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Old Yesterday, 03:33 PM
 
2,455 posts, read 837,666 times
Reputation: 3299

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It sounds like he has some growing up to do and perhaps a few issues. Being overly tough with him will probably alienate him further while you can’t throw money at it, bail him out constantly and expect him to become more responsible.

Show him love, reach out to him, try to provide sound guidance and help him to help himself. If you meet him halfway while letting him know you concerned and don’t have unlimited resources, he should get the picture and realize that you’re an ally who genuinely cares for his well being.
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Old Yesterday, 06:29 PM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,481 posts, read 5,181,701 times
Reputation: 3600
There is no way anyone should help someone who was driving an uninsured vehicle get another vehicle.
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Old Today, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,107 posts, read 18,554,782 times
Reputation: 45077
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irish Eyes View Post
There is no way anyone should help someone who was driving an uninsured vehicle get another vehicle.
I was thinking the same thing.
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Old Today, 08:24 AM
 
13,046 posts, read 7,247,398 times
Reputation: 14483
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
On another note, my 26 year old daughter squandered her money. A year ago, she brought a round trip ticket to go to London this week. A group of friends from college planned this trip a long time ago. Certainly, long enough for her to save her pennies for this trip. For the last month, she been screaming at me for not providing funding her trip. Screaming like a toddler! Literally, it is like she is going through her terrible two's again.

I brought her Christmas presents like clothing she badly needed but I did not write out a check for a ten day vacation.

She went using whatever money she had - mainly from her grandparents' yearly Christmas check. I am sure she didn't have more than $500. She's going to eat a lot of peanut butter sandwiches there.

My husband and I are shaking our heads. Can't imagine doing this when we were that age. There is something about this generation. It is like they are a breed apart from us.

You can't give in to blackmail. It doesn't go your kids any good. Trust me, you aren't alone.
Because our parents wouldn't allow it.

It isn't just about the money.
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Old Today, 09:48 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,980 posts, read 13,715,271 times
Reputation: 33673
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
Because our parents wouldn't allow it.

It isn't just about the money.
This. I haven't asked my parents for money since I had my first job.

And after wrecking a car and being stupid to leave tools in it, the last thing I would do is go to my parents.

You get a second job, work overtime, get a loan, get a rental car temporarily, uber to work, ...

You reap what you sow.
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Old Today, 02:11 PM
 
Location: DFW/Texas
788 posts, read 738,451 times
Reputation: 2669
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
On another note, my 26 year old daughter squandered her money. A year ago, she brought a round trip ticket to go to London this week. A group of friends from college planned this trip a long time ago. Certainly, long enough for her to save her pennies for this trip. For the last month, she been screaming at me for not providing funding her trip. Screaming like a toddler! Literally, it is like she is going through her terrible two's again.

I brought her Christmas presents like clothing she badly needed but I did not write out a check for a ten day vacation.

She went using whatever money she had - mainly from her grandparents' yearly Christmas check. I am sure she didn't have more than $500. She's going to eat a lot of peanut butter sandwiches there.

My husband and I are shaking our heads. Can't imagine doing this when we were that age. There is something about this generation. It is like they are a breed apart from us.

You can't give in to blackmail. It doesn't go your kids any good. Trust me, you aren't alone.

Soooo, you and your husband had nothing to do with the way your now 26 year-old daughter acts? Where do you think she learned to be so entitled? That behavior does not come naturally, that's purely environmental.

OP, as hard as it was and still is, I think you made the right decision with your son. It's very hard to watch your kids struggle, no matter how old they are. The lessons you're teaching him are much more valuable than the value of a new car.
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Old Today, 05:21 PM
 
13,058 posts, read 5,253,735 times
Reputation: 31754
So. Are the tools he lost the way he makes his living?

Does he need transportation, and those tools to continue to be successful?

I'd loan him the money, interest free, for when he can pay it back.

I wouldn't have turned my back on a son who was basically doing ok, supporting himself, when things fell apart around him and someone stole his stuff.
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Old Today, 05:28 PM
Status: "We don't have to wait to start changing the world." (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: Wonderland
48,427 posts, read 38,825,491 times
Reputation: 69324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Berrie143 View Post
Soooo, you and your husband had nothing to do with the way your now 26 year-old daughter acts? Where do you think she learned to be so entitled? That behavior does not come naturally, that's purely environmental.
Well, I have four adult kids. One is a devout Catholic, two are spiritual but not religious, and one is an agnostic. (I'm not Catholic, just for the record.) Three would never dream of living together before getting married, one is planning on doing just that in a few weeks. Two have great credit scores and distinct savings plans that they adhere to. One has no budget and terrible credit. And one has good credit but no savings.

Two of them "believe" in taking care of their teeth. One has simply never had any issues, and one is just terrible and always waits till there's some sort of crisis before doing anything.

They were all raised in the same house with the same values, but they are individuals with unique personalities and they are all grown. I raised them all but they are definitely their own peeps.

One thing that is consistent with three of the four is that they take full responsibility for their own adult lives and decisions. One doesn't - and that one is perpetually unhappy and even the other siblings are sick of the excuses and weirdness.
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