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Old 10-28-2019, 12:28 PM
 
48 posts, read 7,944 times
Reputation: 63

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I'm so confused ... I always hear about how parents let their teenagers run the household, and ignore all the rules ..


Now I tried some basic rules, and asked to be treated normal, like not being yelled at, the teenager didn't listen, and now I'm the horrible parent ?


So I should be like all the "COOL" parents, and smoke pot with them,, let them have friends over and get drunk ... give them money so they don't have to work, be a cool parent with no rules ??
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Old 10-28-2019, 12:31 PM
 
12,878 posts, read 5,174,012 times
Reputation: 31216
Is her dad in the picture?

You do, sincerely, sound terribly confused, I'll agree with that.

It's as if you just got this girl as a 16 year old stepdaughter. Is that the case?
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Old 10-28-2019, 12:34 PM
 
1,269 posts, read 478,159 times
Reputation: 3977
I don't think you are a bad parent, but you shot yourself in the foot this time.

And you MUST understand that there are options between letting your kids run the house and providing them with booze/pot.

*sigh* I doubt anything we tell you will be heard.
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Old 10-28-2019, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,272 posts, read 44,614,535 times
Reputation: 90509
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post

Now I tried some basic rules, and asked to be treated normal, like not being yelled at, the teenager didn't listen, and now I'm the horrible parent ?


So I should be like all the "COOL" parents, and smoke pot with them,, let them have friends over and get drunk ... give them money so they don't have to work, be a cool parent with no rules ??
Oh stop. No one has suggested that.

How did you enforce the rules? Did she take out the trash?

A job is not a perk to be taken away as a punishment. It's not like concert tickets or a night out with friends. That's where your "parenting" fell by the wayside. As payback for slamming doors, you didn't enforce good work habits and just let her fail at the one thing she really shouldn't fail at - work.

The job should be happening regardless of her attitude at home because 1) it will get her out of the house so she can't be a jack*ss around you, and 2) it will teach her some basic life lessons about hard work that parents can't always teach.

Please answer these:

Again, are there no jobs closer to home than 9 miles?
Once she gets her license, would she have access to a car?
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Old 10-28-2019, 12:39 PM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
4,069 posts, read 1,857,037 times
Reputation: 5271
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
This thread is distressing.

I hope your daughter has relationships with other adults who are supportive of her - maybe a grandma or special uncle?
If the OP's family is anything like mine, then I doubt it. When I was a teenager, I literally didn't trust anyone over 30. Heck, make that "over 20". I'll be smirking when the OP posts 2 years from now about how her daughter cut her out of her life, and refuses to talk or visit.
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Old 10-28-2019, 02:57 PM
 
13,338 posts, read 21,384,885 times
Reputation: 36465
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
I'm so confused ... I always hear about how parents let their teenagers run the household, and ignore all the rules ..


Now I tried some basic rules, and asked to be treated normal, like not being yelled at, the teenager didn't listen, and now I'm the horrible parent ?


So I should be like all the "COOL" parents, and smoke pot with them,, let them have friends over and get drunk ... give them money so they don't have to work, be a cool parent with no rules ??
I sense, and understand your frustration. I wonder if you gave the ok for your daughter to accept a job 9 miles away from home knowing the transportation back and forth would fall on you? I remember when my own kids took part-time jobs before they could drive, and even though none of them were quite as far, it was a nuisance to stop what I was doing to either drop them off or pick them up.

A certain amount of parental taxiing is part and parcel of having kids. But a part-time job doesn't fall into that IMO. Unless, and this makes a difference, you signed on for the transportation before she took the job. Being fired from McDonald's will not ruin her chances of getting another job. But it needs to be a job that doesn't impact your life as this one has. If she's mature enough to handle work and school, she's mature enough to understand why her next job can't be allowed to affect the entire household.
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Old 10-28-2019, 03:22 PM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,478 posts, read 5,173,158 times
Reputation: 3595
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
I'm so confused ... I always hear about how parents let their teenagers run the household, and ignore all the rules ..


Now I tried some basic rules, and asked to be treated normal, like not being yelled at, the teenager didn't listen, and now I'm the horrible parent ?


So I should be like all the "COOL" parents, and smoke pot with them,, let them have friends over and get drunk ... give them money so they don't have to work, be a cool parent with no rules ??
There are a million miles between getting her fired from her job and smoking pot with her.

You ignoring her and forcing her to lose her job are the equivalent of slamming doors. Grow up.
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Old 10-28-2019, 03:45 PM
 
48 posts, read 7,944 times
Reputation: 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
I sense, and understand your frustration. I wonder if you gave the ok for your daughter to accept a job 9 miles away from home knowing the transportation back and forth would fall on you? I remember when my own kids took part-time jobs before they could drive, and even though none of them were quite as far, it was a nuisance to stop what I was doing to either drop them off or pick them up.

A certain amount of parental taxiing is part and parcel of having kids. But a part-time job doesn't fall into that IMO. Unless, and this makes a difference, you signed on for the transportation before she took the job. Being fired from McDonald's will not ruin her chances of getting another job. But it needs to be a job that doesn't impact your life as this one has. If she's mature enough to handle work and school, she's mature enough to understand why her next job can't be allowed to affect the entire household.
I didn't even know she was applying for jobs .... but when she said she had an interview, it was all celebration and compliments.

then mentioning how she's doing such a good job around the house, both attitude wise, and chores, we happily agreed to give rides ... then the storm came .. .. .
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Old 10-28-2019, 03:47 PM
 
48 posts, read 7,944 times
Reputation: 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Oh stop. No one has suggested that.

How did you enforce the rules? Did she take out the trash?

A job is not a perk to be taken away as a punishment. It's not like concert tickets or a night out with friends. That's where your "parenting" fell by the wayside. As payback for slamming doors, you didn't enforce good work habits and just let her fail at the one thing she really shouldn't fail at - work.

The job should be happening regardless of her attitude at home because 1) it will get her out of the house so she can't be a jack*ss around you, and 2) it will teach her some basic life lessons about hard work that parents can't always teach.

Please answer these:

Again, are there no jobs closer to home than 9 miles?
Once she gets her license, would she have access to a car?
Yes Subway, about 2 miles

no she has to save for her own car.. .
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Old 10-28-2019, 06:13 PM
 
12,878 posts, read 5,174,012 times
Reputation: 31216
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
Yes Subway, about 2 miles

no she has to save for her own car.. .
Sounds like you're going to be driving her to work for the next couple years, then. Takes awhile to save up, with a minimum wage part time job to buy a reliable car.
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