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That right there is the problem. Not only is way too early for you to try and dictate to him when he can and can't play, but you don't have a lot of knowledge about video games because you never played. When I first met my girlfriend and we started dating, she made a comment the first time she came to my condo and saw my PS4 hooked up to my TV. "Oh great, so you enjoy rotting your brain out with video games? Awesome. " Nothing I said at the time would get her to open her mind to it. I'd tell her how gaming improves a person's response and reaction time, increases critical thinking, and you can make some new friends if you play games online.
She would hit back with responses like, "you can play a game of basketball with friends outside which is better," or, "it's been proven that giving a 2 year old a tablet and having them watch and play games all day is bad for them." (The last one was just plain silly, as I would never give me 2 year old a tablet and have them glued to it all day anyways, though I saw her point.) All of my responses were taken with a grain of salt, as she was prepared with generated responses for each one. She then told me if I move in, the PS4 can come, but I can't buy a Nintendo Switch like I was planning to. Her reason was because I would take it everywhere since you can turn it into a portable system. We went out for breakfast one day, and I finally began to get through to her. She pointed to a family eating and playing, you guessed it, a Nintendo Switch at their table.
"See what I mean?! That's gonna be you if you get one of those stupid things!", she said. I laughed and said, "Babe, look at their son getting maple syrup all over the system. My anxiety and OCD is going through the roof just looking at that! In fact, I want to go over there and wipe the system down and take it away from him! Do you really think someone as clean, neat, and organized as me, as well as being so anal with my systems that they look brand new, would really bring my Switch to an environment like this? Better yet, do you really see me bringing it to the beach so it can get all sandy, or somewhere where it could get dropped/damaged? It'll be plugged in on the docking station to my TV."
She finally saw my point. She also noticed as time went on that I didn't game as much as she thought. The icing on the cake was her best friend and fiance owning a Switch themselves, and telling her how much fun they have playing together when she tried shutting me down again one night when we all got together. Needless to say, I now live with her, own a Switch, and whenever I fire up the PS4, she pops into the man cave and goes, "Are you playing that Disney game with the Japanese guys, Kingdom Hearts? If you are, I wanna watch. This is a really cool concept." I really don't think you should worry as much. He sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders and does well in school. If anything, talk to his father if you're concerned. It's still too early for you to intervene and it might push him away.
I let my husband 'parent' mostly & I take a step back. My husband travels a lot for work though so sometimes it's just me and my stepson so in those instances I am left to 'parent.'
I don't interfere with the games. I would love to hang out with him on nights when my husband is away but he usually just shuts himself in his bedroom to game. I am mostly concerned about the future and how can we make sure that in college it doesn't become a further issue.
But I do hope that what you said, he will be busy there won't be a lot of time for it anyway.
I am really totally clueless as to how to raise children. For real. I never wanted any b/c I am not 'motherly' … & also I work a lot so having a baby would be really tough. Teens can be easier to a degree b/c he doesn't need my help 24/7 and has a key and lets himself into the house, has a bike & is independent.
The holidays are either way … we will do family date night once a week and he will be on his game in the car on the way to the place, AT the place during dinner and in the car on the way home. My husband allows it. If it were my son biologically, I would not.
Talk to your husband if it makes you feel disrespected, and see if you can't come to some sort of agreement.
I have talked to my adult son about the fact that I do not like him staying on his phone constantly during dinner or if we have set aside a specific time for visiting. I will say that it's a process and not something that will change immediately, I still sometimes need to remind my son, he gets a little sheepish and puts the phone away.
This will probably be an unpopular opinion but I also believe that as a step parent you should have the ability to deal with some of these issues yourself, after talking with your husband. I don't fall in with the line of thinking that says only the bio parent ever has the right to say something to the child. If what your stepson does makes you feel disrespected then you should have that conversation, dad shouldn't need to always be a buffer between the two of you. Not specifically you either, all step parent situations IMO.
I do get the concern about college, but at 16 I don't think you have the time to reshape him, lol. Either he'll be responsible about it or he won't and there are a lot of kids that struggle hard with that in their first year. Failure is a learning opportunity. Start now with making him responsible for getting himself up in the mornings.
The holidays are either way … we will do family date night once a week and he will be on his game in the car on the way to the place, AT the place during dinner and in the car on the way home. My husband allows it. If it were my son biologically, I would not.
