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Old 07-17-2019, 01:03 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
59,630 posts, read 57,134,827 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BostonMike7 View Post
I was in grade and high school in the 1990's.....

At 12 years old, some of my classmates were doing a hell of a lot more than just playing boyfriend and girlfriend with each other.
I graduated from high school in 1976. I knew a girl who was having sex at 12 and another at 13, so 1970 and '71.
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Old 07-17-2019, 01:17 PM
 
8,227 posts, read 3,004,212 times
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I knew a girl who had a long term boyfriend (of course...at 13 years old...what's long term? LOL) and got pregnant, married, and had a baby at 13.


Saw a notice in the paper once, that their family was throwing them a 10 year anniversary party. So...they were married that long at least.


Sure...not all 12 year olds are getting jiggy, but acting like it NEVER happens, or it's a freak of nature? People, get real.
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Old 07-17-2019, 01:50 PM
 
655 posts, read 2,068,103 times
Reputation: 847
Quote:
Originally Posted by savery22 View Post
I just saw an "oops" live video from my 12 yo daughters "boyfriend" he was telling the girl her was facetiming he loved her. Also that he was horny. It's my girls first boyfriend and I know I have to tell her but she will be heartbroken. I asked him if he realized his "girlfriends" mom just watched his enire convo with another girl live on ig and he said no, removed it and apologized. he was sorry and i rreponded " id be sorry too" Any advice will help
Do you think any of your daughter's friends saw the IG video? That might help keep you out of the situation if one of her friends pipes up about what he said.

It is tricky when parents insert themselves in their kid's 'romances', because being helpful isn't usually seen as such. What I would do is calmly approach your daughter and inform her that you saw a video accidentally posted and subsequently deleted on IG by her boyfriend. Explain that you are not going to try to influence her feelings by revealing the video's contents, but instead suggest that she speak with her boyfriend about the video "mom saw". Let her know you'll be there for her if she wants to hear your side of the story after they talk. If she doesn't come to you about it afterward, step back and let the incident drop. Be there for her when she finally discovers the truth on her own.

I'm sure you're doing the normal parental monitoring of their behavior, so no need to go into that.
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Old 07-17-2019, 03:18 PM
 
5,596 posts, read 6,911,851 times
Reputation: 9187
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
I'm not saying it's appropriate, to say these things, but geez, boys that age think about sex ALL THE TIME. Since you have your degree in Early Childhood Development, I'll assume you know that.


OBVIOUSLY they're immature, but it doesn't negate that 12 yr. olds can and do develop romantic and sexual feelings for each other. At that age, it's something that parents need to manage. Not stick their heads in the sand and pretend like it's not happening, and not get in an outrage and say "My kid would never..."
Stop with the boys will be boys BS. Boys can also control themselves when they are expected to. I'm not saying kids don't develop crushes on other kids, but acting on it is a totally different matter. I don't recall saying, "My kid would never..." But it'a parent's JOB to monitor their kids behavior and actions. Read every text, block people, block sites, etc. It's not foolproof, but it can be done. But saying, "Well, they're going to do it anyway, so might as well let them," is a lazy cop-out.
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Old 07-17-2019, 04:30 PM
 
8,227 posts, read 3,004,212 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarnivalGal View Post
Stop with the boys will be boys BS. Boys can also control themselves when they are expected to. I'm not saying kids don't develop crushes on other kids, but acting on it is a totally different matter. I don't recall saying, "My kid would never..." But it'a parent's JOB to monitor their kids behavior and actions. Read every text, block people, block sites, etc. It's not foolproof, but it can be done. But saying, "Well, they're going to do it anyway, so might as well let them," is a lazy cop-out.

