Do kids call the shots now? (teenage, toddler, children, tantrum)
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IMO, the answer to the question is yes. I would venture further to say that in too many instances, the parents appear to be held hostage by their kids; they cater to their every whim, fail to teach them manners, and refuse to correct bad behavior.
IMO, the answer to the question is yes. I would venture further to say that in too many instances, the parents appear to be held hostage by their kids; they cater to their every whim, fail to teach them manners, and refuse to correct bad behavior.
Cuz it's too hard". This is kinda baffling since in the long run it is vastly easier to teach them.
Your friends aren't doing their job as parents. It's not about children "knowing their place." It's about basic manners and consideration.
And yeah, it's your friends. People I know with younger children and teens teach them manners and consideration.
BTW--what makes you think an appetizer you order at a table with multiple people is for adults only? Unless it's been stated upfront that the appetizer is only for certain people, the expectation that children cannot have it is rude as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM
Sometimes as a parent you pick your battles. For example a battle I would pick is my kid will.get us and get ready to go or not go at all, no sleeping in to make us late. A battle I wouldn't pick is asking a friend if it's ok to change restaurants. The answer can be no, my friend can cancel, but a happy kid makes a night bearable a pissy kid makes me regret even going out. It's about picking battles. I do agree about the appetizer thing, a 9 year old is capable of serving herself. I wouldn't let my 4 year old grab but he touches everything even if hes not eating it.
You may pick your battles with your kids, but IMO it's not fair to inflict those battles, or the consequences of those you don't pick on others.
To me letting a kid change dinner plans because he/she doesn't like the restaurant and to heck with how anybody else included in those plans might feel about it is just reinforcing an egocentric "my way or the highway", sense of entitlement in the kid. And doing so because you're afraid the kid will make everyone there miserable because he/she didn't get his/her own way is just the same as giving into a kid having a temper tantrum because you're embarrassed or don't want to see Wittle Tweedles unhappy, never mind the message it sends to the kid.
And 4 yr olds can be taught that it's not acceptable to put their hands all over food intended for others to share, or that he has no intention of eating.
[quote=somebodynew;55733385]This is true. And largely the point. What lesson is desired about this? Around about 5 is not a bad time to set up restaurant expectation. This is a great thing to face head on. Bring them to a HIGHLY kid friendly (and cheap) restaurant like McDonald's. Tell them the expected behavior. When they, as they almost certainly will, fail to behave as expected, you clean up the stuff, stick it in the garbage and say Oh, I guess you are not ready for restaurants yet. We will try again another time.
Off you go home.
If this is the situation, you have bigger fish to fry than going or not going to friends. If your TEEN is playing you, yah, why bring that up in a restaurant thread rather than how do I undo this **** happening with my teen?[/quote]
Well, my kids are grown...in case you're trying to make this personal. But in case you're not, I'm bringing it up because SOMETIMES kids 'play' their parents in situations where they THINK they can get away with it. And lots of times, restaurants are where they THINK they can get away with bad behavior.
Cuz it's too hard". This is kinda baffling since in the long run it is vastly easier to teach them.
And from the perspective at the other end of the kid-raising years, it's MUCH harder to live with the consequences of adult children whose upbringing (if one wants to call it that), left them narcissistic self-entitled egomaniacs who think it's ok to do anything they want to get their own way.
You may pick your battles with your kids, but IMO it's not fair to inflict those battles, or the consequences of those you don't pick on others.
To me letting a kid change dinner plans because he/she doesn't like the restaurant and to heck with how anybody else included in those plans might feel about it is just reinforcing an egocentric "my way or the highway", sense of entitlement in the kid. And doing so because you're afraid the kid will make everyone there miserable because he/she didn't get his/her own way is just the same as giving into a kid having a temper tantrum because you're embarrassed or don't want to see Wittle Tweedles unhappy, never mind the message it sends to the kid.
And 4 yr olds can be taught that it's not acceptable to put their hands all over food intended for others to share, or that he has no intention of eating.
I would much rather politely ask my friend "do you mind" and if they do ok that's not the most appropriate place for so and so. Have fun. We will try again next time. Asking someone to change plans is an acceptable way to be an adult. Taking children who aren't ready for the restaurant because the sitter cancelled and its rude to ask to change because then you are giving into every whim of your child is worse.
Teaching a 4 year old to not grab food takes time and practice. And if I tell him not to and he does anyway, I reprimand him...but he still did it. Reprimanding doesn't mean the action didn't happen. That's part of learning.
We're talking about kids. They're not adults yet. They're in the process of learning, and everyone has to start somewhere, and sometimes, it's a bumpy road getting to that civil and polite adult.
Having raised children, here's some stuff I've learned about eating out with kids. SOMETIMES kids 'play' their parents for a variety of reasons. The 'why' of it isn't really important. Just know, sometimes kids 'play' their parents.
