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This is hard for me to write but I don't have anybody else to get opinions from.
After spending most of my life under a bully of a parent and enabling family members I feel a lot better about life in general now that I have my own place.
After dropping out of a closing college my aunt told me to bring myself and my then 4 year old "home" until I can figure things out. I decided to go to massage school and graduated a year later. Upon graduation I started saving for an apartment of my own. A few months later I ended up with pneumonia and spent weeks in the hospital. This set me back a lot! Not to mention my child support stopped then got cut in half when I went to court about it. Did I mention I was accepted into a university in Texas to finish my degree and so because baby daddy wasn't using his visitation and the university housing department said they needed documentation that I wasn't "kidnapping" the kid I went back to court to ask for full custody. (I didn't need it but I didn't know because I have physical custody). We are now about a year and half in maybe 2. Court date rolls around and he shows up WITH MY PARENT to say I should NOT be able to move with my child that he hadn't laid eyes on in over a year at that time. My parent whom told me to go to court in the first place mind you. So NO school for me because of that and my kid is now enrolled in grade school.
After this yes I start stripping briefly under 1 year. I told my aunt I'm saving up to buy my own home and she told me repeatedly that she would take my child from me if I move. She would also ask me to share or flat out sign over custody to her semi regularly.
After 6 years total of things similar to this I finally moved across town. 90% of my family stopped speaking to me the day the moving truck came up. My grandfather died and my aunt is the only person in my family who speaks to us. Yes you read that right US. My parent stopped speaking to my kid as well. Anyway my aunt helps us when needed and is so friendly to me now. Did I mention she tried to literally fight me once. Anyway we spend the holidays and weekends together like a good family should.
Now that the background is said...my soul is literally dying here. I have no friends, strangers know my past and Richmond VA is just quite BORING after 30+ years here.
A couple of coworkers were talking yesterday while laughing at me (see post in unromantic relationships about coworkers) saying yeah I'm going to be here another 5 years before moving.... Yes they were making fun of something I said but hearing it back I realized just how long 5 years / 1/2 a decade is!
Ofcourse my kid doesn't want to leave and I haven't even thought about leaving with a kid and dog entow. Plus my aunt and parent would raise all types of drama (maybe). I just know I don't want to live with a teen in a place I don't know mostly anything about. What if the kid starts to rebel? What if the kid can't get into an IB program there? How do I even move to another state by myself? But 5 years here might kill me.
Any advice will be read and if coming from a positive place, accepted.
I'm glad your aunt is supportive of you and your child. As isolated as you feel living where you are, you are likely to feel even more isolated living far from the family support that you DO have. I would stay put, if this aunt is supportive of you and your child.
Pack up and go. Get a job in the new location. Join a church, a gym, whatever and meet new people there. Make the life for yourself you want and quite worrying about what your parents/others might think. It's your life, not theirs. You get to live it, not them.
I'm glad your aunt is supportive of you and your child. As isolated as you feel living where you are, you are likely to feel even more isolated living far from the family support that you DO have. I would stay put, if this aunt is supportive of you and your child.
I'm not understanding the part of the picture, though, where on the one hand, the aunt seems supportive, but on the other, she's threatening to take custody from the OP, if the OP dares become any more independent.
This sounds like a horribly, deeply dysfunctional family on whom the OP can count for absolutely nothing, except, perhaps, betrayal when she needs their support most Yes, at least the aunt is helping out, but the help is not unconditional. She seems to want the OP to remain under her thumb, like the other family members did, who wrote her off when she got her own place.
OP, do you even have the option of moving away, since there seems to be some court-mandated shared custody arrangement or other?
You must have incredible inner strength to manage to deal with all this. You have my sympathy.
I'm not understanding the part of the picture, though, where on the one hand, the aunt seems supportive, but on the other, she's threatening to take custody from the OP, if the OP dares become any more independent.
This sounds like a horribly, deeply dysfunctional family on whom the OP can count for absolutely nothing, except, perhaps, betrayal when she needs their support most Yes, at least the aunt is helping out, but the help is not unconditional. She seems to want the OP to remain under her thumb, like the other family members did, who wrote her off when she got her own place.
OP, do you even have the option of moving away, since there seems to be some court-mandated shared custody arrangement or other?
You must have incredible inner strength to manage to deal with all this. You have my sympathy.
I'm glad your aunt is supportive of you and your child. As isolated as you feel living where you are, you are likely to feel even more isolated living far from the family support that you DO have. I would stay put, if this aunt is supportive of you and your child.
The scared part of me agrees with you but every time I've listened to this part of me I've regretted it.
Pack up and go. Get a job in the new location. Join a church, a gym, whatever and meet new people there. Make the life for yourself you want and quite worrying about what your parents/others might think. It's your life, not theirs. You get to live it, not them.
I so want to. I just have so much to think about first. I planned to stay here another 1/2 decade until the kid went to college. Now I need to find somewhere I can afford a 2 bedroom that's safe that we would like.
I'm not understanding the part of the picture, though, where on the one hand, the aunt seems supportive, but on the other, she's threatening to take custody from the OP, if the OP dares become any more independent.
This sounds like a horribly, deeply dysfunctional family on whom the OP can count for absolutely nothing, except, perhaps, betrayal when she needs their support most Yes, at least the aunt is helping out, but the help is not unconditional. She seems to want the OP to remain under her thumb, like the other family members did, who wrote her off when she got her own place.
OP, do you even have the option of moving away, since there seems to be some court-mandated shared custody arrangement or other?
You must have incredible inner strength to manage to deal with all this. You have my sympathy.
I don't know what my opinions are legally. I would think I'm ok since it's been almost a decade since baby daddy has shown his face and over 3 years since parent has spoken to either of us.
However there is a piece of paper in VA saying stay in Richmond. But things in that situation has changed some.
What would be better for your daughter? Her needs are more important than yours at this stage. Be the best mom you can be and put her in the best possible situation available. There will be a time soon when you can concentrate on yourself but now is not that time.
Don’t be so ashamed of yourself. That’s my only advice & yeah; I’m talking about the stripping.
I’m college educated & I did it too & took it to the next level & for way longer. Let me rephrase this: Don’t be ashamed at all. Be empowered. You have what it takes to make things happen. Don’t let anyone else exploit you. Successful people exploit themselves everyday. That’s your perogative. It was yours & you took it. Now it’s time to keep moving forward.
I’m saying this intentionally. I want you to have better self esteem because you sound way too apologetic. If you want to move on up, own yourself & tell people to kick rocks.
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