And you don't think middle school kids talk dirty? I think, if you go back to my previous posts, I SAID that parents need to monitor this, but don't pretend YOUR kid (anyone's kid) would never do so and so. OF COURSE it's a parents responsibility to train their children in the way they should go. Which is pretty much the opposite of putting heads in sand and pretending their kids "would never!"
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Old 07-17-2019, 06:23 PM
 
655 posts, read 2,068,103 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarnivalGal View Post
Stop with the boys will be boys BS. Boys can also control themselves when they are expected to. I'm not saying kids don't develop crushes on other kids, but acting on it is a totally different matter. I don't recall saying, "My kid would never..." But it's a parent's JOB to monitor their kids behavior and actions. Read every text, block people, block sites, etc. It's not foolproof, but it can be done. But saying, "Well, they're going to do it anyway, so might as well let them," is a lazy cop-out.
Kids at this age are usually 'going together', their first forays into having a boyfriend. They are excited at the concept of having a boyfriend and want to figure out what all of these new feelings mean. Most kids are not involved in intercourse at this age; they are restricting their curiosity to first and second base in the limited moments they have together without anyone watching. Sassy is not suggesting these kids go off alone for hours on end. That's absurd. And the OP is, what I suspect, being the type of parent that takes her daughter and 'boyfriend' out to McDonalds or a movie in the day, then she takes him home. It's all chaperoned.

Do I agree with monitoring texts and apps? You bet! I believe in keeping close tabs on their virtual lives and watching for signs that their lives are going into unhealthy directions such as bullying, pedophiles, drugs, depression, and actual sexual encounters at that age. But I'd never block friends when an adolescent son or daughter chats about wanting to feel her boyfriend's bum or confesses to kissing him in the hall. That is normal behavior. Try to time general conversations about the ground rules and what's right or wrong when their communications get heated. And curtain outings when they get too involved.

These are the years when kids need to learn how to channel their impulses in appropriate ways, and it's a learning process. To learn is to DO. Learning about loving relationships means they have to start with ground-level, first-hand puppy love experience. All those goofy, dreamy, awkward, and painful moments are part of growing up. And that's all done under close parental supervision at that age.

I also have a B.S. in Child Learning and Development, with an additional B.A. in Psychology.
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Old 07-17-2019, 10:35 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
13,120 posts, read 13,164,756 times
Reputation: 21280
Quote:
Originally Posted by BostonMike7 View Post
I was in grade and high school in the 1990's.....

At 12 years old, some of my classmates were doing a hell of a lot more than just playing boyfriend and girlfriend with each other.
It was the same in the 1950s. Some of my classmates were pretty shy, others took to sex like a duck to water. From some of the comments here, I have to wonder if some of these people ever went through puberty.
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Old 07-17-2019, 11:00 PM
 
Location: tampa bay
6,643 posts, read 7,022,808 times
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I would think that her boyfriend telling her he loves her and is horny is a pretty clear indication that there has already been some degree of sexual contact between the two...unacceptable for 12-year-olds...I would nip this in the bud...nothing good comes from two 12 yr olds engaging in sexual activity and that degree of familiarity. Yes, we all knew a hua or two (boy or girl) in middle school...they exist/ed what's your point? Nobody wants it to be their kid, do they?
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Old 07-18-2019, 08:18 AM
 
8,227 posts, read 3,004,212 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
It was the same in the 1950s. Some of my classmates were pretty shy, others took to sex like a duck to water. From some of the comments here, I have to wonder if some of these people ever went through puberty.

Or have had kids go through puberty.
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Old 07-18-2019, 08:26 AM
 
8,227 posts, read 3,004,212 times
Reputation: 18875
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishiis49 View Post
I would think that her boyfriend telling her he loves her and is horny is a pretty clear indication that there has already been some degree of sexual contact between the two...unacceptable for 12-year-olds...I would nip this in the bud...nothing good comes from two 12 yr olds engaging in sexual activity and that degree of familiarity. Yes, we all knew a hua or two (boy or girl) in middle school...they exist/ed what's your point? Nobody wants it to be their kid, do they?

The OP caught the boy saying these things to ANOTHER girl.


MY point is directed to those who said their 12 yr old would never have a boyfriend or girlfriend, and that it's too young, etc. Trying to make OP feel like she's a lousy mom for letting her daughter HAVE a boyfriend. My point is, LOTS of kids this age pair up. It's normal.


And I think all of us AGREE that THIS boy is NOT being appropriate, and NOT good for OP's daughter. How have you made it this far along in the thread and not picked up on that?
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