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Old 12-10-2019, 10:42 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post
Thats not true.


Laws vary from state to state. If you decide to parent your child you probably have that right. If you dont, you better sign your rights away because in 5 years when they divorce which they will, she will come after you for support.

That's not likely. In most states, if not all, the courts recognize that the parent who's BEEN providing for the child, IS responsible for the child, regardless if he's the bio father or not. Many men have been burned, when they find out they're not the bio dad, but thought they were, and then they want to walk away from the child and the marriage, etc.


But in this case, the married man WANTS to support this child.


IF bio dad wants to be a part of this child's life, than he needs to stake his claim now. And a lot will be contingent on who's name goes on the birth certificate as the father. (Working on the assumption this is happening in the USA. If not the USA...well, never mind. I have no idea how it works somewhere else.
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Old 12-10-2019, 10:55 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
23,355 posts, read 22,560,303 times
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Google:

Quote:
The Legal Presumption of Paternity



Until officially declared otherwise, a man is deemed to be a child’s legal father if he is married to the mother at the time of the child’s birth, or if his name is registered on the child’s birth certificate. Additionally, for child maintenance purposes, if the mother has named a man as father but he has disputed paternity, the CSA is allowed to presume that he is the father if he chose not to provide DNA samples to prove his contention.
https://fnf.org.uk/law-information-2.../paternity-law

https://www.infolaw.co.uk/partners/l...e-your-rights/

Looks like unless she names him on the BC and both her and her husband agree he will not have any parental rights.

As far as attending the labor and birth OP are you planning on just sitting in the waiting room at the hospital? Unless it is in the UK and hospitals are very different than the US no way are you getting to go back in the labor and delivery area.
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Old 12-10-2019, 11:10 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
81,042 posts, read 74,209,345 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dazzler09 View Post
Thank you for your reply I agree this is a good option and I should consider this massively.

Do you think I should attend labour?
OP, you said in your OP that you don't want anything more to do with her, as "she is evil". If that's really true, why are you asking if you should attend labor, enforce your paternal rights, and so on? If you truly want nothing more to do with her, then walk away, and stay away. Try to put it all behind you, as if it were a bad dream. Would you really want to force yourself on a couple that has made amends, and wants to raise the child in an intact family?

Would it be in the best interests of the child, to have someone trying to crash the gate, demanding access, and introducing turmoil into the family scenario? Why would you do that: because you can? Because the law may give you the right to? Are you sure she named you as the father on the specific document? She may not have. There's no way to exercise your parental rights without dealing with her, and you said you wanted nothing more to do with her, so........

Would it be painful for you to give up and walk away? Yes, But it would be even more painful for you to battle it out with the two parents, facing a constant struggle and major chronic flack from them, to get access to your child, even if the court orders they give you access. Think about it; every month (or whatever interval), you'd have to put up with whatever they choose to throw at you, when you go to pick up your child, or they drop him/her off at an agreed-upon meeting place, whatever the arrangement is. Do you want that level of chronic aggravation in your life? Do you think it will be worth it, so you can play "dad" to a child whose mother doesn't want you in her life?

I'm not sure what's motivating you exactly, but I think you need to think the whole thing through some more.
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Old 12-10-2019, 11:20 AM
 
9,695 posts, read 9,690,602 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dazzler09 View Post
Good evening,

Right by the name of the title you will all probably judge me as I shouldn’t be going anywhere near a married women which I totally agree with now, so please hear me out.

