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Old 12-29-2019, 09:53 AM
 
2,229 posts, read 820,595 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katnan View Post
Why do we feel like children shouldn’t have a choice in who they hug, kiss or sit on a lap? Their feelings should be discounted because they’re not adults? I’m sure everyone has a story of having to hug or kiss great aunt Gertrude, a little old lady you’d never met before, and her wrinkly skin, weird smells and chin hairs scared you. Its the idea of a child being rude by not doing those things, and that notion should be removed, IMO.

I wish I could give you 10 reps for this!
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Old 12-29-2019, 09:53 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
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But how often is a child alone with santa?
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Old 12-29-2019, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
This is largely how we handled it. We treated Santa like we treated Elmo or Mickey Mouse. A fun character that the kids did believe was real when they were very small, like under age 5. Then they realized that Big Bird, Donald Duck, and Santa were not actually real. We did do Santa pics when they were very little. Nobody cried that I recall, but my son did cry when he sat on the Easter Bunny's lap at age 15 months or so. He survived the ordeal.
This is similar to how my parents taught me: Santa Claus (at least the mall Santa) is a costumed actor who's there to make kids happy, and should be appreciated for doing that. Because I knew he "wasn't real", I don't recall sitting on his lap, and my parents didn't take those pictures for some reason. Maybe I did, but I was too young to remember. But I gladly talked to him and accepted gifts from him. I learned about St. Nicholas, an actual Catholic saint, later. My 5th-grade science teacher also said something I now think is profound: "The real Santa Claus exists in spirit." (Which I'm sure she meant "spirit of generosity and making people happy".)

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I'm not saying Santa should be feared. Setting personal boundaries around touch is not a damn phobia or paranoia. The Santa suit wearer is a stranger and the kid should be allowed to make their own decision about sitting on Santa's lap. This teaches kids that they can say no if they do not feel comfortable.
I agree. Everyone deserves the final say over what kind of physical contact they allow with a person. (I can see shaking hands still being obligatory in most cases, because it's a centuries-old polite greeting, but that's about it.) Even if the initiator is a jolly philanthropist in a red suit, that person is still a stranger. I'd let my kids decide whether or not to sit on his lap, and if no, then no. I'd still insist on them properly greeting him and shaking hands with him, strictly out of basic respect he deserves as a human being, whether "he" is Santa or an unemployed man making extra income. But basic respect doesn't entail blind trust.
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Old 12-29-2019, 10:03 AM
 
2,229 posts, read 820,595 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
But how often is a child alone with santa?

I was responding to Trekker's comment which I interpreted as "people/figures who represent good in the world should be exempt from normal boundaries of caution" when it comes to how children are told to regard them. In other words, Santa = trustworthy figure. Priests are typically regarded as trustworthy figures also, but we have learned that that's not always the case. Some parents prefer to err on the side of caution and there's nothing wrong with that.
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Old 12-29-2019, 04:30 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BBCjunkie View Post
I was responding to Trekker's comment which I interpreted as "people/figures who represent good in the world should be exempt from normal boundaries of caution" when it comes to how children are told to regard them. In other words, Santa = trustworthy figure. Priests are typically regarded as trustworthy figures also, but we have learned that that's not always the case. Some parents prefer to err on the side of caution and there's nothing wrong with that.
Not as long as you aren't instilling blind fear instead. In the article under discussion the mother says she she would not let her daughter sit on santa's lap. IMO that isn't the same as giving children a voice or letting them choose for themselves.
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Old 12-30-2019, 05:59 PM
 
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My grand nephews and niece are all over me, but when the parents say give Aunt Tally a kiss goodbye, they won’t.

And I decided to be fine with that. Respecting their boundaries now I believe will build their trust in me later.

