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Old 04-20-2008, 05:11 PM
 
6,061 posts, read 13,807,076 times
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My sister and her ex-boyfriend have a beautiful 12 month old girl. Unfortunately, my sister is having a very hard time "moving on" since her breakup with her now ex-boyfriend and every time he tries to arrange a visit to see his daughter, my sister has created a scene and made him and their little girl very upset and stressed out. My sister screams and yells and says all kinds of things...

This has led her ex-boyfriend to choose to simply not try to even see his daughter, simply because he feels the scene that my sister creates is not good for their little girl to experience, and also wastes a lot of his time. He is working two jobs in order to pay my sisters rent, pay her child support, and other things for my sister (she doesn't even have a job) and he really doesn't have a lot of time. What little time he does have he would like to spend with his daughter, but my sister is making it hard for him.

Anyway - my question... is there such a thing as a safe location where estranged parents may drop off children in order to "switch-off"... for example - my sister would drop off their daughter at a safe location (like a police station or fire station, perhaps?) and then my sisters ex-boyfriend would pick her up from that safe location? This would make it much easier for him to spend time with his daughter, so that he wouldn't have to deal with my sisters screaming and yelling and all-around acting-out sort of antics.

Also - if anyone knows of a good support network for fathers, I would love to be able to pass this information along to my sisters ex-boyfriend. I know it seems strange that I would feel worse for my sisters boyfriend than I would for my own sister... but in this situation, I really feel my sister is being awful and not doing whats best for her daughter - she's only trying to make things as bad as she can for her ex-boyfriend. She's trying to make him look really bad so she can try to get as much money out of him as possible when they go to court. it's a really bad situation and it is awful having to sit back and do nothing while my niece, who just turned one, is caught in the middle. It's just so sad.
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Old 04-20-2008, 05:33 PM
 
Location: Dunwoody,GA
2,105 posts, read 5,071,977 times
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I would suggest someone other than your sister or her ex handling the pick-up/drop-off. Could you do it for her if you're in the area? It is definitely not a good idea for the child to witness all the drama.
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Old 04-20-2008, 05:39 PM
 
6,061 posts, read 13,807,076 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CMMom View Post
I would suggest someone other than your sister or her ex handling the pick-up/drop-off. Could you do it for her if you're in the area? It is definitely not a good idea for the child to witness all the drama.
I so wish I could... they are in Texas and I am in Oregon. My mother really is the only other person in my sisters life who could help her with this, but my mother is also part of the problem - she's taking my sisters side and encouraging this sort of behavior. (My mother is a very bitter person.)
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Old 04-20-2008, 05:41 PM
 
Location: southern california
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children are used as hostages for adults to get what they want.
remember the sugar and spice and everything nice?
where did that come from?
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Old 04-20-2008, 08:04 PM
 
6,584 posts, read 23,677,229 times
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There is such a place in Dallas, but I can't remember the name of it.
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Old 04-20-2008, 10:41 PM
 
Location: Chicago
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Police, etc aren't equiped to handle this. Really, a neutral adult that they know would be the only real answer. Maybe just having them meet at a neutral location would help the screaming? McDonalds is a popular handing off point. Or, even just hiring a babysitter or someone to do it?

I would also encourage her to get some therapy. She really needs to work on her issues.

Is this a legal custody order? I hate to get the courts involved but is she's really manipulating the situation then they may need to be.
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Old 04-21-2008, 08:20 AM
 
3,087 posts, read 6,974,569 times
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This indeed needs to be addressed by a court order, which in turn will establish a neutral drop off situation. In many instances this will be a social services office if the parents can't work out something with their family members first.
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Old 04-21-2008, 09:09 AM
 
Location: USA
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Just reading the thread, I get the distinct impression the poor little girl would be better off with her Father!
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Old 04-23-2008, 02:30 AM
 
Location: The mountians of Northern California.
1,354 posts, read 5,961,217 times
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Having a neutral party would be a good solution. I hope the father goes to court and addresses the situation. Our area has an organization that helps people with many issues including domestic violence, parenting classes, court advocates, etc. They help people with safe drop offs also. I wonder if there is an organization in the ex's area that can help him. He certainly needs to see his child and develop a strong bond. Maybe an internet search of his city will lead to some help. Even if he finds domestic violence organizations, he should call and explain his situation and see if they can direct him to help.
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Old 04-24-2008, 12:11 PM
 
6,061 posts, read 13,807,076 times
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Thank you all for your suggestions... My sister is doing her best to try to make her ex-boyfriend out to seem like a horrible irresponsible father. He isn't. She is just very upset that he chose to leave the relationship. His aunt is helping him to afford a second apartment (he was living out of his car because he was paying my sisters rent so that his daughter would not be homeless) so as soon as he gets set up in his new apartment he is going to file for custody and hopefully then things for my niece will go better...

My sister is usually a smart, sweet person but she has trouble with relationships. She is just acting out because she is hurting. She loved this guy and he didn't love her back. She became pregnant and he tried to do what was right by staying with her and being there for her and their daughter, he gave it a year and a half... but he just didn't love my sister back and also didn't like dealing with my sisters demands and insecurities. She can be very controlling, mostly with the men she dates, and this has led to many breakups in her relationships. The common reason or complaint that the guys give for leaving is that they couldn't breath or even take a pee without her having something to do with it... this latest ex-boyfriend would even have to either come home or call her and talk to her throughout his entire lunch or dinner break so that she knew he wasn't cheating on her or doing anything that she didn't know about. Sad, huh?

Anyway - thank you all for listening and for offering up your suggestions. I do appreciate it. I feel very helpless being so far away, but even if I were close I don't know that I would be able to help much.
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