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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,633 posts, read 17,968,125 times
Reputation: 50655
So. OP, are you saying, you're planning a move to Jacksonville, and whether your 16 year old daughter moves there for college or not, is irrelevant.
And by the strangest of coincidences, your daughter has her eye on a college in Jacksonville, completely separate and apart from your stated plans to move there?
Your post only stands out because there is what is now called "lawn mower parents" who are worse than helicopter parents.
I'll tell you, never in the history of time have there been so many parents who travel around and move where their college students move. Who just can't cut the cord, for that 4 years of their son's/daughter's independent growth.
My first semester away from home, in a distant town, away from my parents, was the biggest growth 6 months I've ever experienced in my life. And I think young adults who moved away from their parents to college will all back me up here.
It's like your brain expands like a balloon. You're about to deny your daughter that life-changing experience.
So. OP, are you saying, you're planning a move to Jacksonville, and whether your 16 year old daughter moves there for college or not, is irrelevant.
And by the strangest of coincidences, your daughter has her eye on a college in Jacksonville, completely separate and apart from your stated plans to move there?
Your post only stands out because there is what is now called "lawn mower parents" who are worse than helicopter parents.
I'll tell you, never in the history of time have there been so many parents who travel around and move where their college students move. Who just can't cut the cord, for that 4 years of their son's/daughter's independent growth.
My first semester away from home, in a distant town, away from my parents, was the biggest growth 6 months I've ever experienced in my life. And I think young adults who moved away from their parents to college will all back me up here.
It's like your brain expands like a balloon. You're about to deny your daughter that life-changing experience.
According to the OP, her husband hates where he is living now and would prefer to live somewhere less sleepy. I find it hard to believe that the only option is Jacksonville. There are TONS of other towns that have more going on in FL that are out of SE Florida, including cities of varying size from the Tampa/St. Pete area down to Naples with tons of offerings and career options in their fields. There are also nice cities around Orlando that are closer to Jacksonville but still not IN Jacksonville.
Unlike other posters I don't think your necessarily helicopter parents; it sound more like you see your daughter getting ready for a fun and new exciting life and you're wanting that too? Maybe jealous that your daughter is getting a chance to escape what you consider boring life?
There's nothing wrong with moving. But It's interesting your post preferences that your planning to move to be near your child when your still 1-2 years away from her official decision. It seems like you're trying to find a way out, but instead of looking at all the various options that might work best for you once your daughter leaves, you've opted to just go wherever your daughter goes.
What if she changes her mind and decides on a different school or wants to look at schools out of state? When I was a junior (16 years old) I wanted to go to a particular school and visited with my parents. They ended up loving the area and were going to purchase a 2nd home there, which automatically turned me off on the school and I started to look at other schools in areas I knew my parents would never consider. I hated to rock the boat so like your daughter I just told them I was "fine" with their plans to move, but I sure switched up my plans behind the scenes. It's also possible your constraining her to the 1 school when she should be free to pick and choose wherever she sees fit for her, not her parents.
You need to make your reasons for moving separate from your daughters plans for college. Her reasoning for picking a school is completely different from your needs as employees, commuters, and community members. A just because a place is fun to visit doesn't mean it's right for living/retiring. Concentrate on your needs as a couple rather then as parents because that role is going to shift dramatically in the next couple years. And move because you need to, not because it's convenient to be near your daughter and when you visited the city was "fun".
So. OP, are you saying, you're planning a move to Jacksonville, and whether your 16 year old daughter moves there for college or not, is irrelevant.
And by the strangest of coincidences, your daughter has her eye on a college in Jacksonville, completely separate and apart from your stated plans to move there?
Your post only stands out because there is what is now called "lawn mower parents" who are worse than helicopter parents.
I'll tell you, never in the history of time have there been so many parents who travel around and move where their college students move. Who just can't cut the cord, for that 4 years of their son's/daughter's independent growth.
My first semester away from home, in a distant town, away from my parents, was the biggest growth 6 months I've ever experienced in my life. And I think young adults who moved away from their parents to college will all back me up here.
It's like your brain expands like a balloon. You're about to deny your daughter that life-changing experience.
Yes. Parents who could afford to (and even if they couldn't afford to, there was financial aid) used to deliberately send their kids to college away from the home town, typically--far enough away that the kids couldn't come home to visit on weekends, as a way of giving the kids the opportunity for personal growth, and to make sure the apron strings got cut, so they'd become independent adults. "To finish growing up" is the way my brother put it. They can't complete the growing-up and maturing process, if the parents hover nearby all the time.
"For many college students, the transition on their minds is to a different college. A 2015 report by the National Student Clearinghouse Research Center found that 37.2 percent of college students changed schools at least once within six years.
It would be interesting to see what parents who follow their kids to college do, if the student transfers to another school after 2 years, then graduates and gets a job in another state. Would some parents move every two years, to follow their child? That's very expensive, not to mention--stressful, and a lot of work. I don't know how it would even be possible, unless the main earner in the family had a highly mobile and in-demand profession.
It would be interesting to see what parents who follow their kids to college do, if the student transfers to another school after 2 years, then graduates and gets a job in another state. Would some parents move every two years, to follow their child? That's very expensive, not to mention--stressful, and a lot of work. I don't know how it would even be possible, unless the main earner in the family had a highly mobile and in-demand profession.
In this instance, the OP said they planned to stay put in Jacksonville regardless of whether or not her daughter remained there during or after college.
Retirees have been known to move to areas where there adult child(ren) live. It all depends on the family as to whether it is healthy or not. Extended family is a nice thing for grandchildren.
In this instance, the OP said they planned to stay put in Jacksonville regardless of whether or not her daughter remained there during or after college.
Retirees have been known to move to areas where there adult child(ren) live. It all depends on the family as to whether it is healthy or not. Extended family is a nice thing for grandchildren.
Right. But where someone goes to college isn't usually where they settle down, after completing their degree. Some do, most don't. The time for parents to decide on a retirement location, if they want to be near their kids, or at least one of their kids, would be after the kids get settled into a post-college career.
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