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I grew up in a family with three children. One piece of advice my mom gave me is to only have two children. She said she loves all of us dearly, and wouldn't have given any of us up for the world, but that the third child is the tipping point of making life drastically harder. She said that juggling two children and their schedules would have been much easier than three...fitting in the third was where all the problems came.
I have three children, daughters. My first has disabilities and I wanted the third so the second would have a "normal" sibling (I am sure there are all kinds of wacky reasons....)
I tell younger moms the economic and practical realities: with three, one child does not have a lap to be comforted and as parents you only have two sets of arms. When we had two and one came with an oxygen tank it was already exhausting. A house with four bedrooms puts you into a whole big economic picture. your kids can't do as many sports or music activities and camp schedules conflict. You can't get a table in a restaurant as quickly. You can't get the older kids into one hotel room. It's harder to get sitters. It's all more expensive. Basically everything costs 25% more.
I come from a family of three, with three more adopted, total six. I think my relationships with my siblings helped make me who I am. My kids never had a brother, which I regret--but we made up for it by frequent contact with boy cousins, encouraging "boys can be friends" starting as early as pre-school, and just generally encouraging them to have boys as buddies. In the end it is an emotional decision but think about your kids, too.
We've got 3 and spreading them out works for us - 25, 20, and 12. It's only something YOU can decide. That said, remember the words of a wise friend who has 4 kids..."Your first child is a gift from God. Your second child is a joy. Your third child will bring a strong man to his knees." Good Luck!
Thank you so much everyone for your input. I have spent so much time thinking about this and talking about it with my husband. He wants to go ahead with a vasectomy because he feels that God has given us what we can handle with our two boys. They run us in circles and when I really stop to think about it I have to agree with him. Staying at home with them full time is hard & adding a third just seems insane right now. I know I could pursuade him to have one more without a big fight but I also know that he is not 100% on board so I feel we should just count our blessings and be thankful for the two beautiful children we have been given. We just went away on a weekend vacation and we had such a great time because we felt that we had finally made it to the point where we can get out and do things and it isn't a complete circus. We had FUN!! The four of us just seemed so right as a little family and I am now at peace with the decision to keep it this way!!
Baby #3, #4 and #5 were "surprises", or as DH says "oopsies". Our 3rd was born when our youngest at the time was in kindergarten. #1 and #5 are 12 years apart. I wouldn't trade any of them for a million bucks. Although if I had known I was going to have that many kids I would have had them closer together. The kids are all very close and have alot of fun when we are all together. Cannot imagine not having a large family. Our oldest is a girl, the rest were boys, unfortunately #3 died in infancy.(SIDS)
[quote=Winter01;3618568]Thank you so much everyone for your input. I have spent so much time thinking about this and talking about it with my husband. He wants to go ahead with a vasectomy because he feels that God has given us what we can handle with our two boys.
I would wait on the vasectomy.
When I was 26 I had my second child and really wanted that to be it. I had a boy and a girl and thought life was perfect. I asked my doctor to tie my tubes. He said that he would never tie the tubes of a 26 yr old. He told my that if I wanted him to do it when I was 36 he would.
Three years later my husband left me. Three years after that, I remarried. My second husband had never had children and said it was okay if I didn't want any more. Honestly, I didn't want to start over but watching him be a fantastic step dad changed my mind. I felt it was almost a crime for this man to not have one of his own. At 35 I had my third child. I now have a freshman in college. a soph. in high school and a first grader!
I wouldn't change a thing and I am so glad that I listened to my doctor. Don't do anything permenant for a few years.
i wanted three. He wanted two and refused to have 3. i had twins my second pregnancy so i got my way. But like you i knew they had to be close together, or i would have stopped, kids get too easy and civilized once they hit 4 or 5, and i knew i didn't want to go back to the exhaustion of infants and toddlers once life started getting breezy again.
my thoughts reading your letter? if you have a great support system, as in family, caregivers, people who can help LOTS with care for the kids and family demands so you get a break as parents, then go for it. If you are an isolated family where everything falls to you, or you and the dad, it could be a strain if you are already and exhausted and having doubts.
Best wishes. I love my 3, but those first 3-4 years of toddlers and infants and no sleep and exhaustion and no support from the family were an absolute black hole of hell for me.
They run us in circles and when I really stop to think about it I have to agree with him. Staying at home with them full time is hard & adding a third just seems insane right now. he is not 100% on board so I feel we should just count our blessings and be thankful for the two beautiful children we have been given. We just went away on a weekend vacation and we had such a great time because we felt that we had finally made it to the point where we can get out and do things and it isn't a complete circus. We had FUN!! The four of us just seemed so right as a little family and I am now at peace with the decision to keep it this way!!
there's your answer right there, enjoy your hubby and your wonderful family, yes quality of life for all is something to be treasured, cherished, and preserved
also having both partners on board is huge and a MUST since both are so severely and drastically affected and impacted. Good for you both on your decisions about family life!
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