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Old 12-03-2019, 08:53 AM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
6,114 posts, read 2,710,710 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clawsondude View Post
Can you explain what you mean by this?


There are plenty of countries and cultures where children do not experience Santa growing up, and it is fine. I won't deny your personal feelings though. Also, I am not the arbiter of what my children believe, but I do feel guilty for encouraging belief in something that isn't true because it goes against my values. This isn't about controlling belief, it is about encouraging belief based on logic, reason, and truth.
Overrated. They have the rest of their life to contend with grown-up 'logic, reason, and truth'; can't you shoulder that burden for them for a while?

These years will be gone before you know it.
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Old 12-03-2019, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
6,793 posts, read 8,213,142 times
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Literally millions of children grew up believing in Santa. I've yet to meet a child or adult that have long term trust issues because of believing in Santa or was permanently traumatized when they learned Santa wasn't real.

As far as your concern for your child being "crushed" when he discovers Santa is not real, he will get over it and can even help create the magic for his younger sibling. One part of parenting is helping our children learn to be resilient and learn to deal with disappointment.

Sometimes the best way to parent is to just let things happen and let your children be children. (coming from a former helicopter mom).
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Old 12-03-2019, 08:55 AM
 
6,497 posts, read 1,331,861 times
Reputation: 2628
Quote:
Originally Posted by BBCjunkie View Post
Lying is lying, no matter the rationale or who does it, and I don't like it. Period.
Problem with this point is that you could apply to people using aliases for on-line accounts, such as this forum. I guess there are "different shades of lying" in that regard.
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Old 12-03-2019, 09:01 AM
 
4,567 posts, read 3,078,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clawsondude View Post
I get this and agree with it. However, I am concerned about disappointment stemming from someone they trust lying to them. I realize we created the issue and I regret it.
But mommy and daddy being Santa is about love and fun and giving, all positive things. It's make believe for little ones and the rite of passage when a child reaches the age where they figure it out. Then they become part of the magic, holding the secret and keep the tradition going for the younger ones.
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Old 12-03-2019, 09:13 AM
 
759 posts, read 202,498 times
Reputation: 824
It’s fine. Most kids grew up believing in Santa and the Easter bunny. It’s a way to make life fun for kids. I actually would question a parent who be so lame as to deprive their kids of Santa, Easter bunny. I’m a realist now but I don’t want my 5 year old to be one yet.
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Old 12-03-2019, 09:16 AM
 
58 posts, read 13,918 times
Reputation: 191
Quote:
Originally Posted by clawsondude View Post
Can you explain what you mean by this?

but I do feel guilty for encouraging belief in something that isn't true because it goes against my values.
In the first place stop feeling guilty, you've mentioned this in multiple posts now and at some point guilt becomes self-indulgent. So take that little logical mental whisk broom and sweep that guilt away. As you say, you are not the arbiter of what your son believes.

How were your values formed? The atheism and if not disapproval then slight removal from Western culture? It seems political theory influenced your determination to raise your children with what are essentially political values.

True there are some few countries that don't have Santa Claus but Europe, Africa, North/Central/South America, Australia, New Zealand, Scandinavia, Russia, India, Japan, even parts of China do.

Western culture has been spread around the world and has influenced the world.

For a child in one of the non Santa countries not to believe in Santa is one thing. But in countries that do, a child who doesn't get the experience of believing in Santa due to well-meaning but misguided parents is very isolating and sad. Take it from one who knows.

Another reason for you to let go of your guilt.
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Old 12-03-2019, 09:28 AM
 
1,302 posts, read 748,923 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyandPearl View Post
How were your values formed? The atheism and if not disapproval then slight removal from Western culture? It seems political theory influenced your determination to raise your children with what are essentially political values.
I'm honestly not quite sure what you are saying here. If you are suggesting that atheists don't have moral values then you are incorrect. Atheism is not a belief system, it simply tells you one thing about me.
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Old 12-03-2019, 09:43 AM
 
58 posts, read 13,918 times
Reputation: 191
Clawsondude I don't understand your confusion. Nowhere did I mention lack of morals. So let's not get stuck there.

You seem to be a sincere well-meaning person who loves his son and cares deeply about his family.

But guilt and self-doubt can be debilitating and unproductive. In the words of a (fictional) Snow Queen who isn't real but who children love, let it go.

No one can predict the future, you don't know how your son will react when he knows the secret. But he will rise to the occasion and so will you. Have faith.

And lighten up, it's Christmas. Take a cue from your son and enjoy the beauty and yes the magic of the season.

Cheers
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Old 12-03-2019, 09:55 AM
 
1,302 posts, read 748,923 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyandPearl View Post
But guilt and self-doubt can be debilitating and unproductive. In the words of a (fictional) Snow Queen who isn't real but who children love, let it go.
I agree they can be debilitating and unproductive, but not always. We should feel guilty when we commit a wrong, and the productive thing to do is to seek to correct it. Yes, I may be blowing this out of proportion, but as I've stated, it's inconsistent with the values we are trying to instill in our children and I regret starting it. Oh how I wish I could go back in time and treat Santa as a fun fictional character from the beginning.


Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyandPearl View Post
And lighten up, it's Christmas. Take a cue from your son and enjoy the beauty and yes the magic of the season.
I love the season, it's my favorite time of the year. Except for the strand of lights that already went out in my front yard. I'm pretty annoyed by that
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Old 12-03-2019, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Frisco, TX
1,570 posts, read 722,673 times
Reputation: 2555
I don’t think it’s harmful. I actually do think parents perpetuate the Santa Claus longer than they should. Children figure it out on their own or at school.
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