with the daughter the mother called up there raging at me, demanding to know why I hadn't offered her daughter a job and also demanding my boss's phone number so she could call him and tell him what an awful job I was doing in passing up 'wonderful' candidates.
I've also had parents of adult children send me emails asking why I didn't pick their kids for jobs and even have had parents calling for their adult kids to set up initial interviews.
Yeah, strikes me as strange.
You should tell the parent to leave if they show up for an interview. It's not their interview. They were not invited. There is no legitimate reason for them to be there.
If the parents call you, tell them you can't discuss anything about their adult child with anyone outside of the company, that it's against company policy.
If you and others don't put your foot down, soon these helicopter parents will be walking all over corporate America.
You should tell the parent to leave if they show up for an interview. It's not their interview. They were not invited. There is no legitimate reason for them to be there.
If the parents call you, tell them you can't discuss anything about their adult child with anyone outside of the company, that it's against company policy.
If you and others don't put your foot down, soon these helicopter parents will be walking all over corporate America.
I do send the parents out when they try to join the interview and yes, when they call I do let them know that sorry--can't discuss employment decisions with anyone other than the applicant (their kid).
Personally I don't understand it. My parents always encouraged me to be independent so it wouldn't have been an issue but I would have flipped out if one of my parents had even suggested accompanying me to a job interview. It's one thing to ask the parents for job/interview tips but quite another to bring them along for the interview or have them follow up by calling the employer for you!
I had chatted with the student and she was mad when the College instructor told her she couldn't have her family stay when earning her credit hours. Even after the fact, the student's mom asked one of my friends who also helps with tutoring if the family can stay with her. Of course he said no because we're supposed to follow college policy when students are taking language classes. So last I heard, the student doesn't plan coming around anymore. I even told the student with any College class that requires outside hours gaining experience for the course, most likely will tell her the same thing.
And reason being I didn't talk to the student first was because I didn't want her parents give me the 3rd degree if their daughter complained to them. Some parents get crazy. I'm not one that can handle that kind of stuff.
Wait, what? The parent/s wanted to attend classes with her? Did I get that right?
The hovering parent won't allow their child to become an adult.
It's really sad, family enmeshment.
Bingo. These are parents who don't want little Jacob or Ashley to grow up. Inserting themselves in a job interview is the kiss of death for their kid's prospects of getting that job.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ameme234
I do not see the issue. Some families are different, it could be a culturally things. Some families are closer than others. As long as there is nothing weird or strange going on, who cares?
Well, once a child becomes an adult, College/Universities/Trade School and Employment don’t care about any of their religious/cultural/family background or how close they are to their family. So, not sure why this keeps getting brought up. It’s a sad situation seeing an 18 1/2 year old having a meltdown because she wishes to have mommy and family close by says a lot about her emotional maturity. And then when mommy dearest steps in, if that’s not narcissism at it’s finest, I don’t know what it is.
We as society are expected to be fairly independent by the time we are 18, that’s life. It’s okay to get advice and wisdom our from parents but not for them to do things we should be doing ourselves. In College, many courses require hours outside of class related to the course to gain credit to pass. It helps the Student to gain experience if that what she or he wants to major in and purse a career in that field. Maybe I’m not explaining myself clear. Family are kept away because students are supposed to be there focused on learning and improving their skills/training for that course
Well, once a child becomes an adult, College/Universities/Trade School and Employment don’t care about any of their religious/cultural/family background or how close they are to their family. So, not sure why this keeps getting brought up. It’s a sad situation seeing an 18 1/2 year old having a meltdown because she wishes to have mommy and family close by says a lot about her emotional maturity. And then when mommy dearest steps in, if that’s not narcissism at it’s finest, I don’t know what it is.
I thought narcissistic parents tended to be the opposite of over-involved with their kids. I thought the tendency more was to be neglectful, because narcissists are so self-involved. But I suppose being kind of neurotically overly-involved could be one manifestation of it....? Maybe a belief that the kids can't do anything right, if the parent isn't involved, micro-managing everything? IDK, could you elaborate a little? I'm trying to understand this whole over-involvement phenom.
Thank you, this is helpful. But why is there such an epidemic of it now and for the last decade or so?
I'm not sure why the parents won't let go ? So many of these kids don't really mature properly, it's because of the smothering parent (s). They keep treating an 18 year old young adult like a child.
By all of this hovering and smothering it's stifles the child from growing in to a mature adult, it's sick.
The child/young adult will think the world is made out of marshmallows and won't have a clue how to navigate out there in the world and there's so much to watch out for.
It also seems that with all the smothering the child/young adult won't know how to listen to their instincts, so they make good decisions. They NEED to think for themselves and find their own compass in life. They will lack confidence and self esteem and that is what they need to go out there in the world on their own.
There's a thread on this parenting site - Having a hard time growing up - by a young man in his early 20's talking about how his parents still treat him like a child. It's sad to read but he sounds very smart & aware, wants to grow up, sounds like he's going and growing in the right direction to adulthood.
Last edited by 70's Music Girl; 03-10-2019 at 06:28 PM..
Location: Forest Service Cabin-90% of the yr. Sis & I inherited it and I bought her out.
175 posts, read 125,252 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 70's Music Girl
I'm not sure why the parents won't let go ? So many of these kids don't really mature properly, it's because of the smothering parent (s). They keep treating an 18 year old young adult like a child.
By all of this hovering and smothering it's stifles the child from growing in to a mature adult, it's sick.
The child/young adult will think the world is made out of marshmallows and won't have a clue how to navigate out there in the world and there's so much to watch out for.
It also seems that with all the smothering the child/young adult won't know how to listen to their instincts, so they make good decisions. They NEED to think for themselves and find their own compass in life. They will lack confidence and self esteem and that is what they need to go out there in the world on their own.
There's a thread on this parenting site - Having a hard time growing up - by a young man in his early 20's talking about how his parents still treat him like a child. It's sad to read but he sounds very smart & aware, wants to grow up, sounds like he's going and growing in the right direction to adulthood.
When adults were abused as children, they have no way to gauge what is normal. So they over-due the love and affection, suffocating the children. Their biggest fear is repeating their parents mistakes knowing how detrimental they are to their own personal development. They just don't know. Then when they are told by their children, they are caught between what feels right and honoring the kids requests. That's my hypothesis for many parents.
The op? I see narcism. No one deprives their child of an education they've worked hard for, pulling them out like that because they cannot eavesdrop and be in view of the tutoring session. That;s something more serious. If that is what happened, who knows.
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