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Old 10-28-2019, 06:35 PM
 
Location: planet earth
6,030 posts, read 2,365,100 times
Reputation: 13495

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The parent was not in the wrong - did nothing wrong. The daughter accepted a job nine miles away and then gave the parent attitude. She is not "entitled" to be chauffeured around at her whim.

Stop shaming the parent for doing what she thought was right.

Lots of kids take jobs and their grades fall.

This kid does not sound responsible enough to work yet.

Let this be a lesson to her - get a job close by - have a good attitude, keep your end of the dal up - help around the house, don't let your grades slip, etc.

And for everyone who missed it: The kid has a subway to access if need be.
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Old 10-28-2019, 06:41 PM
 
12,795 posts, read 5,121,780 times
Reputation: 31082
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
The parent was not in the wrong - did nothing wrong. The daughter accepted a job nine miles away and then gave the parent attitude. She is not "entitled" to be chauffeured around at her whim.

Stop shaming the parent for doing what she thought was right.

Lots of kids take jobs and their grades fall.

This kid does not sound responsible enough to work yet.

Let this be a lesson to her - get a job close by - have a good attitude, keep your end of the dal up - help around the house, don't let your grades slip, etc.

And for everyone who missed it: The kid has a subway to access if need be.
Subway is a sandwich shop.
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Old 10-28-2019, 06:57 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,165 posts, read 44,502,910 times
Reputation: 90260
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post

and for everyone who missed it: The kid has a subway to access if need be.
lol
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Old 10-29-2019, 11:22 AM
 
1,478 posts, read 474,296 times
Reputation: 3255
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
Whelp nope, she'll be moving out the day she turns 18, or sooner.

She can see how slamming doors, screaming, yelling, freaking out works out for her in real life.
She can't move out before 18- its illegal.

A high school diploma is worthless. She needs a college degree - even a two year community college is better than nothing. A minimum wage income isn't enough for a car or car insurance. You'll need to provide them.

Your objective should be college planning and begin touring colleges.
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Old 10-29-2019, 11:31 AM
 
12,795 posts, read 5,121,780 times
Reputation: 31082
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
She can't move out before 18- its illegal.

A high school diploma is worthless. She needs a college degree - even a two year community college is better than nothing. A minimum wage income isn't enough for a car or car insurance. You'll need to provide them.

Your objective should be college planning and begin touring colleges.
Certainly she can move out before she's 18, if everyone is in agreement.

Mom can't kick her out and refuse to support her, and she can't move out and run away against the parents wishes (except in Texas, where 17 is when a person becomes an adult).
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Old 10-29-2019, 11:32 AM
 
1,245 posts, read 467,321 times
Reputation: 3927
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
She can't move out before 18- its illegal.

A high school diploma is worthless. She needs a college degree - even a two year community college is better than nothing. A minimum wage income isn't enough for a car or car insurance. You'll need to provide them.

Your objective should be college planning and begin touring colleges.
Eh, it's not necessarily illegal. Nor do kids need a college degree, nor are all parents on the hook to provide teens with a car and insurance. There has been a huge push locally to enroll more youth in trades that bring in some really good money (think plumbers, repairmen, etc.).

The best bet at this point is just to try to get on the same page and smooth over any friction that this incident caused. Honestly, living with a cranky teen is the pits!

Last edited by gus2; 10-29-2019 at 11:33 AM.. Reason: ETA: ClaraC beat me to it! :)
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Old 10-29-2019, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
936 posts, read 215,094 times
Reputation: 1017
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
I'm so confused ... I always hear about how parents let their teenagers run the household, and ignore all the rules ..


Now I tried some basic rules, and asked to be treated normal, like not being yelled at, the teenager didn't listen, and now I'm the horrible parent ?


So I should be like all the "COOL" parents, and smoke pot with them,, let them have friends over and get drunk ... give them money so they don't have to work, be a cool parent with no rules ??



Oh for Christ's sake, grow up! No one here said that. After reading your posts, I fail to believe your daughter just magically started to act like a jerk, especially if you guys congratulated her on the job interview. She's a teenager! Puberty, and hormonal changes, peer pressure in school, relationships, looking down the road to college, and much more is enough to stress a teen out. OK, so she has some chores to do, seems normal. But she wanted a job because like most people including myself when I was 16, I wanted some spending money so I didn't have to rely on my Dad all the time. He was a single parent as it was and I knew I needed to get a job after school if I wanted to buy those new pair of jeans or video game I saw in the store. If she was giving you attitude, you should have waited until she cooled down, sat with her, and asked her what is going on and get to the root of the problem.


Maybe she was stressed about juggling school, chores, and a job, all while making sure her assignments get handed in and her grades don't slip, and she can still see her friends. You ignorantly refusing her to drive her to a job that is too far for her to talk to doesn't help. If anything, she will begin to resent you. Keep it up as the years go by, and she will be getting a job for one goal and one goal only: to save up for her own place so she can get the hell away from you as fast she can. Let's see you still try to have that "oh well" attitude then. Honestly, I think there is more to the story that you aren't telling us.
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Old 10-29-2019, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
936 posts, read 215,094 times
Reputation: 1017
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
If the OP's family is anything like mine, then I doubt it. When I was a teenager, I literally didn't trust anyone over 30. Heck, make that "over 20". I'll be smirking when the OP posts 2 years from now about how her daughter cut her out of her life, and refuses to talk or visit.



I'll be right there with you. Shall I bring us some popcorn?
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Old 10-29-2019, 06:44 PM
 
1,478 posts, read 474,296 times
Reputation: 3255
Quote:
Originally Posted by gus2 View Post
Eh, it's not necessarily illegal. Nor do kids need a college degree, nor are all parents on the hook to provide teens with a car and insurance. There has been a huge push locally to enroll more youth in trades that bring in some really good money (think plumbers, repairmen, etc.).
Emancipation is the process of a parent giving up control over a minor child so that the child has control over his own legal decisions and support. In New York, a parent must financially support his/her child until age 21 unless the child becomes emancipated.

A child can be emancipated if he/she is over the age of 16 has a job as the main source of income or a child is in the military or is married.

https://www.lawny.org/node/9/emancipation-new-york

You're right - parents don't have to provide a car or insurance. However, this kid can not walk out of high school and support herself.

I've hired many tradesmen - plumbers, appliance repairmen, roofers, tile people, etc. I've never had a woman tradesperson. Is this because of the heavy lifting required? Is it harder for women to be hired by small business? I don't know.
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Old 10-29-2019, 06:49 PM
 
1,757 posts, read 1,453,427 times
Reputation: 1514
Default Did you raise ..

Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
16 year old got her first job at McDonalds, we were excited for her and told her how proud we were for her to start her first job. Gladly offered to give rides since she does great in school, and does chores around the house.

She instantly developed an attitude, and stopped doing 50% of her chores. When asked why she didn't bring the trash out, we got a nasty response.

Given the change in tides, I feel maybe she is too immature to have a job, and maybe she can find her own ride, or ride her bike, or have to quit ...

this isn't the first time she has went on these attitude swings.


we get the impression she feels like she's an "adult" now and doesn't need us now, and doesn't need to listen or do chores because she's going to have her own money now ...


thoughts ? Shes 16, has hasn't started drivers ed, and doesn't have her permit. McDonalds is 9 miles away ...



..a mean girl? Must have.
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