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My one rule was that my girls could not quit in the middle of a season if it was a team sport. You don't abandon your team mates in the middle of the season. However, If they wanted to quit at the end of the season, that was fine. They go on and find other interests.
That was our rule, if you start, you do not quit until the season is over. It worked for us.
Yeah, OP you have to let it go. A bit of a different story with some of my friends lately. We were all big soccer playing families. Well, now that the players are having their own children? I can't begin to tell you how many of their kids don't want to play. It's weird, but life goes on.
My one rule was that my girls could not quit in the middle of a season if it was a team sport. You don't abandon your team mates in the middle of the season. However, If they wanted to quit at the end of the season, that was fine. They go on and find other interests.
good rule! I think your feelings are valid & you seem self aware. I also get the worry of her not being involved in anything. That was our rule. You have to participate in something. It’ll get better. They break our hearts but we never stop loving them.
I hope your daughter is still working out and staying fit. That's more important to a good and well-balanced life, than being involved in a hard-core team sport. After all, isn't that supposed to be the purpose of athletics, to get people to be more fit and healthy? I developed more strength and condition after I stopped playing basketball and that's been a life-long benefit.
Richard Williams didn't like quitters.............Venus and Serena turned out ok! Just kidding, some people just get tired of a routine, probably would have quit sooner if you were not so into it.
I can somewhat relate. My daughter, totally on her own, decided to try out for the crew team in high school. My husband actually discouraged her because it was an exhaustive practice schedule with a year round season so he was afraid her grades would suffer. She went from being on the "second, second" boat to team captain and national champions. We attended every regatta and stayed with all the other parents from early morning to evening every weekend. We went to all the social events and hosted dinners before major regattas and attended fundraisers.
Long story short, she rowed for four years in high school and one year in college and then quit. My husband became disappointed when she gave it up and kept making suggestions for her to continue, much as you are. It seemed to make no sense since she was so accomplished. She later told me she grew to hate the sport but never showed it to us. She stayed with it because of her coach and teammates.
To our surprise, in her third year of college, she decided to run for president of her sorority. She was a shy introverted girl so deep down I was concerned about her winning. But she won and loved every minute. She told me she found her niche.
So, yes, I understand how a sport can become a big part of a parent's social life and the worry that your child will be deprived of the social belonging. But, in our case, it really did work out and she knew herself best.
No I don't think we contributed to it -- we never made it about colleges acceptances, scholarships. I did see many parents who placed that pressure on their children but my husband and I never did. I always told her she had the option of quitting and the motivation for being on the team had to come from within. The sport becomes more and more competitive as the child advances and they may be at the limit of their abilities and/or don't have the competitive mindset/mental toughness. My daughter told me she grew to hate the sport because it was physically painful and couldn't push through the pain any longer. Since I had never participated in a competitive sport, especially one as physically demanding as crew, I had no idea. Have you explored this aspect with her?
I will also tell you before crew -- in grade school, she floundered -- was never on a sport team and was in a couple of clubs but nothing long lasting. So, you can't time or predict what will stick.
We enjoyed it while it lasted it and were a little disappointed when it ended but not anywhere close to what you are experiencing.
Last edited by Maddie104; 08-24-2019 at 08:36 AM..
My daughter started playing volleyball in 5th grade. I did not know much about the sport, and ended up falling in love with it. My daughter was very good, and made the highest team in 7th, 8th, and 9th grade. We started club ball to improve her skills and get her noticed by colleges, etc- you know the drill.
It was the best few years of my life- especially the year where she played for her high school team and for club. We are huge UT Volleyball fans and so we went to games together all the time too.
Suddenly, with hardly any warning signs at all, she quit volleyball. Said she "had no more passion for it and also did not want to play in college anyway so there was no point."
At first, we thought she was having burn out and would go back. Then we thought she might become interested in beach/sand instead (she still might actually)
Then we started asking her about bullying or depression or anything outside of the actual sport we should be concerned about. None of that seemed to be present. It seemed that exactly what she said was the truth.
When volleyball season came around last year, she would block her eyes from the TV if I was watching (I still love the sport)- like she really hated it all of a sudden!
This year, she barely began to come around a tiny bit- talking about beach vb, talking about her old team mates, and she even attended the first high school game this year. At this point- her being more open and all- we said maybe she could play in a rec league for fun at least, but alas, nope.
It has been well over a year since she touched the ball. You'd think I would have gotten over it by now, but truthfully I haven't. I still meditate, pray, cry, dream, and cannot get over the heartbreak of her not playing. I understand the psychology of it is MY issue, without a doubt! No need to tell me that- this is the parenting forum!
Who has had something like this happen, and what did you do? Were there things that made you retrospectively think you contributed to it? Did you ever figure out why your kid quit? Was there anything you did to spark the interest again?
This isn't about you. It's about what she wants to do. You need a hobby. You allowed your daughter to be your hobby, your social life, and how you spent your free time and it likely contributed to her burnout.
I edited my post several times to make it not so long. One part that got edited is that she is now doing nothing. Well, I mean, she works, and she loves the gym and goes everyday. Also her grades are good. Logically, I realize I have nothing to worry about.
She did try out for one of the dance teams (didn't make it), and is now in theatre class, so fingers crossed that one sticks!
So, she works, goes to the gym everyday, and is doing well keeping up with her school work. She also tried out for dance team, even if she didn't make it, and is doing the theatre class, which I imagine will be working on doing some kind of production.
I’ve thought about what you’ve shared and it seems you’re viewing it as a loss, and you’re grieving the loss of seeing your daughter compete, maybe the social aspect of attending games, loving what she did. That’s pretty realistic and the feeling should lessen and pass. Loss takes many forms and we don’t always realize how attached we are.
Agree with the replies that say daughter is doing other things regularly. She’s not doing nothing.
You sound like a devoted mom, and if you were there for her sports while working 2 jobs, maybe use the extra time now to do something for yourself (as others have already suggested).
It has been well over a year since she touched the ball. You'd think I would have gotten over it by now, but truthfully I haven't. I still meditate, pray, cry, dream, and cannot get over the heartbreak of her not playing. I understand the psychology of it is MY issue, without a doubt! No need to tell me that- this is the parenting forum!
Who has had something like this happen, and what did you do? Were there things that made you retrospectively think you contributed to it? Did you ever figure out why your kid quit? Was there anything you did to spark the interest again?
Your thread title is "Should I let go of volleyball?" YES
You are grieving almost the same or even worse than people grieve the loss of a loved one. Or a horribly traumatic experience.
Your daughter simply gave up a sport.
It's possible you won't get over it until a real life tragedy happens, unfortunately. I hope your daughter isn't aware of how you feel.
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