The teen who refused to get out of bed in time, I'm going to guess that kid didn't want to go to the restaurant in the first place, but the teen is 'grounded' or some such, and CAN'T be left at home because the minute the parents pull out of the driveway, teen is on the phone with boyfriend/girlfriend, or sneaking out...etc.
See, I'm thinking that if parents COULD'VE left that teen at home, they would've been happy to do so. No one likes belligerent teens.
SOMETIMES parents DO let their kids get away with stuff that they shouldn't. Parents are so desperate for a nice meal out with friends, and the babysitter cancelled at the last minute, so you're rushing to get kids ready to go out, frazzled, and you forgot to grab some entertainment toys or coloring books or whatever, and the kids are picking up on the parents tension...and it ALL becomes a crap show, and NO ONE is having fun. It happens. I bet a similar scenario has happened to ALL parents, at least once.
My understanding of that scene was, that it was a breakfast engagement on a weekend. If the teen wanted to sleep in, the parents could have let him/her do that, without disrupting their plans. They could have simply gone on without the teen, who could have made their own breakfast at home, when ready. Why was it so important to include the teen? What "sneaking out"? Most teens hang out with friends on the weekends; it's normal. This was a non-issue that the parents for some reason turned into an occasion to delay or cancel the plans with their friends. Baffling.
My understanding of that scene was, that it was a breakfast engagement on a weekend. If the teen wanted to sleep in, the parents could have let him/her do that, without disrupting their plans. They could have simply gone on without the teen, who could have made their own breakfast at home, when ready. Why was it so important to include the teen? What "sneaking out"? Most teens hang out with friends on the weekends; it's normal. This was a non-issue that the parents for some reason turned into an occasion to delay or cancel the plans with their friends. Baffling.
I was just speculating. Just giving an example of why said teen had to be waited on. I still think the teen was trying to have a battle of wills, and didn't want to attend with parents.
IF the teen was an otherwise trustworthy person, than I too would've just left without said teen. But for some reason, parent(s) didn't seem to trust leaving the kid alone.
We had plans to meet our friends and their teenagers. Then she tells me she won’t make it on time because her daughter wanted to sleep in. When I was a teen, if I wasn’t ready, I want going.
This one is odd to me. If the teenager didn't want to get up, her parents could have -- and should have -- simply left her home and gone on their own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7
We all decide on a restaurant but then have to change it if their kids decide to go and want to eat somewhere else.
There are certain restaurants that I wouldn't take younger kids to, because I know they'd hate it and wouldn't eat anything and would be miserable. Why inflict that on them, or your friends? But this should have been brought up as part of the process of choosing a restaurant. For older kids, I see no problem with including them in the decision-making process. If their wishes get overruled, they can then decide to come anyway, or stay home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7
A friends 7 year old daughter asked me to share my food with her. Instead of my friend telling her daughter no you are getting your own food, she asked if I was ok sharing it.
I guess I'm used to sharing food with my kids, so this wouldn't have seemed out of line, provided that the child asked politely. If you didn't want to share, you could politely inform the child of that fact. The parents can then decide if they'd like to order another dish of what you're having, so their child can try it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7
We ordered appetizers for the adults and as soon as it is served, my friends 9 year old daughter puts her hand in it and takes some. They don’t say anything. Also let her kid constantly interrupt.
Appetizers, unless specifically ordered for a specific person, belong to everyone at the table. If it is finger food, then it stands to reason that the child would grab some. If it's not finger food, the girl's parents needed to correct her behavior and have her use the serving implements available.
Interrupting is annoying and should be corrected. However, it's also possible that the adults were talking so much that the child could never get in a word edgewise except by interrupting. So, I would say, it depends on the specific situation. I do not subscribe to the "children should be seen and not heard" philosophy; I believe that everyone seated at the table has an equal right to participate in the conversation of the table.
This is true. And largely the point. What lesson is desired about this? Around about 5 is not a bad time to set up restaurant expectation. This is a great thing to face head on. Bring them to a HIGHLY kid friendly (and cheap) restaurant like McDonald's. Tell them the expected behavior. When they, as they almost certainly will, fail to behave as expected, you clean up the stuff, stick it in the garbage and say Oh, I guess you are not ready for restaurants yet. We will try again another time.
Off you go home.
If this is the situation, you have bigger fish to fry than going or not going to friends. If your TEEN is playing you, yah, why bring that up in a restaurant thread rather than how do I undo this **** happening with my teen?[/quote]
Well, my kids are grown...in case you're trying to make this personal.
ONE has bigger fish to fry. Of course, no one uses that language anymore. BUt you brought up the scenario.
[quot]
But in case you're not, I'm bringing it up because SOMETIMES kids 'play' their parents in situations where they THINK they can get away with it. And lots of times, restaurants are where they THINK they can get away with bad behavior.
And I stand by my comments that 1. ONE has bigger fish to fry than restaurant manners if one cannot leave ones teenager alone lest they blow up the world. Thus it is a silly example to use in this thread. 2. There is not reason to THINK they can get away with bad behavior in restaurants unless they have experience getting away with bad behavior in restaurants or no experience at all.
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