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Old 12-10-2019, 12:25 PM
 
14,157 posts, read 6,749,527 times
Reputation: 11890

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OP---The husband knows that the child isn't biologically his. Yet he is willing to raise the child as his own.

I would say walk away from this. That said, you will need a lawyer either way. My thought is that the husband needs to adopt the child. If the husband doesn't adopt the child and one day he and your former lover decide to divorce, and it's contentious, she just might show up and demand that you start paying child support. If that happens, things can get really ugly.

If the husband adopts the child, then he will be the one who has to support the child whether or not they stay married.

Letting go isn't going to be easy. Yet it must be done for the child's sake.
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Old 12-10-2019, 12:36 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
81,051 posts, read 74,230,501 times
Reputation: 80807
Quote:
Originally Posted by markg91359 View Post
Frankly, if her husband acknowledges the child as his, you may have no rights at all. Many states have what is called a "presumptive father statute". The idea is that if a child is born to a woman, her husband is presumed to be the parent. If he acknowledges the child as his own (his name being on the birth certificate) that may be the end of the discussion.
The OP appears to live in the UK. Different paternity laws.
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Old 12-10-2019, 12:37 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
81,051 posts, read 74,230,501 times
Reputation: 80807
Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post
I find it so bizarre that people are telling this man to walk away from his unborn child and pretend she never existed.
He's the one who said he wants nothing to do with the mother. How do you get access to the child without going through the mother? Even with a court order, you still have to deal with the mother to some degree.
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Old 12-10-2019, 12:39 PM
 
Location: NJ
670 posts, read 221,600 times
Reputation: 2519
This marriage isnt going to make it. She had an affair then left him now they are together. Its not his child. This is not a fairy tale. Abandoning this unborn child means that possibly this child will have NO father instead of the 2 she has now. When they get divorced the husband may have to pay for the child but he probably wont want to keep a relationship with the child that isnt his. So this child now has no father. Good men (no matter how poor their decisions up to this point) dont abandon their children.
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Old 12-10-2019, 12:47 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
81,051 posts, read 74,230,501 times
Reputation: 80807
Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post
This marriage isnt going to make it. She had an affair then left him now they are together. Its not his child. This is not a fairy tale. Abandoning this unborn child means that possibly this child will have NO father instead of the 2 she has now. When they get divorced the husband may have to pay for the child but he probably wont want to keep a relationship with the child that isnt his. So this child now has no father. Good men (no matter how poor their decisions up to this point) dont abandon their children.
I didn't get from the OP that she left her husband at any point. Only that she eventually came clean with her husband, after making plans on some level to build a future with the OP. She changed her mind, confessed, and was forgiven. I wouldn't assume from that, that the marriage is doomed. Hopefully, the husband truly forgave her, and won't hold her infidelity over her in the future. If they're able to rebuild trust, the marriage could well survive. If not, your prediction could come true.
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Old 12-10-2019, 12:51 PM
 
8,372 posts, read 3,048,550 times
Reputation: 19173
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
That's one of the consequences of sleeping with someone besides your husband.

Agreed.


What's that Taylor Swift song? "Trouble Trouble Trouble"?


I'm thinking mostly of the child. It will not be good for this child to have all parents fighting over who's her daddy. And the child is innocent in this.


IMO, OP needs to be a grown up and think about someone besides himself now.
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Old 12-10-2019, 01:42 PM
 
41,212 posts, read 16,335,156 times
Reputation: 26943
Good Lord. OP needs to a counselor as well as an attorney.

OP is living home with his parents while paying off some bills. Doesn't sound like he is in any position to be providing child support.

As to being by her her side while she's in labor, get real.
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Old 12-10-2019, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
10,043 posts, read 8,905,842 times
Reputation: 22216
Time to lawyer up.
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Old 12-10-2019, 02:51 PM
 
996 posts, read 685,131 times
Reputation: 1093
Like many have said, it depends on the state's family law that the baby will be born in.

How do I see this going sooner or later?

The husband divorces the wife eventually. It's not his kid, it's his cheating wife's.

Maybe you and her get back together & marry.

And if your plan works out this time, the odds are not so low that you or her doesn't cheat on each other with somebody else.
can you really trust each other when both of you are high-risk takers? she'll have doubts about you and you about her.
Of course, I could be wrong and this could meant to be. Things, love and romance happens.

Here is a fail safe way. check your astrology or tarot signs to see if that clicks.

No wonder an Indian kid sued his parents for bringing him into this world. I feel bad for the kid for now.

Picture Dr. Phil saying this, it is best practice to bring kids in the world into a stable relationship.

I sincerely hope that can be achieved even with my sarcastic remarks.

Last edited by frankrj; 12-10-2019 at 03:03 PM..
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Old 12-10-2019, 03:06 PM
 
Location: State of Washington (2016)
3,870 posts, read 2,562,672 times
Reputation: 15300
If her husband wants to raise the child as his and stay with his wife, you should do the honorable thing and walk away, knowing that your biological child will be loved and cared for. Make the sacrifice for the baby's sake. You obviously want to be in the woman's life for some reason, even though you are saying she is "evil" and you want nothing more to do with her. That seems to be the main reason you want to be in the delivery room and exercise your parental rights - a way to stay attached to the woman's life.
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