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Old 10-24-2019, 01:44 PM
 
4,445 posts, read 4,060,162 times
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Wow. That's kind of weird, to have that kind of a turnaround in a 16 year old. I agree with the "expectations" sit down - but do it at a quiet time, not when you notice she's not doing her share.
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Old 10-24-2019, 02:05 PM
 
10,443 posts, read 14,102,918 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
16 year old got her first job at McDonalds, we were excited for her and told her how proud we were for her to start her first job. Gladly offered to give rides since she does great in school, and does chores around the house.

She instantly developed an attitude, and stopped doing 50% of her chores. When asked why she didn't bring the trash out, we got a nasty response.

Given the change in tides, I feel maybe she is too immature to have a job, and maybe she can find her own ride, or ride her bike, or have to quit ...

this isn't the first time she has went on these attitude swings.


we get the impression she feels like she's an "adult" now and doesn't need us now, and doesn't need to listen or do chores because she's going to have her own money now ...


thoughts ? Shes 16, has hasn't started drivers ed, and doesn't have her permit. McDonalds is 9 miles away ...
I hope she has a good, solid bike.
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Old 10-24-2019, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Between Heaven And Hell.
11,480 posts, read 7,752,760 times
Reputation: 14744
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
16 year old got her first job at McDonalds, we were excited for her and told her how proud we were for her to start her first job. Gladly offered to give rides since she does great in school, and does chores around the house.

She instantly developed an attitude, and stopped doing 50% of her chores. When asked why she didn't bring the trash out, we got a nasty response.

Given the change in tides, I feel maybe she is too immature to have a job, and maybe she can find her own ride, or ride her bike, or have to quit ...

this isn't the first time she has went on these attitude swings.


we get the impression she feels like she's an "adult" now and doesn't need us now, and doesn't need to listen or do chores because she's going to have her own money now ...


thoughts ? Shes 16, has hasn't started drivers ed, and doesn't have her permit. McDonalds is 9 miles away ...
When have been the other times? It could help.
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Old 10-24-2019, 04:33 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
6,119 posts, read 2,722,942 times
Reputation: 19294
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
16 year old got her first job at McDonalds, we were excited for her and told her how proud we were for her to start her first job. Gladly offered to give rides since she does great in school, and does chores around the house.

She instantly developed an attitude, and stopped doing 50% of her chores. When asked why she didn't bring the trash out, we got a nasty response.

Given the change in tides, I feel maybe she is too immature to have a job, and maybe she can find her own ride, or ride her bike, or have to quit ...

this isn't the first time she has went on these attitude swings.


we get the impression she feels like she's an "adult" now and doesn't need us now, and doesn't need to listen or do chores because she's going to have her own money now ...


thoughts ? Shes 16, has hasn't started drivers ed, and doesn't have her permit. McDonalds is 9 miles away ...
Been there done that with twins.

And yes, part of it is them managing to become extremely impressed with themselves for being so 'adult-ish'.

Another part of it was because I didn't allow them to get their DL at 16, so it increased the dramatic flair of being able to flounce around & say 'Well IF I had a CAR ...'

'Yeah? I worked at 16 & I didn't have a driver's license until I was 18 & I rode the BUS, so; you're welcome!
'

That, along with just not showing up to pick them up until they apologized worked well. Now they are 18, both in college & still working. One has her DL but the other does not yet; by choice. She attends a university in a highly-walkable city.

The one who did get her DL paid for everything herself. Bought her own car & pays us her insurance (we put her on ours), buys her own gas, etc & it is SO much more peaceful now!
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Old 10-24-2019, 04:46 PM
 
12,884 posts, read 5,174,012 times
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Well, you say she was slacking her chores before she got hired.

She might be feeling overwhelmed.

We don't require adults to behave like they're in good moods all the time, or make them cooperate with every expectation.

Why teenagers?

Don't make her ride her bike in the dark, 9 miles. That could turn out disastrously. And don't make her beg others for rides, either. Same possible outcome.
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Old 10-24-2019, 06:38 PM
 
Location: under the beautiful Carolina blue
17,546 posts, read 27,015,348 times
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Kids often act this way when they are anxious and overwhelmed. Do you want her to have a job? If so how do you expect her to get there? If not, or you don't care one way or another, then have a talk with her about the job and whether it's impacting her ability to manage her time properly. In that respect she may be too immature. My daughter got a job last year at 14 but there's been a lot of complaining about it lately and I know the only reason she got the job in the first place is there was a bunch of stuff she wanted to buy. Now she's gotten it so she wants to move on. She's heading into her two sports seasons and the job is somewhat seasonal anyway so she's got to cut back on her hours anyway.

