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This outcome might work for you if you subscribe to an authoritarian parenting style, which stems from the belief that in order to develop properly, children need to be punished for bad behavior and be rewarded for good behavior.
OK. I do. I do subscribe to an "authoritarian parenting style". There is no question in my mind that children should be "punished for bad behavior" and "rewarded for good behavior". We could talk a little bit about what sort of punishment and what sort of reward, but as for the philosophy itself? ......
Yep. Sign me up.
How come on the SuperNanny shows, the nanny is able to completely transform the kids' behavior using incentives but also punishments (the dreaded "naughty chair" in the corner), but the kids with mealy-mouthed parents who say things like "I feel disappointed when you...." tend to act out? SuperNanny sets rules, and tells the kids the rules, and the consequences for breaking them so there's a consistent structure for them to function within.
Moms who let their kids bring toys into the living room, and then complain that there are toys all over the living room (lol! Really??) only have themselves to blame. I thought the child's room was for playing with their toys.
The psychologist doesn't mention, that bonding with your child in the first 5-6 years of life is crucial. Being their for your child when they cry in their first year especially, is huge! A lot of behavior problems were the result of doctors telling their new-parent patients to keep the child in a room as far away from the parents' room as possible, and letting them cry at night, so the parents could keep to as normal a sleep schedule as possible. Kids grew up with abandonment and betrayal issues.
Gonna have to say it but a big lesson in life that needs to taught and learned is how one reacts to a negative experience or how they get up after being knocked down.
If a child never experiences negative events or parenting in this case how will they handle negative events in the future. What happens when a teacher simply gives them a bad grade or a boss lectures the them after they fail to meet a goal or cost the company money. Failing or doing something wrong isn't the end of the world(which should be taught) but it's up to them to correct it, try again and/or try something different to get the job done.
This outcome might work for you if you subscribe to an authoritarian parenting style, which stems from the belief that in order to develop properly, children need to be punished for bad behavior and be rewarded for good behavior.
OK. I do. I do subscribe to an "authoritarian parenting style". There is no question in my mind that children should be "punished for bad behavior" and "rewarded for good behavior". We could talk a little bit about what sort of punishment and what sort of reward, but as for the philosophy itself? ......
Yep. Sign me up.
I suspect Lori Loughlin wrote the article.
Authoritarian parenting actually has poorer outcomes, behaviorally, than the authoritative style.
Authoritarian and Authoritative parenting are superficially similar in that in both, there are high expectations and standards for behavior. The difference lies in parental warmth and responsiveness to children's emotional needs.
Authoritative parents' high expectations are communicated with warmth, caring, and emotional responsiveness. Because of this responsiveness to needs, authoritatively parented children have a greater likelihood of developing good emotional control. They develop resilience and can recuperate quickly from setbacks. Authoritarian parents, by contrast, use a cold and non-responsive approach. They view emotion as weakness requiring suppression, so their children do not learn to appropriately manage emotions, often become hostile under pressure, etc.
Authoritative parents encourage children to seek autonomy and independence. Rather than assert tight control, they closely monitor their children’s behavior and correct them as needed. Parental monitoring has been shown to be most effective within the context of a warm, respectful relationship. Without that, it invites rebellion and the stereotypical "wild child."
Authoritarian parents discourage independence - seeking, children are to follow orders. They do not get choices, a say in any family decisionmaking. Authoritative parents discuss and explain rules. They do not issue edicts. Children are taught critical thinking, and understand the reasons behind rules and social contracts, beyond it simply being what is dictated. Because children with authoritative parents are encouraged to take on active roles within the family, and are allowed to speak their minds and participate in decision-making, they are more assertive and have higher greater confidence. Their counterparts become insecure and apprehensive, less independent.
Kids parented in an authoritative manner statistically have better behavioral outcomes, higher academic achievement, are at lower risk of falling prey to peer pressure, have better power relationships, better anger management, overall better mental health, and are much more resilient. Kids raised in authoritarian households lag in these areas.
Your kids are much better off with authoritative parenting than authoritarian.
A lot of behavior problems were the result of doctors telling their new-parent patients to keep the child in a room as far away from the parents' room as possible, and letting them cry at night, so the parents could keep to as normal a sleep schedule as possible. Kids grew up with abandonment and betrayal issues.
This isn't accurate at all, per current neonatal and pediatric recommendations, actually!
Rooming in is actually becoming more the rule than the exception, as birthing centers in hospitals do away with nurseries altogether outside of NICU settings. The push to keep infants bedside, in their own safe sleeping space but within parental arms' reach, begins in the hospital, now, and the current recommendation once home is either crib in parent room the first 6 months, or bedside bassinet.
New mothers are taught to interpret feeding cues, and feed on demand, told NOT to set up an artifical structure. Infants need to feed frequently, and can't do a normal adult sleep schedule for a long time. A big reason rooming in is done is to start to prep parents for how they will need to hold, comfort, do skin to skin, feed, etc. in the night, rather than send them home having had night nurses do all that while parents sleep, and set them up for a rude awakening, literally. Breastfeeding mothers can't routinely skip night nursing, anyway, or they won't be breastfeeding long.
I had both my infants in bedside bassinets in my room 100% of the time we were in the neonatal unit. At the time, I was partway through my master's in a related area, and talked with my nurses about how great it was that they were aligning with best practices for human development. They said they were kind of having to deal with mothers very upset that they wouldn't just take the baby to the nursery, though.
New parents are emphatically NOT being taught by medical staff to keep their children elsewhere and let them cry or put them on an adult-determined schedule. The AAP recommendations are actually the exact opposite. All the research points directly toward bonding and attachment. Many parents do hear the reverse from online mommy groups, etc., but that's a completely different topic. The medical community isn't pushing it at all.
There must be consequences for behaviors that disrupt the desired environment of the family. Most families want children who listen and follow directions, who don't hit or hurt, who don't wander away, and who respect. Each expected behavior must be modeled for children who don't exhibit it. They need examples and non-examples down to the last detail.
For these same children consequences need to be progressive and well known beforehand. This includes modeling what to do after each consequence has been given to make sure the child understands the purpose of each consequence and what the expected behavior is. This is the problem solving the child must do. For example, in our home, we have only three consequences: verbal warning, which has changed over the years to be more socially acceptable (according to our daughter); 'time-out ' which is no more than 15 minutes; loss of electronics or special activities that are dependent on us, the parents, for the day.
Each consequence has been modeled as well as the expected behavior during that consequence. The consequence is not considered 'done' until our daughter has done it correctly.
The whole point of modeling is to make sure the rules and consequences make sense.
How come on the SuperNanny shows, the nanny is able to completely transform the kids' behavior using incentives but also punishments (the dreaded "naughty chair" in the corner), but the kids with mealy-mouthed parents who say things like "I feel disappointed when you...." tend to act out?
Because it's a television show that has been edited to death in order to create what they think will be a storyline that will go down well/interest most viewers. Viewers have no idea what might have gone on during all the hours that ended up on the cutting-room floor.
Also, I'm sure that there are plenty of such trials that never even made it to the screen because the outcome wasn't what the producers wanted. Of course all such "reality" shows are heavily edited, even the ones with a season-long storyline rather than one-shot one-hour doses like SuperNanny, House Hunters, etc etc. which probably have their filming sliced and diced like sushi.
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