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This discussion reminds me of that gymnastics coach who actually touched his students inappropriately right in front of their parents. There were other people who noticed but because of the power he had accumulated in the system didn't dare to confront it for fear of retaliation.
I'm not talking specifically about MIL in this post but wanted to add that the compulsion to sexually abuse is so strong that confronting the abuser results in something similar to confronting an alcoholic or anyone else with a mental compulsion. It will be responded to either with admittance and a continuation of the behavior or very strong, intimidating denial. Or, sometimes there's a promise to quit and then the behavior goes underground into hiding.
People have no clue how extensive child sexual abuse is in our culture. The current estimate is one in five girls and one in twenty boys from reporting but no one knows how many cases remain hidden, especially in males.
I think it is a true dilemma for us all. We don't want our children to be terror-ridden every time they are out in the world. We don't want to see a monster behind every kiss or hug. We don't want to cause harm to an innocent adult's life and we certainly don't want to remain silent while a child's tender trust is being shattered. It's not easy to find a middle ground with this issue.
If a person feels they can trust a social worker they are the best equipped to assess the situation and make recommendations. Families aren't.
But what a fear of turning something like this over to a stranger!
I have reached out to my nephew’s mother (she’s not legally my sister in law as they never married) to get together without MIL present. I will bring it up with her then.
This discussion reminds me of that gymnastics coach who actually touched his students inappropriately right in front of their parents. There were other people who noticed but because of the power he had accumulated in the system didn't dare to confront it for fear of retaliation.
I'm not talking specifically about MIL in this post but wanted to add that the compulsion to sexually abuse is so strong that confronting the abuser results in something similar to confronting an alcoholic or anyone else with a mental compulsion. It will be responded to either with admittance and a continuation of the behavior or very strong, intimidating denial. Or, sometimes there's a promise to quit and then the behavior goes underground into hiding.
People have no clue how extensive child sexual abuse is in our culture. The current estimate is one in five girls and one in twenty boys from reporting but no one knows how many cases remain hidden, especially in males.
I think it is a true dilemma for us all. We don't want our children to be terror-ridden every time they are out in the world. We don't want to see a monster behind every kiss or hug. We don't want to cause harm to an innocent adult's life and we certainly don't want to remain silent while a child's tender trust is being shattered. It's not easy to find a middle ground with this issue.
If a person feels they can trust a social worker they are the best equipped to assess the situation and make recommendations. Families aren't.
But what a fear of turning something like this over to a stranger!
It's kind of common sense if you feel your child is being abused, you take immediate steps to stop the abuse - the OP, on the other hand, is "la la la."
My guess is that it is convenient for the OP to have this arrangement, and she is in denial because she doesn't want to go to the trouble to fix this situation and find other care (or even quit her job if her child is in immediate danger).
It's kind of common sense if you feel your child is being abused, you take immediate steps to stop the abuse - the OP, on the other hand, is "la la la."
My guess is that it is convenient for the OP to have this arrangement, and she is in denial because she doesn't want to go to the trouble to fix this situation and find other care (or even quit her job if her child is in immediate danger).
She came back and explained that is actually her nephew, and she probably doesn’t have a lot of experience with children anyway.
Didn’t read the entire thread
Is there any ethnic component to this family that was mentioned or might be relevant
Some cultures have different values for how they touch children
Not justifying it
Just think if there is a cultural factor the woman doing the touching is going to be much more reluctant to see anything wrong in this behavior
Or any other person in that social group
We can easily translate emotional language here AND offer objective feedback since we don't know the people you are describing.
Your attempts to sanitize your descriptions are only causing more problems than what you are trying to avoid. As is, the entire scenario is suspect, so if there's anything else relevant, please save us all some time and effort and include it now.
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