It's pretty rude to have your device out at the table. I assume you and hubby are already keeping your phones switched off to model good behavior. Dinner tables are for eating and conversation and a device embargo at the restaurant would be reasonable.
Talk to your husband if it makes you feel disrespected, and see if you can't come to some sort of agreement.
I have talked to my adult son about the fact that I do not like him staying on his phone constantly during dinner or if we have set aside a specific time for visiting. I will say that it's a process and not something that will change immediately, I still sometimes need to remind my son, he gets a little sheepish and puts the phone away.
This will probably be an unpopular opinion but I also believe that as a step parent you should have the ability to deal with some of these issues yourself, after talking with your husband. I don't fall in with the line of thinking that says only the bio parent ever has the right to say something to the child. If what your stepson does makes you feel disrespected then you should have that conversation, dad shouldn't need to always be a buffer between the two of you. Not specifically you either, all step parent situations IMO.
I do get the concern about college, but at 16 I don't think you have the time to reshape him, lol. Either he'll be responsible about it or he won't and there are a lot of kids that struggle hard with that in their first year. Failure is a learning opportunity. Start now with making him responsible for getting himself up in the mornings.
it's not so much disrespect … it is just that that is the only time he will really 'hang out with us' … so I would love to take that time to talk about school and the day and just whatever in general. He is 'at dinner' but he really isn't 'at dinner' if you know what I mean … and I really care about him and do take an interest in his life … but he doesn't tell us too much … mostly b/c other than school and clubs and time with friends, he is in his room gaming.
He does get himself up in the mornings. For a while I was waking him everyday, but now he has gotten better about it. I just want to make sure we get him into a constant routine of getting himself up & being responsible.
I let my husband 'parent' mostly & I take a step back. My husband travels a lot for work though so sometimes it's just me and my stepson so in those instances I am left to 'parent.'
I don't interfere with the games. I would love to hang out with him on nights when my husband is away but he usually just shuts himself in his bedroom to game. I am mostly concerned about the future and how can we make sure that in college it doesn't become a further issue.
But I do hope that what you said, he will be busy there won't be a lot of time for it anyway.
I am really totally clueless as to how to raise children. For real. I never wanted any b/c I am not 'motherly' … & also I work a lot so having a baby would be really tough. Teens can be easier to a degree b/c he doesn't need my help 24/7 and has a key and lets himself into the house, has a bike & is independent.
I can understand that. If Dad is away on business then yes, you'd have to be a parent. I think you need to learn more about how raising children works, especially teens. He's in a phase where he's going to want to try new things, start discovering who he is, and may abandon things he used to love as a kid, but may feel he's too "grown up" for it now. If he gets a job before graduating high school, that will change him too. College is definitely going to pay a factor. He'll soon find out that he doesn't have the same kind of time he had in his high school days. Why don't you try seeing if he wants to do something fun, just the two of you?
Find out more about what he likes. Maybe go to the movies together, or ask him what the two of you can do together. Maybe even try to play a game with him! I'm sure he has to have a few multiplayer games you two can play.
it's not so much disrespect … it is just that that is the only time he will really 'hang out with us' … so I would love to take that time to talk about school and the day and just whatever in general. He is 'at dinner' but he really isn't 'at dinner' if you know what I mean … and I really care about him and do take an interest in his life … but he doesn't tell us too much … mostly b/c other than school and clubs and time with friends, he is in his room gaming.
He does get himself up in the mornings. For a while I was waking him everyday, but now he has gotten better about it. I just want to make sure we get him into a constant routine of getting himself up & being responsible.
He's sixteen, and he lives in a house with a woman he barely knows (this is you). He is uncomfortable being alone with you, he is uncomfortable talking to you, you took his mothers place... There are some things we will never understand about each other, mostly because we are are not able to express the fears and concerns we have without feeling weak or flawed.
If you want to be part of his world maybe you could express an interest in the things he does (gaming, playing an instrument, whatever). When my son was younger I learned more about Pokemon than any grown man should ever know, but it was what he loved at the time, so I learned about it so we could have common ground.
