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Old 10-24-2019, 08:38 AM
 
48 posts, read 7,747 times
Reputation: 63

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16 year old got her first job at McDonalds, we were excited for her and told her how proud we were for her to start her first job. Gladly offered to give rides since she does great in school, and does chores around the house.

She instantly developed an attitude, and stopped doing 50% of her chores. When asked why she didn't bring the trash out, we got a nasty response.

Given the change in tides, I feel maybe she is too immature to have a job, and maybe she can find her own ride, or ride her bike, or have to quit ...

this isn't the first time she has went on these attitude swings.


we get the impression she feels like she's an "adult" now and doesn't need us now, and doesn't need to listen or do chores because she's going to have her own money now ...


thoughts ? Shes 16, has hasn't started drivers ed, and doesn't have her permit. McDonalds is 9 miles away ...
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Old 10-24-2019, 08:44 AM
 
8,227 posts, read 3,004,212 times
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I'd set her down and have a talk with her. Tell her this is her first, last, and only warning, that if attitude doesn't adjust real fast, she can find her own way to work.


And tell her she's still responsible for her chores, just as before. She's a member of the family, and must contribute to the family as she did before she got a job.
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Old 10-24-2019, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,477 posts, read 5,169,082 times
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Ask her what's going on. 16 is a hard age and she's taken on additional responsibility. Calmly point out the expectations at home that aren't being met, and ask her what's going on. I don't agree with letting kids of any age act disrespectfully, or walk all over their parents. But I think talking before immediately punishing gets better results. She's not a fully grown adult yet and they're not in control of their emotions. It's still your job to teach her how to deal with and behave in the world.
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Old 10-24-2019, 10:25 AM
 
1,245 posts, read 468,712 times
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She may also have trouble balancing the extra obligations. Talk to her, outline expectations and consequences, and see how it goes.
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Old 10-24-2019, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,179 posts, read 44,516,010 times
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She needs the job, and you need to get her there. Don't forbid it. That's cutting off her nose to spite her face.

I don't understand the part about why she developed an attitude. Was it in response to your congratulations? To getting a job?

She needs to be more independent. Get her in driver's ed, and get her on the process of getting the permit.
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Old 10-24-2019, 11:10 AM
 
8,227 posts, read 3,004,212 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
She needs the job, and you need to get her there. Don't forbid it. That's cutting off her nose to spite her face.

I don't understand the part about why she developed an attitude. Was it in response to your congratulations? To getting a job?

She needs to be more independent. Get her in driver's ed, and get her on the process of getting the permit.

I think OP meant that the attitude started right away, after getting the job. Not necessarily in response to the congratulations.
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Old 10-24-2019, 11:48 AM
 
48 posts, read 7,747 times
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Yes, attitude started after she was hired, before her first day of actual work.

The chores were slacking before she even starting work as well ...
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Old 10-24-2019, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,179 posts, read 44,516,010 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
Yes, attitude started after she was hired, before her first day of actual work.

The chores were slacking before she even starting work as well ...
Teens don't usually jump out of bed and commence with their chores while singing, like a Disney character.

You just need to be patient and consistent through the teen years, remind her that working people still have to keep things clean at home, and focus on guiding her through the steps necessary to be a functioning, independent adult.
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Old 10-24-2019, 11:53 AM
 
Location: planet earth
6,031 posts, read 2,367,919 times
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I would sit her down and have a talk with her about how this is going to go . . .

Tell her she must continue to do well in school and complete her chores without acting out.

. . . That you will drive her to and from work as long as her attitude is good and she is taking care of all of her business.

. . . That if there are any problems, she either has to quit, or if you decide to allow her to continue the job, that she has to ride the bus or whatever.

P.S. That's kind of a long commute for a teenager without transportation - it seems like it will become a headache.

Last edited by nobodysbusiness; 10-24-2019 at 12:46 PM..
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Old 10-24-2019, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
4,051 posts, read 1,847,097 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
16 year old got her first job at McDonalds, we were excited for her and told her how proud we were for her to start her first job. Gladly offered to give rides since she does great in school, and does chores around the house.
...
thoughts ? Shes 16, has hasn't started drivers ed, and doesn't have her permit. McDonalds is 9 miles away ...
Rescind the rides: that's a perfect natural consequence.

By the way, how's the area where you live? Are those 9 miles safe to walk, both in terms of weather and availability of sidewalks. Can your daughter ride the city buses? How's the bus schedule in term of frequency and operating hours?

When I had my first job, my parents offered to give me rides, but I refused. I always had an independent streak, and getting to work on my own was no different. My parents bought me a bus pass for the first month, since I technically didn't have a wage income yet, but after that, I bought my own monthly bus passes, and also pitched in for groceries, at least enough to repay the bus pass they bought. Then again, I was lucky to live in a suburb with a halfway decent bus system.

Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 10-24-2019 at 01:01 PM..
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