Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I wonder how common is it for good parents who moderately discipline their kids while giving them support to end up with horrible teenagers/adults? On the level of stealing, theft, assault etc...
I have known great parents who have 1 out of 4 kids turn out pure evil and so on. Nothing they did. You can only do your best. There is a such thing as really bad people and you can't always just hang it on the parents. I can come up with plenty of examples. Usually what you'll see is the majority of their kids are excellent nice successful people and they will have one that is just plain scum and they were all raised the same. Not every human is the same. If you are a great parent, and do certain things right the chances of your kids turning out good is much much greater than if someone else raised them but......
I wonder how common is it for good parents who moderately discipline their kids while giving them support to end up with horrible teenagers/adults? On the level of stealing, theft, assault etc...
I can't think of any way to quantify that - can you?
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 19 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,356,252 times
Reputation: 5382
Most of my cousins and most of the kids I knew growing up, turned out alright as adults. None became murderers, thank God. Few struggled with mental illness and took suicide as the way out. Some are functional alcoholics although it goes back to their parents who were also functional alcoholics.
I don't know what you mean by "moderate discipline." Children need to know what the boundaries are. If you don't set them, they will test the limits as much as they feel inclined to. The recent generation of more laissez-faire discipline has resulted in a lot more boundary-testing, often to the horror of their parents, who never intended such an outcome.
In my opinion, children feel safer and more confident when they know exactly what is expected of them when it comes to behavior. Letting them learn this themselves doesn't always end well.
Yep and yep ! All kids, even the best ones, will test you and their limits, and if you let them push those limits, you lose control. I've raised two sons, now grown men, who turned out way better in every respect than I could have ever hoped for. We were "pals" (still are) did everything together, but they knew Dad spoke one time and not a second time, when I said "no". They knew there were consequences for their actions, something all of us need to know.
I think there are lots of "good parents" who aren't necessarily engaging in the type of parenting their particular child or children would most benefit from. Different kids require different approaches to nurture their positive qualities and mitigate their problematic aspects.
My one son pushed my limitations and it was I that grew into a more open minded person. He knew which battles to pick and after much debate he'd be given consent. He often proved he was right when all was said and done. Only once did he do something BEHIND my back and even bold faced lied about it. I did not need to say one word to him on that incident, he KNEW I was furious.
Seen the blue collar crime folks as well as the white collar crimes. Gotta say each are harmful....
Why is it someone can steal your purse and folks scowl, yet Let Bernie Maddoff steal your life earnings and ya have a bit more leeway in his image of not being that thug or hoodlum. I doubt any of these white collar criminals are seen as terrible in their minds....
Once the person is of age to vote, they are of age to be accountable. Parents can't take all the heat on an adult childs antics.
I think there are lots of "good parents" who aren't necessarily engaging in the type of parenting their particular child or children would most benefit from. Different kids require different approaches to nurture their positive qualities and mitigate their problematic aspects.
Absolutely, my two youngest had textbook parenting, all worked well, my oldest required commando parenting, with the help and guidance of my neighbor moms who had been through similar challenges with their children.
Expectations change from expecting good grades and college to wanting them to graduate high school somehow, some way, alive.
But we made it, she's turned into a wonderful wife and mom herself now.
Both were narcissists, my father into the Narcissistic Personality Disorder spectrum. He was the outlyer in his family of ten children. All were nice folks, all except him.
My mother was the classic type of beauty obsessed with her own beauty, although she "loved" us she was very detached. Often she would say how inconvenient it was to have children to my brother and me. Don't have children, she would say. Neither of us did.
Needless to say their marriage didn't last. Each married again, those marriages didn't last either unsurprisingly.
My father was successful in his career, never broke the law, was an active community and church member in good standing. He was a "good" person. He was a bad parent.
Same with my mother, she was awarded Volunteer of the Year many times for her work at adult alzheimers day care. She owned a home and had a distinguished career working in the West Wing of the White House for several administrations. She was a "good" person. She was not a good parent.
My brother and I were both affected negatively, my brother took it worse. He has struggled for years with a negative self-image, lack of ambition, multiple marriages, time in jail, re-hab, and other issues.
I was luckier even though as the older of the two I took the brunt of our parents resentment and destructive behavior.
What saved me was my grandparents who took a firm hand in my defense. My mother forever resented their actions, saying I was their favorite grandchild in a way that made me know she disapproved.
All this by way of saying that people can appear to be good people and not actually be good parents. That may contribute to problems adult children have that appear to be unexplainable.
It happens. There are kids who were raised properly in stable, loving homes. These kids were taught good manners and were made aware that there are consequences when it comes to misbehaving. A parent can do everything right and still have a child who goes off the rails.
OTOH, there are kids who grew up in dysfunctional homes that turn out to become fine, upstanding people.
When we have children, we don't know what genetics will come into play. Sometimes mental illness happens or the child can inherit an addictive personality.
Best answer right here. ^^^^
I've seen both. Upstanding friend (seemingly good parent along with his wife) with a "good" son and a wild child daughter who's been in and out of jail. Alcoholic mother, pot-smoking unemployed father, co-habitating, chaotic household => three daughters who (pretty much) toed the line and became productive citizens.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip
I think there are lots of "good parents" who aren't necessarily engaging in the type of parenting their particular child or children would most benefit from. Different kids require different approaches to nurture their positive qualities and mitigate their problematic aspects.
Good point. The friend I referenced above - his approach worked beautifully with the son who was a little mini-me, but blew up with the daughter. I can't help but think if they'd parented her differently than the son instead of trying to force the same mold on her, her life might have turned out different (not identical to the son's, but more positively for her).
It happens. There are kids who were raised properly in stable, loving homes. These kids were taught good manners and were made aware that there are consequences when it comes to misbehaving. A parent can do everything right and still have a child who goes off the rails.
OTOH, there are kids who grew up in dysfunctional homes that turn out to become fine, upstanding people.
When we have children, we don't know what genetics will come into play. Sometimes mental illness happens or the child can inherit an addictive personality.
I agree with everything written here.
Reflecting all life, human being is art, not science: you simply don't know how it will turn out, there are too many unpredictable, unrelated variables.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