Remember your 16 year old is not an adult, they are still battling between adulthood and childhood. She still needs your help and guidance even when she's a pain in the ass to live with.
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Old 10-24-2019, 09:13 PM
 
1,126 posts, read 318,002 times
Reputation: 2762
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
Are those 9 miles safe to walk, both in terms of weather and availability of sidewalks.
That's like a 3 hour walk to work. Ain't no 16 year old (or even most people of any age) doing that no matter the weather or sidewalks.
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Old 10-25-2019, 04:33 AM
 
13,090 posts, read 10,449,179 times
Reputation: 10173
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
16 year old got her first job at McDonalds, we were excited for her and told her how proud we were for her to start her first job. Gladly offered to give rides since she does great in school, and does chores around the house.

She instantly developed an attitude, and stopped doing 50% of her chores. When asked why she didn't bring the trash out, we got a nasty response.

Given the change in tides, I feel maybe she is too immature to have a job, and maybe she can find her own ride, or ride her bike, or have to quit ...

this isn't the first time she has went on these attitude swings.


we get the impression she feels like she's an "adult" now and doesn't need us now, and doesn't need to listen or do chores because she's going to have her own money now ...


thoughts ? Shes 16, has hasn't started drivers ed, and doesn't have her permit. McDonalds is 9 miles away ...
Make one more attempt to discuss this politely with her and work something out. If this is impossible, then you’ll have to figure something else out, depending on the cause of the confrontationality. Possibly you need a family therapist or perhaps you just need to stop doing things for her that she can do herself. Not knowing her personally, it is hard to say.
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Old 10-25-2019, 09:57 AM
 
19,707 posts, read 21,802,221 times
Reputation: 29624
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
Yes, attitude started after she was hired, before her first day of actual work.

The chores were slacking before she even starting work as well ...
Could be she’s scared of the unknowns. New job. Most likely her manager is a dik, and she has to deal with a persons attitude that she probably never had to deal with before.
It could be stressful. If she never had a job previously

What you need to do is sit down and talk to her. Be supportive of her job and tell her it’s a stepping stone. Everyone should work for a bosshole boss. This way you know how it feels so when you become a boss you don’t become a bosshole yourself.
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Old 10-25-2019, 11:54 AM
 
7,642 posts, read 4,239,984 times
Reputation: 15907
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
16 year old got her first job at McDonalds, we were excited for her and told her how proud we were for her to start her first job. Gladly offered to give rides since she does great in school, and does chores around the house.

She instantly developed an attitude, and stopped doing 50% of her chores. When asked why she didn't bring the trash out, we got a nasty response.

Given the change in tides, I feel maybe she is too immature to have a job, and maybe she can find her own ride, or ride her bike, or have to quit ...

this isn't the first time she has went on these attitude swings.


we get the impression she feels like she's an "adult" now and doesn't need us now, and doesn't need to listen or do chores because she's going to have her own money now ...


thoughts ? Shes 16, has hasn't started drivers ed, and doesn't have her permit. McDonalds is 9 miles away ...
9 miles is too far to bicycle to work round trip, IMO. Esp since she does shift work. Too dangerous.

Give her some slack, but have a talk w/her about her attitude. She's 16! She's having hormones surging thru her body and hasn't learned how to deal with grumpiness yet. Help her learn how to push through a bad mood, or sulk in private instead of unload on other people. Explain how she can express her disagreement nicely w/o being rude or grumpy. Or how to not respond right away, rather than respond harshly.

Having a job will HELP her grow up, IMO. If she's rude at work, they'll fire her.

Give it some time.

I had a job at a burger joint when I was 16 or 17. My mother wasn't involved at all. I rode a bicycle there (it was my younger sister's - only 2 feet tall, and I had to pedal twice as much because the wheels were so small; I looked ridiculous on it). It taught me to work, be on time, work with coworkers. And I had spending money. But my job was only about 4 miles away. 9 miles would have been too far to bike safely.

It's admirable your daughter got a job.
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