I met a girl at my work place we clicked instantly, I knew she was taken and at the time I was in a relationship also. It became to much for us both so we started sneaking off together after work and meeting pretty regular. I really did fall for this girl she has a son who I haven’t met by the way and as I perviously stated she is married. Anyway cut the long story short, I broke up with my girlfriend as I didn’t wanna betray her anymore as she deserves so much better than me and to this day now I feel so so guilty and probably deserve what’s coming. Around March time she fell pregnant (married women) at first we didn’t know who the father was as she still was sleeping with her fella but she told him it was his child, and for 7 months he believed this was his. About 2-3 months ago we got a prenatal paternity test done and the results came back as I’m the biological father and at the time me and her was delighted. We started planning our future together and how she was gonna break up from him etc etc. They actually did separate and lived apart and this was my green light so I left the flat I was in, went back home to my parents to save money and clear some debts and also changed my job as it wasn’t paying enough .... so few months down the line she tells him the truth about everything the affair the pregnancy everything, and honestly I cannot believe this, after he took it all in he still wants to stay together with her after all the lies and cheating and carrying another mans baby and letting to think it’s his when he told his whole family just don’t understand. And now she is telling me she wants the same and wants absolutely nothing to do with me. Also telling I cannot meet her for the MAT B1 form so I can give to work and this is from her words ... “I’m sick of the lying and I believe it’s not appropriate to meet” .... excuse me after everything we been through, all I asked for was a copy of the form so I can support you and baby. I cannot believe this and I’m in this mess this is what you get for crossing the line but still It’s pretty heartbreaking and disgusting by her, she led me on all this time for over one year we was seeing each other and now we are having a child and he will be bringing up my daughter and also he has told me I can’t go to the her house as he wants me no where near his son which I totally get but it’s still my child and I have every right to be there no matter the circumstances. To be honest I’m just so scared that they will move very far from me and I will not see her at all. The behaviour from this girl is absolutely mind blowing it’s like she is totally a different women but this is life I spouse, all my actions and decisions I made for nothing.

Hard for anyone to probably answer this but I’m really confused on what to do.

Do I go to labour with her? And support her which if I’m honest with you I don’t really want to as she is evil and doesn’t deserve nothing from me.

Should I speak to her husband? Even tho he probably wants to kick my head in.

I even thought if this is really what they both want maybe he can adopt her and then they can still have there “happy family” because the way I’m feeling right now I don’t want anything to do with this women anymore she has broken me completely.

Please don’t judge me on the last one but I thought deeply about it and yes it’s one hell of a decision to make but in a situation like this maybe it would be better for the child to brought up in the family and he to adopt her as I think things will get really messy and as i said I’m so scared to be not involved and it will kill me so if that’s the case then I’d prefer him to take full custody of her and let me live my life.

I have not made any decisions as of yet just wanted to hear some people’s opinions and thoughts.

Thanks for reading it’s a long one.
Frankly, if her husband acknowledges the child as his, you may have no rights at all. Many states have what is called a "presumptive father statute". The idea is that if a child is born to a woman, her husband is presumed to be the parent. If he acknowledges the child as his own (his name being on the birth certificate) that may be the end of the discussion.
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Old 12-10-2019, 11:39 AM
 
Location: NJ
665 posts, read 220,999 times
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I find it so bizarre that people are telling this man to walk away from his unborn child and pretend she never existed.
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Old 12-10-2019, 11:44 AM
 
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Mom said that if you don't have anything nice to say keep your mouth shut.
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Old 12-10-2019, 11:58 AM
 
7,135 posts, read 3,369,782 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post
I find it so bizarre that people are telling this man to walk away from his unborn child and pretend she never existed.
Bizarre yes.

Yeah ppl are a skewed lot. Bash deadbeat dads' then tell the bio dad to walk away. Bizarre indeed.
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Old 12-10-2019, 12:17 PM
 
8,353 posts, read 3,041,541 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Bizarre yes.

Yeah ppl are a skewed lot. Bash deadbeat dads' then tell the bio dad to walk away. Bizarre indeed.
To stay in their lives is to make a bad situation even worse.
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Old 12-10-2019, 12:19 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,359 posts, read 44,684,857 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post

To stay in their lives is to make a bad situation even worse.
That's one of the consequences of sleeping with someone besides your husband.
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Old 12-10-2019, 12:22 PM
 
3,843 posts, read 3,371,561 times
Reputation: 11827
You really need to visit with a lawyer in whatever country you are in. We all have opinions, but the law will override that. Basically, you need to see a lawyer to protect whatever rights have and to guide you through the decisions you need to make. If you are to be in this baby's life and paying support, then you need to establish that now/when the baby is born. Otherwise, you may be at the mercy of whatever the mother decides later.
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