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Old 10-19-2019, 12:58 AM
 
4,356 posts, read 1,909,223 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WouldLoveTo View Post
This sounds like a lot of work for a kid. I loved to read. If my parents had done this to me, I would have stopped reading to avoid this.
If my daughter was using reading to avoid others, I would take an interest in what she was getting out of reading and check to see if she can apply it in social settings.

But a child who reads and has normal interactions with others, it probably is not necessary to do that work. The point is that a parent who worries about their child being a loner, should not ignore that concern. But forcing children to have more friends should not be the answer to that concern.
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Old 10-19-2019, 04:32 AM
 
Location: Tarheel State Till January
966 posts, read 276,989 times
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I had very few friends growing up, even less now. I have never been social, it is simply how I am. I mostly played with my cousins & brother as a child. Despite 4,500+ 'Facebook friends', I only know my relatives and a couple of others. I can engage with people but my preference is keeping to myself. It's not hurt me any, I think I have done well enough in life - no substance abuse issues, though I do feel depressed from time to time. I have my fiance, my cats, and his dogs. They're pretty good company.
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Old 10-19-2019, 08:42 AM
 
1,478 posts, read 476,335 times
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Your son could have a non-verbal learning disability (on the autism spectrum) where he misses social clues.

If his school has a social worker, I would contact that person. I would also find a child therapists with a group therapy for children at this age. The therapist moderates group interaction to children who miss social clues. At least this person could tell you if he has a serious problem or he is just quiet.

This will become a more serious problem when employed.
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Old 10-19-2019, 08:46 AM
 
1,478 posts, read 476,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by texan2yankee View Post
I watched a new interview/documentary the other day of Bill Gates. He was a loner, preferring to voraciously read books alone in his room to interacting with peers or family.

Bill's parents consistently set up social experiences for him. for example, as a middle schooler, they gave young Bill the responsibility of being a greeter at their speaking events, invited their adult friends and their children to week long vacations every year filled with competitive games and communal meals, etc.

Bill's sister said if Bill had not been put into social situations at a young age, he wouldn't be the very successful man he is today. she credited her mother for creatively working social skills into Bill's young life.
I know someone who interviewed Bill Gates many decades ago.

He rocked back and forth through the interview. Definitely, autistic. An unsettling experience for my friend.
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Old 10-19-2019, 09:32 AM
Status: "beach bum" (set 3 days ago)
 
Location: NMB, SC
2,167 posts, read 546,051 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
I know someone who interviewed Bill Gates many decades ago.

He rocked back and forth through the interview. Definitely, autistic. An unsettling experience for my friend.
Not necessarily "autistic". Introverts have a hard time dealing with public speaking.

Here's an article where Gates said he envied Steve Jobs because Jobs could talk to the public with ease whereas Gates had to work on it to get better.



https://www.cnbc.com/2019/09/12/stev...-the-most.html
The former Microsoft CEO talks about how he’s had to work hard to become a better public speaker throughout his career and admits that public speaking was one area where Jobs easily had him beat, according to the interview, published on Tuesday to promote the new Netflix documentary on Gates’ life and career that premieres on Sept. 20.
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Old 10-19-2019, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,965 posts, read 8,305,286 times
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By your own admission you are both introverts, and that's perfectly fine. It's in his DNA. Your son sounds perfectly happy. Why worry? Worry about him if he's an introvert married to an extrovert on steroids like me. My husband is an introvert and my social life is very hard on him. He retreats to his computer room for hours after I've exhausted his social side. I feel sorry for him. He once asked me why I had to have so many friends and why couldn't it be just the two of us. Oh yikes no. I told him that he wasn't enough for me and I will always have a lot of friends. He accepted it, and I accept that he needs down time. Sometimes he disappears for a short while when too many people are in the house, and I accept that he needs his space when it's overwhelming. I can't change the way his DNA made him just as he can't change the fact that I'm an extrovert.

Your son will be just fine and he will find a special friend again. Just let him be who he was born to be. There are worse things like my neighbor's shortie that won't eat anything healthy. She lives on pasta, white bread, chocolate donuts, white rice, and chicken nuggets from McDonalds. She's pudgy, is inactive, and not doing well in school. That's one to worry about, not your son.
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Old 10-19-2019, 10:27 AM
 
1,478 posts, read 476,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TMSRetired View Post
Not necessarily "autistic". Introverts have a hard time dealing with public speaking.

Here's an article where Gates said he envied Steve Jobs because Jobs could talk to the public with ease whereas Gates had to work on it to get better.



https://www.cnbc.com/2019/09/12/stev...-the-most.html
The former Microsoft CEO talks about how he’s had to work hard to become a better public speaker throughout his career and admits that public speaking was one area where Jobs easily had him beat, according to the interview, published on Tuesday to promote the new Netflix documentary on Gates’ life and career that premieres on Sept. 20.
Rocking is an autistic behavior.

I am willing to bet Gates' public relations team and lawyers were all over the doc. Any positive article your read about famous people is not the whole truth - usually they are heavily scripted. By lawyers.
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Old 10-19-2019, 10:41 AM
 
2,098 posts, read 1,371,833 times
Reputation: 10200
Why not ask your son if he would like to join activities to try to meet some other people with similar interests? Why not ask him if he feels lonely at school or wishes he had friends to do things with? Instead of trying to separately orchestrate socialization for him, find out what he actually wants and figure out together how to make that happen.

There's nothing wrong with being introverted or a loner. It doesn't mean the person has a disorder. Of course, they could, but enjoying alone time is not something that needs a cure.
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Old 10-19-2019, 11:26 AM
 
2,741 posts, read 4,572,063 times
Reputation: 1963
Quote:
Originally Posted by DairyGodmother View Post
So, I'm wondering what any of you know about children who are loners, who isolate themselves. Since he was quite little, he has often had one friend at a time, and his best friend from grade 1 through 4 just moved to another state (crappy luck!). So now here he is, alone in 5th grade. His teacher says in a structured environment he does engage with kids in class, but is alone at recess, preferring to play basketball by himself. We've barely had 'playdates'....a few over the years...

In and of itself it doesn't sound like a problem, his dad and I are both introverts who prefer a couple of friends to a crowd. But at the same time, we both had playground pals and are just worried about this.

Thoughts? is this just more helicoptering over a snowflake or is this preventing front page news in a decade?
Sign him up for more basketball (there is usually a winter session). The 2 practices and game each week may make him some friends on the team. Also, take him to basketball games/ watch on TV, so he will have more to talk about with kids at school.
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Old 10-19-2019, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Austin
12,955 posts, read 7,391,348 times
Reputation: 14524
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
I know someone who interviewed Bill Gates many decades ago.

He rocked back and forth through the interview. Definitely, autistic. An unsettling experience for my friend.
we don't know if gates is autistic, but we do know he developed enough people skills in his young life to found a company, make that company very successful, marry, have children, and become one of the largest philanthropic donors in America.

thank goodness being born autistic or an introvert doesn't preclude a child from being a successful adult, personally or professionally.
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