I can understand that. If Dad is away on business then yes, you'd have to be a parent. I think you need to learn more about how raising children works, especially teens. He's in a phase where he's going to want to try new things, start discovering who he is, and may abandon things he used to love as a kid, but may feel he's too "grown up" for it now. If he gets a job before graduating high school, that will change him too. College is definitely going to pay a factor. He'll soon find out that he doesn't have the same kind of time he had in his high school days. Why don't you try seeing if he wants to do something fun, just the two of you?
Find out more about what he likes. Maybe go to the movies together, or ask him what the two of you can do together. Maybe even try to play a game with him! I'm sure he has to have a few multiplayer games you two can play.
I would love that.
I'm going to ask him if he would. My husband & I do things together and we ask him to come and most of the time he doesn't want to come … so I am hoping he would do something with me, but it might be tough … I mean I understand … 'would you rather spend time with your parents or would you rather play a video game?' … most teens who game will pick the game.
Overall, I am just a concerned (step)parent wanting to make sure we are doing the right thing so he can have the best life & future possible.
Video games first became popular in 1975 with the release of home PONG and were huge in the early 1980s with the golden age of arcades and the Atari 2600's and competitors' heyday.
So there are now people in their 50s that have been playing video games since they were young children. Gen X and later have grown up in a world with video games. They are now marketing some video games to Boomers and earlier generations as well. There are full-grown adults such as myself whose parents grew up with video games.
Today, video games are just another form of entertainment like movies and TV. The idea that video games are for children/youth went away in the 1990s, when more adult oriented games started coming out, and video games in general became more complex and narrative driven with increasing technology. The time-scale makes sense; by the 1990s, the first generation of people who grew up on video games were in their 20s and were looking for richer, more complex, and in many cases more mature fare than they had as kids. Of course, children continued to be a core part of the market. Nintendo in particular has gone after the children's and older adult market, though they still target the "traditional" age market as well, and get plenty of people, now full-grown adults, who have had Nintendo video games since they were small children.
This.
I still enjoy a platformer or older style game, but I prefer more mature games and stories. I'll probably always play to some degree.
I know families that interact in their gaming.
That is, they play at the same game individually and together.
This inter-family competition is lite and fun and challenging and bonding as well.
All the kids (8) are in their teens and 20s and seem to get along famously. their parents are well connected have good open conversation.
I was a bit late getting into computers much less games. but we often played games together of all sorts.
as for age I dno't think it maters , I think what matters is that the kids are interactive.
For fun my son and I learned fencing at the local parks and recreation, it was great and I miss the fun we had.
I have some favorite computer games but haven't played them in years now,( windows 98) It's OK I have plenty to do.
Gaming solo is an escape, but in that, reality can be ignored and troubles can occur. I had been captured my self, I know how it can be.
Bottom line I think, is that if you can make the gaming a family affair, and discipline the activity (time allotted) it might tend to do more good than harm.
I'm going to ask him if he would. My husband & I do things together and we ask him to come and most of the time he doesn't want to come … so I am hoping he would do something with me, but it might be tough … I mean I understand … 'would you rather spend time with your parents or would you rather play a video game?' … most teens who game will pick the game.
Overall, I am just a concerned (step)parent wanting to make sure we are doing the right thing so he can have the best life & future possible.
There you go! Of course you're concerned, that's what parents do LOL. And yeah, they'll usually pick the game over going somewhere with their parents if they don't have to. Try to think back when you were a teen. I'm sure you went through phases yourself, we all do. Part of life. And even if he doesn't want to play or doesn't have any multiplayer games, the fact that you're showing interest will mean a lot to him. Just don't force it; let it happen organically. Put the ball in his court by doing this next time at dinner, or when you're able to converse with him:
"How's the game you're currently playing? Is it fun?" After he replies, tell him, "I've been curious about some of these games and would love to play one. Do you have a game you think I may like, or one we could play together? Maybe you can teach me?"
Bam! Ball is in his court, and now it's up to him in terms of what he is going to say. Does he like superheroes or fantasy? Or maybe an action film? See if he likes a few of the same movies you do. Or see if he'd down to see a move one day. Or see if he has a favorite TV show you could watch with him. Of course, make sure he's cool with it. Don't shoehorn it. Doesn't hurt to try.
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" Nothing I said at the time would get her to open her mind to it. I'd tell her how gaming improves a person's response and reaction time, increases critical thinking, and you can make some new friends if you play games online. 
