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Hi so my wife and I are expecting our first child in October.
Thinking of making my schedule flexible and being home more hoping to work 2 16's & 8 hours.
Talking with our new friend moms they say the wife being home with the child for 18 to 20 hours will be draining for my wife.
What's you thoughts mom's?
My wife and I were discussing multiple scenarios.
Looking at either 10 hours 5 days a week. That would give me 10 hours free those 5 days and 2 days completely off
Or
18 hours (2 hours free) twice a week & 1 10 hour shift (10 hours free) a week and 4 days completely off. I could work that towards 1 18 be on my weekend on. So I have 18 Sunday, 10 Eves Tuesday, & 18 Thursday. So that way all we would need is to find someone to watch the child from 6am to 4pm on Friday.
Or
1 18 hour shift (2 hours free) & 3 10's (10 hours free) and 3 days completely off
(I factor in commute time as well)
(8's are variable shifts as well could be working 7 to 330, 330 to 1130, or 1130 to 730)
Also will have to factor in that hopefully on those two 18s my wife would be off of work and so would one of our mom's.
The wife currently works 9 hour evening shifts 4 times a week Sunday through Saturday. We have been also discussing the possibility of her going to 4 to 5 8 hour day shifts M-F with the weekends off. Wife and i both work eves with same weekend on. The MIL has that weekend off.
One of you, at least, needs to be on a daytime, weekday schedule. Full.freaking.stop. Do that ASAP. The cost of childcare outside typical working hours is EXTREMELY prohibitive and is OFTEN very dodgy in quality... basically, good, safe care is going to be expensive and child-abuse/neglect/mental-emotional trauma-quality childcare is going to be affordable. Your wife will end up staying at home because likely, you'll spend more on evening/weekend childcare than she'll earn or very, very close. You don't want to NEED MIL every weekend, even if it sounds ideal now. I promise.
You have not factored in any sleep. You will not get much anyway, but you will die without some.
Figure I can get 2 to 4 hrs of sleep on the days I work. 10 hrs, might be spread out in a day, on the days off from work. Kind of similiar to my sleep pattern now.
Also will have to factor in that hopefully on those two 18s my wife would be off of work and so would one of our mom's.
"Hopefully" is not a good plan.
I agree that one of you needs to switch to 5 weekdays. All those long shifts will be a nightmare for both of you.
Based on my experience, I would prefer to have regular daily relief after about 8 hours than to have irregular schedules of having the other parent home three straight days and then gone a ton.
Also work on getting a reliable non-family babysitter ASAP so you can have a backup if your MIL doesn't work out or is unavailable.
One of you, at least, needs to be on a daytime, weekday schedule. Full.freaking.stop. Do that ASAP. The cost of childcare outside typical working hours is EXTREMELY prohibitive and is OFTEN very dodgy in quality... basically, good, safe care is going to be expensive and child-abuse/neglect/mental-emotional trauma-quality childcare is going to be affordable. Your wife will end up staying at home because likely, you'll spend more on evening/weekend childcare than she'll earn or very, very close. You don't want to NEED MIL every weekend, even if it sounds ideal now. I promise.
There is a great daycare service near by where we live open 630 to 530.
If my wife works days. Our future child can go there twice a week. From 630 to 400.
Only downside for the wife is 2 days during the week she have to drop the child off at daycare. Then pick it up and take care of it on her own during the eves. Then I could take over night duties since i be off the next day from work.
Think ideally working nights would be best for me and days for the wife. Was thinking of sticking with my job for a little while to cover the baby insurance wise. Then thinking go per diem once the baby is around 8 months if I could land a night job. There is a hospital 4 miles down the road I see openings for a lot for 36 hr night position for a field of work I am in. So that could be another possibility.
I say this is my biggest stress with having a child lol.
My wife plans to look and hopefully find a day job or see if her work could bump her to days during her maternity leave.
I agree that one of you needs to switch to 5 weekdays. All those long shifts will be a nightmare for both of you.
Based on my experience, I would prefer to have regular daily relief after about 8 hours than to have irregular schedules of having the other parent home three straight days and then gone a ton.
Also work on getting a reliable non-family babysitter ASAP so you can have a backup if your MIL doesn't work out or is unavailable.
We have the MIL. She will likely retire next year. My mom is partially retired she only works one day a week. The MIL plans to work per diem when she retires.
Also have to factor Winter in we are about 10 miles away from the moms.
I could drop in hours but my insurance would skyrocket in cost and it's not worth it unless the wife could get full time health insurance.
There is a great daycare service near by where we live open 630 to 530.
If my wife works days. Our future child can go there twice a week. From 630 to 400.
Only downside for the wife is 2 days during the week she have to drop the child off at daycare. Then pick it up and take care of it on her own during the eves. Then I could take over night duties since i be off the next day from work.
She'll be fine. You'll be fine. The baby will be fine.
All this "flurry of worry" is only going to borrow stress you don't even know will be there. You'll all manage fine. You might end up with one of those awesome babies who sleeps when you put her down or an always-screaming version that is inescapable. For the latter, you buy earplugs and slowly suffer some permanent hearing loss. You'll have earplugs in your pocket at all times, set the default on the television for closed captions, and learn to sleep through a dull roar. Some babies are just screamers and it's no one's fault.
You cannot predict what will happen, only focus on things you CAN control... like cheaper, reliable daycare, one of you having "normal" working hours at all times, and getting a good, double breastpump. (See if insurance will pay for it, so she can get it after the birth. She'll need to train her breasts to make a lot of milk and she'll need to drink a LOT of water - with the occasional beer/oatmeal/fenugreek supplements/ice cream to boost supply - to get enough milk for going back to work. Just her body MAKING milk is very tiring - 800 calories a day burned! - and she'll be tired in a different way than you'll be.) You need a good breastpump, milk bags, brown NUK binkies, and a Moby wrap in a neutral color both of you can wear because carrying around that baby all the time will feel like you're trapped unless it's TIED ONTO you. There is indescribable relief in being able to pee and having both hands free WHILE holding your now-NOT-screaming baby. I get it for EVERY new mom in my life and used it with my own youngest children, well over a decade ago. I could even nurse in it, nurse while walking, and keep a hand free.
Another reason wife wants days. Is the day nurses rarely stay over their shift. However, limited resources, various factors occur during the eve, and some can't make it to work till after their shift starts my wife sometimes doesn't get home till 1 to 2 in the morning. That is only 3 miles away from home.
For myself on good weather days and not bad traffic if I leave work at 1130 at night usually home by 1220. Have to add another 20 minutes so around a quater to 1 I'll be home with our new home location.
You cannot predict what will happen, only focus on things you CAN control... like cheaper, reliable daycare, one of you having "normal" working hours at all times, and getting a good, double breastpump. (See if insurance will pay for it, so she can get it after the birth. She'll need to train her breasts to make a lot of milk and she'll need to drink a LOT of water - with the occasional beer/oatmeal/fenugreek supplements/ice cream to boost supply - to get enough milk for going back to work. Just her body MAKING milk is very tiring - 800 calories a day burned! - and she'll be tired in a different way than you'll be.) You need a good breastpump, milk bags, brown NUK binkies, and a Moby wrap in a neutral color both of you can wear because carrying around that baby all the time will feel like you're trapped unless it's TIED ONTO you. There is indescribable relief in being able to pee and having both hands free WHILE holding your now-NOT-screaming baby. I get it for EVERY new mom in my life and used it with my own youngest children, well over a decade ago. I could even nurse in it, nurse while walking, and keep a hand free.
You can't predict that breastfeeding will work out...
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