18 year old daughter's boyfriend is a jerk

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by Maddie104

Do you feel you influenced her choice in guys?

I don't know if I could take credit for that.

However, once my ex accepted that the divorce was going to happen, to my surprise HE was the one who first said, "We are going to have to get along and be civil in front of our daughter." He went to AA meetings for a time, so he may have picked up some adult insight there, I really don't know.

At any rate, except for issues over money (he was very reluctant to pay child support and rarely paid what he was supposed to pay, and I mostly let it go to keep the peace for her sake) we did become civil and attend school events, etc., together. I never put her father down, because she is a smart girl and was going to figure it out herself, and she did. She knows his limitations and accepts him as he is, but she also manages her relationship with him as far as his alcoholism goes.

So, any influence I may have had might have been in just letting her see that I took responsibility for making a bad choice.

[jaminhealth]

Originally Posted by conniehar

My 18 year old daughter has been dating this boy for 7 months. I have so many concerns with this relationship and am worried about my daughter.

- He pursued her very aggressively from the beginning and she has since given up every other relationship that she had. She hasn't spent time with anyone but him since February. She says she doesn't enjoy hanging out with anyone else and that her friends are fake. I know this is not true.
- She goes to work, comes home, showers and he picks her up and drops her off at midnight. They never hang out at our house - always at his house. She doesn't work on Fri/Sat so she sits at his house for 12 hours both days. They do nothing and go no where except to eat.
- He supposedly works for an online food delivery service (like Uber Eats) but since they are always sitting at his house, I can't imagine he works much. I have suspicions that she is giving him small amounts of cash.
- I noticed red flags around Prom time when he wouldn't allow his parents to come to our house for pictures (apparently they got in a fight that day). My daughter begged me not to say anything to him about why they didn't come (as if she was scared that he would get mad at her if I said something).
- He didn't go to his own high school graduation. Didn't want to. His parents and my daughter begged him to go but he refused. My daughter was upset that her boyfriend wouldn't see her graduate.
- I accidentally saw some texts that he sent my daughter when they were fighting - he was swearing at her repeatedly with the F word.
- My father-in-law passed away two weeks ago and I asked her if he was coming to the service. She said yes but he wanted her to pick him up. I told her she needed to come with us as the boyfriend couldn't come to lunch afterwards due to an appointment and she didn't have time to drop him off. He agreed he would drive. The morning of the funeral my daughter is in her room crying that he won't come unless she picks him up. Who does that to someone on the morning of their grandpa's funeral? She came with us and he didn't show. That evening, she was back at his house as usual. It felt like a slap in the face to our family that he didn't show his respects and she was ok with it!
- I have spoken to her about verbal and emotional abuse but she doesn't see it. He always apologizes and she is a very forgiving person. She just keeps saying that they are teenagers and I shouldn't expect things to be perfect.
- She has plans to go to college 3 hours from home. He has plans to go to college several states away. However, i wouldn't be surprised if he backs out at the last minute or quits after a week. She says they plan to stay together even though it is long distance.

I know she is 18 but it is so hard to watch as she has become a totally different person. I see her friends and other kids her age having the time of their lives with their friends and going fun places. It is killing me! I guess at this point I just sit back and hope for the best when they separate in 30 days? Any other advice? Thanks!

Oh those Love Sick years and it's just too too bad so many young people don't just work on their futures vs getting tangled with the opposite sex so young...those G.D. hormones. I really liked boys and got married at 23, old for back then, but so much was to get out of a unhappy household. Oh how I see it all.

Oh course, she's a kid and so many think they know it all. I have a 22 yr old grandgirl and yep, she knows it all.

I can just about say, wish my daughter brought a great gf home and told you she's in love...

Is your daughter close to her father? She may be looking for a male in her life if the dad and she are not in good place... My daughter was not in a good place with her father as we were divorced but my daughter didn't marry until 30 and still ended up in divorce 17 yrs later...

We just never know. HOPE for the best outcomes.