And Santa is the same thing.
__________________
Solly says — Be nice!
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Old 12-31-2019, 02:50 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,317 posts, read 21,437,691 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Natsku View Post
But what will you do if the pants do need to come off? (do you mean pants like trousers or pants like underwear? the issue with my daughter both times was refusing to take off her trousers so the doctor /PT could see her legs) If there's a specific issue in that area that needs to be seen.
Mine was willing to wear shorts or wide-legged pants that could be pulled up so the doctor could see her leg. I think it's mostly the underpants that are the issue for my daughter. I've had a couple of gyno emergencies and explained to my daughter that pants have to come off in those situations, and that having a doctor see your bottom is not worse than dying, and she said she absolutely understood that for female issues but not for a regular checkup where they're checking weight, giving vaccines, etc.
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Old 12-31-2019, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
4,110 posts, read 1,864,438 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
Mine was willing to wear shorts or wide-legged pants that could be pulled up so the doctor could see her leg. I think it's mostly the underpants that are the issue for my daughter. I've had a couple of gyno emergencies and explained to my daughter that pants have to come off in those situations, and that having a doctor see your bottom is not worse than dying, and she said she absolutely understood that for female issues but not for a regular checkup where they're checking weight, giving vaccines, etc.
I'm male, and I remember feeling similarly about undressing at a doctor's office. So I started insisting on male doctors for anything beyond shots and ENT. My parents went along with it, especially for issues in the swim trunks area, like the "turn and cough" procedure. Plus, I preferred the mellow, no-nonsense approach men used, rather than the "caretaker mode" of women pediatricians.
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Old 12-31-2019, 11:44 AM
 
461 posts, read 260,977 times
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How unbelievably sad this thread is.

I'm in my mid-40's. I remember every year my parents taking my sister and I to Macy's in NYC so we could get our pictures with Santa. I have vivid memories of standing in line looking at the displays of trains and miniature villages and getting so anxious to see Santa. I believed in Santa then and he was my hero. Because, you know, anyone who bought me presents was a hero to me at that age. I looked at him as though he was a celebrity. Like an adult buying a lottery ticket hoping to win, I had hopes that Santa would bring me the gift I told him I wanted....Or at least give mom and dad an idea of what else they could get me!

And now kids are afraid of Santa. Not in a 'he's fat and looks like a homeless person' kind of way but rather a Lester-the-Molester way. It breaks my heart. I don't have children so I cannot (really) have an opinion on it except to say that when I was a little kid, meeting Santa felt like an honor.
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Old 12-31-2019, 01:12 PM
 
6,124 posts, read 2,717,864 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RomulusXXV View Post
Is there a cure anywhere on the horizon for this epidemic of paranoia (a recognized illness) that has become the norm of every-day society? It's become fairly alarming since few people are aware that they, along with their paranoid neighbors, are suffering from this malady. May I ask for a show of hands on this thread from anyone who is NOT paranoid and they actually KNOW this?

Hey, of course we should be alert to suspicious behavior. But there is an enormous difference between keeping one's eyes open and treating every stranger as a predator. I mean, far more instances of child sexual abuse are committed by a family member than some stranger--certainly more than a costumed actor in a shopping mall surrounded by photographers, elves, attendants, Mrs. Claus, and the line of parents and small children waiting for their turn.



The OP in my opinion is a freaking lunatic.



It kind of reminds me of the huge child kidnapping scare back in the mid-80s. At some point, some supposedly reputable news outlets, including Time Magazine, soberly reported that up to 1,000,000 American children were abducted.



I was a junior reporter in a daily newspaper when this hit, seriously at the bottom of the pecking order. The staff was all atwitter about this 1,000,000 kidnapped children statistic and were going to do some follow-up stories.



Armed with the US Census, I pointed out that, if that 1,000,000 number were true, that would have been one child in 35. And I asked if anyone even remotely believed that to be true.



As it turned out the real number was far south of 1,000, and the vast majority of those were the result of custody battles. Still too many, but certainly not enough to warrant mass paranoia of any stranger who might say hello to one's toddler in the grocery store.
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