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I've been through some rough stuff in life and I'm unfortunately 24 and living at home again. I started seeking professional help and with the help of my therapist, I untangled a lot of mental issues setting me back. I also found out through my therapist that some childhood memories involving my mother were not "normal" but in fact bondafide sexual abuse/child molestation.
I posted online about the incidents and my mother somehow managed to read my posts, and confronted me about it. She categorically denied ever abusing me, and claimed my therapist was just creating issues so I would have to keep going back and paying them more $ to fix my "issues."
Then, my mother said that she would do anything to make me happy, and proceeded to walk to our neighbor's house. Our neighbor is a cop. And she actually stepped inside the house. When she returned, she claimed that she had confessed everything to the cop, offered her wrists to the officer, and told him to arrest her if he needed to. She told me that if I wanted her to go downtown and sit in a cell, she would gladly oblige, all to make me happy, just as a perfect mother as herself would.
I'm just extremely, extremely confused right now. Most of the events above occurred just yesterday, and I'm still just trying to figure out how another human being has sunken to this level. I've already laid out plans for myself to move out by the end of this year, and I've been working 2 jobs to get back on my feet.
Parents: how would you react in this situation? I'm just trying to figure out what's "normal" and what's not because the more I go to therapy, the more I realize that everything about me is the furthest thing from "normal."
I've been through some rough stuff in life and I'm unfortunately 24 and living at home again. I started seeking professional help and with the help of my therapist, I untangled a lot of mental issues setting me back. I also found out through my therapist that some childhood memories involving my mother were not "normal" but in fact bondafide sexual abuse/child molestation.
I posted online about the incidents and my mother somehow managed to read my posts, and confronted me about it. She categorically denied ever abusing me, and claimed my therapist was just creating issues so I would have to keep going back and paying them more $ to fix my "issues."
Then, my mother said that she would do anything to make me happy, and proceeded to walk to our neighbor's house. Our neighbor is a cop. And she actually stepped inside the house. When she returned, she claimed that she had confessed everything to the cop, offered her wrists to the officer, and told him to arrest her if he needed to. She told me that if I wanted her to go downtown and sit in a cell, she would gladly oblige, all to make me happy, just as a perfect mother as herself would.
Hmmm. Just no.
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I'm just extremely, extremely confused right now. Most of the events above occurred just yesterday, and I'm still just trying to figure out how another human being has sunken to this level. I've already laid out plans for myself to move out by the end of this year, and I've been working 2 jobs to get back on my feet.
Good on you. So hard. I am rooting for you.
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Parents: how would you react in this situation? I'm just trying to figure out what's "normal" and what's not because the more I go to therapy, the more I realize that everything about me is the furthest thing from "normal."
hmmm, what would I do if I had been abusing my child? I have no idea. I did have a mental health problem of my own that made me less emotionally available to my children. What I did do was seek therapy for myself. And if I were in your mother's shoes, that is what I would do as well. I would NOT seek to undermine my child's therapy for themselves. I would NOT attempt to defend myself with heroic looking stunts like the one she pulled. Gaslighting and confusion inducing is the POINT to support her maladaptive coping techniques where her brain tries to convince herself she is a-ok. I would tell her that I support her. I would offer what support in the form of paying for therapy that I could, breaking my back to do it if I had to. I would offer to attend therapy with her to see what form of remedy and amends I could do to aid her healing.
I've been through some rough stuff in life and I'm unfortunately 24 and living at home again. I started seeking professional help and with the help of my therapist, I untangled a lot of mental issues setting me back. I also found out through my therapist that some childhood memories involving my mother were not "normal" but in fact bondafide sexual abuse/child molestation.
I posted online about the incidents and my mother somehow managed to read my posts, and confronted me about it. She categorically denied ever abusing me, and claimed my therapist was just creating issues so I would have to keep going back and paying them more $ to fix my "issues."
Then, my mother said that she would do anything to make me happy, and proceeded to walk to our neighbor's house. Our neighbor is a cop. And she actually stepped inside the house. When she returned, she claimed that she had confessed everything to the cop, offered her wrists to the officer, and told him to arrest her if he needed to. She told me that if I wanted her to go downtown and sit in a cell, she would gladly oblige, all to make me happy, just as a perfect mother as herself would.
I'm just extremely, extremely confused right now. Most of the events above occurred just yesterday, and I'm still just trying to figure out how another human being has sunken to this level. I've already laid out plans for myself to move out by the end of this year, and I've been working 2 jobs to get back on my feet.
Parents: how would you react in this situation? I'm just trying to figure out what's "normal" and what's not because the more I go to therapy, the more I realize that everything about me is the furthest thing from "normal."
I'm just trying to figure out what's "normal" and what's not
None of this. From the abuse to your mother's crazy reaction at the neighbor's house. My only advice here is to get out of the house pronto. Find a family member or a friend and crash on their couch until you have enough saved up for your own place, which would ideally be far away from Mom. Best of luck.
Your therapist says abuse. Based on childhood memories. That's only one side of the story. It's not uncommon for people to have different memories of long ago events, and it's possible your memories of things that happened may be quite different from what your mom remembers.
Frankly I think your mother has a right to present her side of things too. I think you should have a session or three that includes your mother too. A little bit of family therapy as it were. I'm surprised your therapist hasn't suggested it.
Your therapist says abuse. Based on childhood memories. That's only one side of the story. It's not uncommon for people to have different memories of long ago events, and it's possible your memories of things that happened may be quite different from what your mom remembers.
Frankly I think your mother has a right to present her side of things too. I think you should have a session or three that includes your mother too. A little bit of family therapy as it were. I'm surprised your therapist hasn't suggested it.
OP if you are still reading. I am going to respond to this for YOU.
It is very much not uncommon for people not to believe the experience of abuse. Do not lend credence to this. If YOU would like family therapy. Rock it. If not, rock that.
As far as what you are experiencing here, it sounds like classic narcissistic self preservation on your mother's part. Healing is the goal, not a dramatic offer to send her away in chains. This is not about putting Mom on trial. This is about you being able to be whole and peaceful.
My very best wishes to you.
ETA: It would not be normal for your therapist to advise you sit down with your abuser in family counseling At All.
ETA: It would not be normal for your therapist to advise you sit down with your abuser in family counseling At All.
Every therapist I've been to generally wants to hear from both parties if possible. Most of them have suggested at least one joint counseling session for any parties involved.
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