Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Now be a BIG Girl and take responsibility for marrying and living with someone that clueless. You think you're going to 'change him' at this age? The best you can do is calm down, swallow your pride and anger, explain to your husband the issues. Kids of divorced or single parents at a young age also grow up resentful, with confusing ques. There's your other issue too.
And a step parent has to work that much harder to earn that 'soft power'... hard power as in what you did there doesn't work anymore.
And a 16 yr male teen going to a sweet 16 party? He probably doesn't even want to go.
I explained. he apologized. i apologized. he explained to ss who apologized and said it wont happen again. Husband didnt see the problem when i explained he did see the issue and addressed it.
SS is VERY excited about the party. He had a whole outfit coordinated in his head.
Clothing is not the hill I'm going to die on with my kids. And PJ pants are not that different from sweats, leggings, running pants, etc. Plus, if he wears them to a party and gets laughed at, that's on him.
And I'm sorry, but "chill" would barely register on my insult-o-meter. So maybe your husband is not "clueless" but rather has a different opinion on what constitutes disrespect.
If *you* want to improve how he communicates with *you* then you are free to discuss what is ok and what is not, and model that behavior in your own communication.
He was wearing plaid pajamas. If it was sweats or basketball shorts or sweat shorts or whatever i would not have said anything. But plaid pajamas are not acceptable public clothing. He is wearing black real pants, a white button down with small black polka dots and grey suspenders and bow tie to his party. because he knows how to dress nicely when he wants. but i wont take him shopping and dinner in plaid pajamas.
I DO consider a teenager telling me, his parent, to chill as disrespectful. When i explained to my husband he understood. His cluelessness wasnt on the chill part it was on the pajamas are or arent pants part. and they arent. despite his insistence that "pajama pants" have the word "pants" in the name and therefore are pants.
While i 100% agree with most of the answers, that i could definitely have addressed this better and i will try and remember in the future...flies with honey and all that, i dont think its unreasonable to set an expectation of children of any age to wear clothing that is appropriate when we go in public and to speak to me and their father with respect.
So first, I'm 32 and my stepson is almost 16. I'm young enough that I remember being a crabby teenager but I grew up in the south with strict family and while I was wild and dumb I was not allowed to be disrespectful.
Today we are supposed to take SS to shop for sweet 16 party at the mall. I come home with my kindergartener to find SS wearing pajamas making a bowl of ice cream, we are supposed to be leaving. I point to his plaid pajama pants (in an effort to not say outloud in front of him) because I want to ask my husband if he changed since I wont take him to the mall in plaid pjs. My husband (clearly clueless) is like what, what are pointing at. So I say SS is wearing pjs and making ice cream i thought we were going to the mall. He says hes been wearing them all day. Well pjs arent pants and I'm not taking him in public wearing them. To which SS replies I'm gonna change chill you dont gotta get an attitude as he walks out of the room with his ice cream.
This made me really mad. I'm not a friend of his to be told to "chill". I'm getting very frustrated with him telling me to chill or saying not to get an attitude with him. Am I wrong for thinking that's not an appropriate way to speak to a parental figure, or at the very least, an adult?
Ever watched Gilmore Girls? My wife does, and even I picked up on this archetype from Luke's nephew that he's supposed going to get to "shape up" by living with him. Doesn't really work out. Only solution is off to college and out of the house... 2 more years... or there's military school!
Teenagers are horrid, and it's an escalating problem.
I'd have to ask; How attached to your relationship with your husband are you? Does it work, or, is he domineering?
Just questions that need to be asked.
To answer the question as to whether you are the problem; To him, you may well be.
I dont think that's a question that needs to be asked at all really. But as he is my husband its probably safe to say I'm attached to our relationship. Like I said we all apologized.
Why wasn't your husband the one taking him shopping for the party?
We were all going together. Me, husband, ss and ds. Because we are a family. And we do things together. As it happens DH went with sons by himself because I was having a tantrum haha
I kinda think pointing to a person and talking about them to someone else right in front of them is rather confrontational. How about directly talking to your SS in a reasonable tone and saying, "Hey, are we still going to the mall? You have to change into other pants please."
Of course people should be polite no matter what the family dynamic. Everyone. You are perfectly able to ask your SS a question without his father's involvement... just like any acquaintance would, right?
This. Was there a set time he knew you were leaving and he missed the deadline-- like "we are out the door at 2:00" and it was 2 or after when you came in and he wasn't ready? Did he know otherwise exactly what time you were arriving and that you'd be expecting to leave immediately, or did he think he had time to eat some ice cream and change beforehand? Why not just say "Hey, are you ready to go/are we going?" instead of just pointing at him and expecting everyone in the room to read your mind? Why not ask him why he had on PJ pants instead of expecting your husband to know?
Yes, he was disrespectful, but other than what he said/his attitude, without additional information, I'm not sure I see his behavior (not having changed yet and eating ice cream) as "wrong."
"You're right, I need to chill. We'll go tomorrow, if I've chilled out by then."
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The best you can do is calm down, swallow your pride and anger, explain to your husband the issues. Kids of divorced or single parents at a young age also grow up resentful, with confusing ques. There's your other issue too. 
