How long should an adult child be allowed to keep their trophies on display ? (kid, home)
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How long should an adult child be allowed to keep trophies, awards etc from various activities years ago on display all over the place especially when not living in the parents home. Or how long should the parents hold on to or store them? It's as much a theoretical question in that wouldn't storing or removing them be another step in the maturation process? Would the parent be considered as shunning their child if they take them down?
Let me make sure I understand your question. Are you:
1. Holding onto your child's trophies, basically for storage, because they've moved out and don't have room? or...
2. Bothered that they're continuing to display them in their own home when they're now adults? or...
My daughter had dozens of trophies ranging in size from one foot to six feet tall. We (parents) kept them on display while she was participating in that activity but took almost of them down when she left for college. At some point during college we took them all down except for her favorite ones in her old bedroom.
When Hubby and I downsized our daughter set aside her three or four favorite trophies and we got rid of the rest. We managed to give away almost all of them to "good homes". People used them as serious gifts (changed the name to "Best Book Club Leader" or "Favorite Sister") or White Elephant Gifts. Later we gave away the rest to scout leaders or kids club organizers to use a prizes or awards, To my knowledge not even one trophy ended up in a land fill.
I used to work with a guy who held a charity golf tournament each year, and he used to rummage around and request old trophies to use as "prizes", with post-its written and placed over the name plaques with titles like "not even close to a hole-in-one", "most inept", along with "closest-to-the-pin", "longest drive", etc.
I think EVERY participant won one. "Lowest score" was a MAGNIFICENT diving trophy, with--you guessed it--a post it over the nameplate.
Don't throw that stuff out--try to find something equivalent to the Scrap Exchange, like one in Durham NC. They can probably get some small amount of money for it. The golf tournament was a hilarious way to re-used them!
I am guessing that by "display", people mean that the trophies are in one of the 'public' rooms such as a living room, family room, or dining room? Rather than in - for example - a spare bedroom that may have once belonged to the now-adult moved-out child.
I honestly don't see any problem with keeping as many of a grown child's former belongings/trophies/collections/whatever as either the parents or the adult child wants to retain, in a non-public room such as a bedroom. If the space is there, and the homeowning parent doesn't need or want to use that room/space for anything else, why not keep them? Especially if the adult child's house or apartment is much smaller than the parents' and thus the offspring would have to stuff the items in a hot attic or musty basement otherwise.
The problem is now that adult child started displaying stuff from adult beer drinking weekend warrior leagues and treats the house as theirs even though they're there part-time. They even get mail sent there and get upset that people wouldn't take it to them on demand. They could lay something on a table or chair not be there for a month or two and get upset that it was moved.
I think not setting boundaries much earlier in life allowed things to get out of control. Relegating things to their old bedroom or spare room is what I would've done.
They can do what they want but the parent here basically spoiled them. When it came to move the 'adult' even got upset the pictures were packed before moving day. That's why I think the issue should've addressed years earlier regardless of anyone's circumstances.
But as a matter of routine or recommended practice once the child stops living at home should their personal previous life go with them? Not talking about photographs. In some family homes their kids childhood is plastered all over the place until their dying days. On the other hand even when their child goes off the college alot of personal stuff goes into storage or their room almost right away. In the end that's the answer depends on the family I guess.
I actually offered to pay my mom a $200/month storage fee for having some childhood belongings in her home after moving away for grad school, and she was astonished that I would even think of paying for that. I guess she wanted me to treat her home as another home base. I basically gave my dad permission to toss out about 90% of what was left in his house if he didn’t want it, including memorabilia, and much of it is gone now. At the very least it seems wasteful to spend so much money on storing stuff you don’t use, but everybody does it, including me. I am going to try to clean out one storage unit in 2020. At that point basically all my belongings will be either in a house I am paying to live in or in a car I own. It did take some time to “ let go†of all that stuff though!
How long should an adult child be allowed to keep trophies, awards etc from various activities years ago on display all over the place especially when not living in the parents home. Or how long should the parents hold on to or store them? It's as much a theoretical question in that wouldn't storing or removing them be another step in the maturation process? Would the parent be considered as shunning their child if they take them down?
If the adult child is no longer living at home with the parents then the child should take his trophies, etc. with him when he moves. If he doesn't want them it's his responsibility to dispose of them himself and not leave for somebody else to condend with.
If the child refuses to do anything about them the parents are in within their rights to get rid of them or store them as the parents see fit. The child has no right to insist that the parents keep his stuff taking up space in their house.
Parents are not shunning their children by removing their childrens' "stuff" and doing what the adult child should have been made to do with them when he moved out of parent's home. This question shouldn't even be considered as an issue.
The problem is now that adult child started displaying stuff from adult beer drinking weekend warrior leagues and treats the house as theirs even though they're there part-time. They even get mail sent there and get upset that people wouldn't take it to them on demand. They could lay something on a table or chair not be there for a month or two and get upset that it was moved.
I think not setting boundaries much earlier in life allowed things to get out of control. Relegating things to their old bedroom or spare room is what I would've done.
It sounds like the boundaries that should have been set are yours. What does this have to do with you? Actually, it sounds like a jealous sibling to me. The boundaries are the parents who own the house, and if they dont care, why do you?
An adult? If the trophies are in the parents' home and the adult child has moved out? Do what you want with them. I had my parents box them up and give them to me and I decided what to do with them. They don't have to keep my old stuff.
As a 38 year old, I kinda wish I still had my trophies and such from my youth. I was pretty good at martial arts and won quite a bit of awards and trophies from various tournaments.
No idea where those went to, but I wouldn't mind having them today....although I doubt I would display them unless it was a major regional championship I won.
Participation trophies should never be allowed to be displayed... Championships can carry on in perpetuity.
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